Is trust earned or learned?

Have you read what Jesus said "to give and expect nothing in return". That is the challenge to overcome. For if you say you never got back the same amount as you gave, that is so difficult to judge for the other person.

"We get what we give" sounds a bit like you sow what you reap. OK we sow on the hope to share in the harvest but between the two events is time, changes of seasons, wind and rain, so please be a little patient with those "said types" of persons you mention.

 

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Nothing is typically what I get, expecting it or not.

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I try to follow his teachings, and yes, they are difficult. But, God gave us a brain to discern. I highly doubt Jesus would suggest for me to hang with people who don't have good intentions for me. Who only seek and look out for themselves, but talk a good game.

There comes a point, when actions speak louder than words. Pretty words said in a variety of ways...at first, are very appealing. But, over time, when those words don't show in actions...when someone disrespects me...then, those words are little more than a means to manipulate people.

It serves no earthly purpose for me to lie to myself, about how people treat me. There are those in my life who would give me the shirts off their back, and they have, in some cases. There are times when I have done the same for friends. But, I also keep at an arm's length, those 'friends' of mine who only float around in their time of need, and when that need is met...they are no longer heard from again, until their next need. I no longer make excuses for this behavior. There is beauty and freedom in setting one's self free of making excuses for others crappy behaviors.

Of course, those who I've let 'get away' with walking on me for a time, aren't too happy about it. lol

Jesus was a hard act to follow. He sacrificed his very own life. Perhaps you are saying, our kindness and openness to others, should know no bounds. Should have no limits.

When it comes to Jesus, I'm not sure how to answer you, on that point.

My point to people who talk a good talk, but want others to think they are sincere is this...

Mean what you say. Walk your talk. If you don't mean what you say, don't say it.

In the end though, it all comes out in the wash. If someone is disingenous...it will show.
Eventually.

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The greatest compliment I ever received was from an ex convict. He would always sit with his back to the wall facing the door.
He once told me that I was the only person he would trust to be behind him and not have to worry. I found a strange confirmation of my humanity in this simple statement.

 

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My comment may be bit off topic here, but then again maybe not, as it has to do with trust. Your comment reminded me of myself recently. My neighbor has a cat that she lets run wild outside. When I open my door to go outside the cat usually is laying close to my doorstep, or on the stairs that I have to walk down. Every time I open the door the cat hauls ass!! I like cats, and don't want him to be afraid of me so I'm trying to earn his trust. It's working! Now when I open the door the cat looks at me and is cautious, but he doesn't run. I walk around him far enough away that he sees that I am trying to give him his space and not out to get him. He even lays on the steps while I pass him on the steps.

It's a good feeling knowing you've earned the trust of someone, or an animal in this case. Trust is earned indeed, and I've earned the cat's trust, and I like it!!

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Aw, that's wonderful. I think we all want to BE trusted, as well. Maybe there is a fine balance between giving trust, and it eventually seeking you out.


On another note...something I've learned along the way about how to detect someone who is disingenous...He/she tends to say 'I love you,' very early on ...and he/she doesn't know you well enough to say that. That says to me, said person tells a lot of folks this, right off the bat. It's a tactic used to gain someone's trust, quickly. Once you are pulled into these types of people...then, they don't walk the walk.

Studies have been done on abusive men, as to how quickly they asked their wives to marry them. It was in very short order...like within a few weeks of knowing them. lol
It's not flattering, it's strange.

So, just my words of observation that I thought I'd pay forward here...beware of people who seek to charm you too quickly. They don't have good intentions, in the end.

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Seems solvable - did you ask them to define their intentions? Ask the question and then you know whether their intentions match their actions. It would be so easy to just let suspicions get in the way.

I was challenged with the same thing, I was asking in prayer some really difficult things, I was wanting three miracles the likes of which have never happened yet, and I felt the Lord say to me "Are you willing to die for me?" And I said "Yes Lord but just not yet please".

"If someone is disingenous...it will show." I'll have to look up the meaning of that word, sorry!

 

Disingenuous means phony. Say one thing, do another.

When someone tells me they care about me, but their actions paint a different picture...this is a disingenous person.

I'm done making excuses for that behavior, and if that makes me 'untrusting,' so be it.

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Well I just hope you are not referring to me!

 

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Maybe I was a cat in my past life

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That's a cool story, by the way...aw.

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Thanks wegs. I think I like animals more than people.

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Haven't I got feelings too? ^^^

 

lol, me too

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This is really an excellent post, thank you for the insight. In truth, I guess we are to strike a balance. I don't want to be skeptical of everything/everyone, but being open to anything can leave one vulnerable. If trust is given too freely, too quickly, one can be taken advantage of. There needs to be a healthy balance.

But, this is a really intriguing way to view it, what u say here.

 

Witness Lucy in the cartoon Peanuts, promising to hold the ball for Charlie brown, but always takes the ball at the last moment and makes him fall on his keester. But Charlie never learns.

 

Why because you can tame them? Bulls, lions, stallions, bears, stags, boars, elephants, rhinos will just kill you if they have a chance.

The lion "Boy" in "Born Free" the Adamson family in Kenya, attacked a child and killed a keeper. Some animals just aren't able to be tamed.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/George_Adamson

 

Would not the earned/learned aspect be somewhat dependent on the truster/trustee aspect?
As just one example, lets try the employer/employee relationship.
As an employer, you must assign different duties to your different employees. Over time, as an employer, you LEARN which employees can be trusted to perform which duties satisfactorily.
As an employee, you are assigned different duties by your employer. Over time, as an employee, you EARN the trust of your employer as to which duties you are able to perform satisfactorily.

As for taking someone "at there word" or being "pulled in" or "misled", would that not be an example of a "Blind Trust"? A trust that is neither learned or earned, but instead, indeed "blindly" GIVEN, by the TRUSTER!
Just because someone is attempting to lie/pull/guide/lead you into something, isn't up to you, as an individual, to decide whether or to allow the attempt to succeed?
You can never fully know anyones true intentions, but your own. Even then, your own intentions can be skewed or altered or misused or abused by your own feelings or emotions or stress or any of a number rationally/logically/ethically/morally inexcusable things.

So, to me, it would seem that trust can/should/would be both earned and learned.
At the same time, should we not be careful of TAKING TRUST FOR GRANTED - either as a truster or a trustee?
Things change, situations change, times change, PEOPLE change - the person that earned your trust yesterday, may prove themselves untrustworthy tomorrow!
The person that learned to trust you yesterday, may decide that they no longer want to trust you tomorrow!

 

So true Dmoe, but it is going to hard to prove you are trustworthy when you have been labeled untrustworthy for no damn good reason in the first place.

 

It has nothing to do with taming them. I have no desire to tame them, I simply love animals. I especially love big cats, ie lions and tigers, and I certainly can't tame them. They are cool, and proud, and powerful, and absolutely gorgeous! Nature has created magnificent creatures!

What's not to love?

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I saw this movie in the theater and could not hold back the tears at times. If you don't shed a tear in this movie you aren't human, or you're a human that lacks compassion for animals, which is somewhat troubling.


[video=youtube;NOGr1FzBrGI]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NOGr1FzBrGI[/video]

 

Robittybob1, I do not feel that I have ever, should ever, will ever be proven anything.
And labels mean nothing to me either - what was "New an Improved" yesterday, will be "old hat" or "out of style" or "classic" tomorrow.
As far as being "labeled untrustworthy for no damn good reason in the first place."...Meh...
Have you ever heard the saying? : "I wouldn't trust him as far as I could throw him."
Well, I am so worn and decrepit, and my get up and go has done got up and went so far that I sometimes get worn out just throwing myself into a laughing fit over what I am sometimes mistakingly/falsely/ignorantly/maliciously/naively/wrongly/unjustly accused of!
Heck, I've stood accused so often, it's a wonder I have not forgotten how to sit. Which is probably the reason my lap disappears when I stand up.