This post was originaly made some time ago by a sciforums member known as GOD... I got such a laugh out of it back then because people actually had a sense of humour..... we had Kalvin B's logic to thank for most of the giggling back then.. none the less I will post this thread and see what responses we get. Is God Sexually Frustrated? ======================= =============== ----------------------- Cheers RazZ:bugeye:
<i>Since the christian god is reported to have created us in his own image, he must experience sexual desire like all of us.</i> Obviously, creation in his image doesn't mean we are exactly like him in all respects. Nor should God be exactly like us in all respects. <i>However, since sex is a sin which he reportedly frowns upon, we must assume that he refrains from any such activity.</i> I'm not sure, but I don't remember anything from the bible or other religious texts which says sex is a sin. Can you point me to any?
On the other hand. Nearly all mammals, reptiles, fish and birds breed by having sexual intercourse of some fashion. If the Christian God created these animals in his image, and we whittled down all the animals to what they have in common (discounting the few extremes) I think it's pretty likely he is a sexual creature. Since the Christians don't believe in a Goddess, I'd say he's got a BAD case of blue balls by now. (and imagine the size of THOSE balls!!!)
He DID get some from Mary Magdelene while he was down here in his Jesus costume, though. That could have held him over for a bit. Maybe that's why he hasn't showed up and smited people and rained sulfur and stuff in the past 2000 (or so) years. I think we're due for some more wrath soon. Then a second cumming of Christ.
Sex Scandal Rocks Heaven! Blasphemous Allegations Turmoil rocked Heaven this morning as allegations arose that God had had an affair with a former worshipper. The scandal was begun when a 21 year old woman, known only as Mary, claimed that she had given birth to God's "only son" last week in a barn in the hamlet of Bethlehem. Sources close to Mary claim that she "had loved God for a long time", that she was constantly talking about her relationship with God, and that she was "thrilled to have had his child." In a press conference this morning, God issued a vehement denial, saying that "No sexual relationship existed", and that "the facts of this story will come out in time, verily". Independent counsel Kenneth Bealzebub immediately filed a brief with the Justice department to expand his investigation to cover questions of whether any commandments may have been broken, and whether God had illegally funneled laundered money to his illegitimate child through three foreign operatives known only as the "Wise Men". Bealzebub has issued subpoenas to several angels who are rumored to have acted as go-betweens in the affair. Critics have pointed out that these allegations have little to do with the charges that Bealzebub was originally appointed to investigate: that God had created large-scale flooding in order to cover up evidence of a failed land deal. In recent months, Bealzebub's investigation has already been expanded to cover questions surrounding the large number of locusts that plagued God's political opponents in the last election, as well as to claims that the destruction of the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah was to divert attention away from a scandal involving whether the giveaway of a parcel of public land in Promised Country to a Jewish special interest group was a quid pro quo for political contributions. If these allegations prove to be true, then this could be a huge blow to God's career, much of which has been spent crusading for stricter moral standards and harsher punishments for wrongdoers. Indeed, God recently outlined a "tough-on-crime" plan consisting of a series of 10 "Commandments", which has been introduced in Congress in a bill by Rep. Moses(R). Critics of the bill have pointed out that it lacks any provisions for the rehabilitation of criminals, and lawyers for the ACLU are planning to fight the "Name in Vain" Commandment as being an unconstitutional restriction on free speech.
Too damn funny!!! LMAO....Blue balls? :bugeye: EWWWW Second cumming Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! lol God watches me have sex?Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! dirty perve pmsl... oh and as for Evil Poet .... Thankyou.. Thankyou for making me laugh orange juice out my nose.. bastard! lol too funny.. I just took a sip at the wrong moment while reading your post... and laughed ..then spent the next few moments trying to keep a mouthfull of orange juice IN my mouth and not on my keyboard. lol Good work too funny..... Cheers RazZ
razz, You're welcome, but it is not my work (click on blasphemous allegations to see where I got it from). Glad it made you laugh, sorry it made orange juice come out your nose. Sucks when that happens. What is it that they say - timing is everything. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
wtf!?!?!?!? why!?!?! why would anyone bother to think about this?!!!! what is wrong with you people!??!?!?!?!??
because people are to uptight about religion- everyone should just take a couple of moments here to laugh at the funny posts. and it brings to the fore some troubling questions anyway, just not the ones that are normally debated as sex and its glory is normally steered away from (by religious people funnily enough).
Re: wtf!?!?!?!? Why would light-heartedly joking about such things mean something is wrong with us? What is the problem?
I do not think one would bother to have sex if it were possible for him to make a woman pregnant by a thought. (The thing with Maria proves it).
well ya' see... well ya' see the whole "what is wrong with you people" thing is a common phrase used by me and my friends at school and is typicaly followed by "i hate this world" or "you people need to die" anyways the point is that ist a joke too. but anyways... you guys seem really smart so it seems like you guys should be able to realize that its pointless to sit around thinking about something for which there is no way for it to be proven or disproven. it could go on and on forever. but yet you guys still talk about it. so there, in my veiw seems to be some thing amis. so as me and my friends would say "you people need to die!"
On the contrary, god has all kinds of sexual tastes. Look at the animal kingdom, there are animals that are asexual, bi-sexual, homosexual and transexual. Never under estimate the sexual desires of god. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Yo Demon It's an intellectual form of masterbation. As a schoolboy you ought to be aware of the benefits of a good wankPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Go play with yourself. Dee Cee
deecee, lol, very funny Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! WHAT! sex is great aerobic excercise, very pleasurable, and a generally uplifting experience. everyone would bother with sex. sex is not just people trying to get pregnant- why do you think contraceptives were created- so the fun could be had without the consequnces. and who is maria? and what does she prove?
Well, out of response, here is the real question, Why do we take some sentences in the bible literally, and other not? if we took the literal version of "god created us in his own image" then we would say that yes he does has sexual frustration, However in a non literal sense then we could say that god created us in his image with the ability to create, plus, if god is like us, then he would agree with me, NEVER pee in a pringle can.. NEVER.... EVER
