...I'm hyperadrenal and aggressive

i wish i didn't feel the need to do it in the first place. i wish i could get above it. several years ago, i was so pissed off and frustrated i thought i was going to lose my mind. i've gotten a lot better since then. nothing's changed except me. there are still plenty of reasons to be angry. they're always there.

when i saw what my rage was doing to the people around me, and the effect it had on the quality of my life, i knew i had to change something. i can't change other people, and many times i can't change circumstances, but i can change myself and how i respond to them.

the more i overcome it, the more empowered and invincible i feel. and that makes me feel peaceful.

 

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I think mine is adaptive to a point. My usual pattern of dealing with something is to throw a nuclear fit and then get over it. Whereas I see other people get very affected by things and remain down.

You're the opposite of me regards feeling powerful. Sometimes I get far too high on my own "rage" chemicals, and I don't WANT to calm down, I don't WANT to understand, I just want to rampage and destroy shit and make more of those lovely drugs. Not so good.

 

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i've scared myself with my own rage.

i think mine is mostly learned behavior. my mom was co-dependent and emotional and my dad was a master of intimidation.

typically, my rage is a response to being threatened, physically or emotionally, so it makes me angry to be afraid. it's a defense.

i remember a time when my rage response towards a particular man most likely kept me from being raped. and that's good.

but in an emotional situation, rage never helps. never, that i've found. it doesn't keep me from getting hurt. it doesn't help me convey a message. it just turns me into a person i don't want to be. it makes me feel like a puppet. it makes me feel like a victim.

 

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In my case it just turns me into a drugged up monster.

I couldn't tell you if it is learned or not. I think I was just born with a super short fuse (and more than my fair share of dynamite).

 

I have not only the short fuse, but I push.

If someone disagrees with me, I tend to keep pushing the argument, no matter how damaging it seems to keep getting, in an attempt to resolve the issue.

When my son was born, someone recommended I take Anger Management.
But the sad Irony is, the class instructor pretty much treated me as though I didn't need to be there.
His reason was because he felt I demonstrated much more calm than most and that since I did not exert violence, I was not abnormal.
That was years ago and my dumbass took his dumbass words to heart.

In the time after, I attended Al Anon (Which is not for alcoholics, it's for the family members of alcoholics) and I must confess that they taught me much more about anger management than that class I took ever did.

Because for the family, it's crucial that they step down a bit- simply because that is far preferable than pushing an alcoholic to drink.
Sobriety is everything to an alcoholic and that shouldn't be jeopardized if I have a flare up of temperament.
It really taught me a lot.

To this day, I still suffer from rage and wrath. I most likely always will.
http://www.youtube.com/profile?annotation_id=annotation_49264&user=above92&feature=iv
This guy is interesting...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=AWoOy4fARw0

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4gRMfJYTYhA
She fucking ROCKs

 

i'm normally a very placid person, which makes my rage even more alarming i think. i'm very tolerant, but not very moderate.

i don't deal with physical/hormonal triggers like you do, except for that time of the month a little bit. i'm glad you have ways of releasing that in a healthy way.

my inner storm is mostly intellectual/spiritual...always kind of brewing in there, and then an emotional trigger will set me off, and all hell breaks loose.

 

I wouldn't say I'm placid. But I reach for reason and facts first. I figure if I can't win using those, I should probably just shut up.

 

i find this very helpful. thank you.

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i mean from a physical standpoint, i'm practically lethargic. when i get nervous or excited my physical response is to practically shut down. my problem is my fucking mouth.

 

Ah yeah. I'm the opposite, bordering on hyperactive, though not with the 'ricochet' seen in ADHD.

But I have a problem with my mouth, too

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I have never been any good at keeping it shut.

 

haha, speaking of which, you guys are going to hate this but i feel compelled to share. humor me.

you know how i'm always talking about having a relationship with god, and him "talking to me" and showing me things and whatnot, and you guys think i'm nuts? here's a great example...

recently i've "erupted" a couple of times, and i've had to admit that i have a problem. i don't want to be like this any more. so i've been thinking about it a lot. which is why i responded to this thread...because it's been on my mind.

my husband is an alcoholic. he's been sober for over 5 years, so i've never known him to drink...we just met a little over a year ago. but since we've been together, he's mentioned a couple of times that maybe i should go to alanon. just from an alcoholic's perspective, and being familiar with AA, he thought it would be helpful.

i haven't taken an interest in going. it's hard for me to see my husband as teetering on the edge of a drink. he seems very content with his sobriety and in control. that's probably partly true, and partly naivety on my part.

another reason i'm probably reluctant to go is that i'm an addict myself. i'm not an alcoholic per se, but i have been known to binge eat, smoke cigs, smoke pot, and drink too much and for the wrong reasons. i'm a controlled addict...i give in to my addictions and tell myself they don't negatively affect my life. and that's a lie.

when we got married i thought being around him would be a positive influence on me, and it has been. i even entertained the idea of quitting myself at first, knowing it would be a "right" thing to do, but have not.

if my husband wasn't an alcoholic i wouldn't have paid any attention to neverfly's comment. i would have been like "yeah, alanon, alcoholism...can't really relate".

i don't think things happen by coincidence. i think god's telling me to go to alanon. through you guys! hee hee.

if i didn't think my rage was a problem, and it hadn't been on my mind (wanting to change), i wouldn't have been posting in this thread.

if my husband wasn't an alcoholic, i would have dismissed neverfly's comment.

if i hadn't seen neverfly's comment, i would have never considered going to alanon.

see?

 

Awesome you can share.
Now that you have pin pointed some of your problems, set a day to follow through and check out a meeting. Or talk to your husband if you can and see how he would support you in exploring trying to better yourself. May just make your bond stronger as you two work together through this.

I, myself, have been through alot of shit the last two years. I have noticed that I try to suppress everything and then I lose it at weird times. I either shut down or wait for an asshole to start shit and I take it out on them. In fact, happened just the other day it happened. Had I walked away, even though it wasn't my fault, things wouldn't have gotten out of hand.

Someone, whom I love dearly, has this horrible habit of not leaving an issue alone and pushes me until I pop, but somehow he turns it around for a good learning experience. But, he seems to have noticed this new trait I have developed and after some pushing from him, I've decided myself to go ahead and look for some help with this. Especially after the other day, I realized things could have gone a different way and I could have gotten my ass handed to me (luckily for me it was the other way) or worse, so I decided to look into getting some help. In a weird way, I already feel slight relief knowing that I'm doing this.

Guess I am saying, try not to wait until you get yourself into a bad situation. I left myself in danger and took out my frustration from other things on this person. He had it coming, but a wiser person would have walked away unscathed. I let my pride and anger get the best of me. I realized it could have been really hurt or worse and I feel some slight guilt at letting myself get so riled up that I actually injured another human being. Yeah, most would say the dude had it coming, but reality is it didn't have to go that way.

Good luck with everything though. Hope things work out for ya eventually.