...I'm hyperadrenal and aggressive

Seriously. The next human being who fucks with me had better have a fucking Kalashnikov cocked and ready to fire. I am a drugged up sociopath right now. I just don't give a shit any more. Give a fuck about another human being, and they will knife you in the spinal cord.

I feel like I just took some really powerful stimulant. My fucking pupils are huge. My hands are shaking. I want to just pound someone into the floor. Just look them in the eyes and stomp the shit out of them and not give a millionth of a fuck.

Just ranting. Thanks for listening everyone.

 

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Now that massive adrenaline/dopamine overload is subsiding, and I just feel small and puny and dying.

Fuck people.

 

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Sorry for throwing a tantrum.

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What the hell is wrong with you?

 

Don't ask.

I'm fine. Well my fine motor skills are shot and I'm really really cold, but I'm fine.

I was just venting. I'm not going to actually go commit a crime or anything.

 

I mean it must be some known medical condition. Isn't there any treatment?

 

lol, happy ranting!

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I understand you.

 

Quite possibly I have one, yeah. I have had the disproportionate fight/flight thing since I was a kid. Never could calm down at will. My mind does one thing, my autonomic nervous system does another. I have had issues with excessively high adrenaline levels too. Like up there with Mount Vesuvius high.

I could care less about finding the cause. Most people if I fell down and died would probably shrug their shoulders and say 'Meh, she was just a fucking Neanderthal anyway.' Lol.

 

Ok...I'm being unfair. I'm sure they would care.

 

Folks around here would.

So keep your head up.

Exchange the word, "Neanderthal" for "Amazon."

 

Thanks Neverfly. *hugs ya*

 

Just get a fucking grip.

 

Ok then.

You suggest what to do when you have already made the effort to use reason and fairness, and neither worked.

Just continue eating shit and never complain?

Would you rather I hurt someone in real life?

 

The sad little piano tune from 'The Incredible Hulk' started playing in my head
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=m55T004kvEQ

 

Hehehe.

More like this.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R4dR5oAZzFY

 

Interesting lyrics, rather a catchy little tune I'd say...now let's all sing along....

Lyrics to Rip The Flesh :


The rotten body lies before me
Blood still dripping from the wounds
Can't have this fucker looking at me
Eyes wide open, intense gaze

Force my thumbs into the eyes, press them back into the head
See them burst open wide, covering my hands as it smears
Grab the skull. It's slippery, hard to find a real good grip
Hard to find the perfect grip

Insert a hook in the back of the head
Elevate the body a few feet of the ground
Remove all clothes, expose the cadaver

Swirling and rocking from side to side
Tearing from the body, removing all the skin
Rotten flesh and tissue has been revealed

Glance across the tools, need something sharp to open him
Hacking in the flesh with a pair of gleaming scissors
Inserting them into the abdomen and cut it up

Out spills the entrails, falling to the floor
Cleaning him out, nothing stays inside
Scrape up his waste, put them in a bucket

I seek to find redemption, salvation for my mind
Succumb to my aggression, redeem the ill treated
I find my stimulation in pain beyond control
I have to push on harder to maintain this feeling
Covet the pain - Covet the kill
Demanding pain - Demanding kill

Grab my pliers and cut the spine
The nerve chords are pouring out into his chest cavity
Moving up onto his skull, crack it open even more
Clutch the brain firm and steady, start to pull
It gives in easily, the head is emptied, brain put in a jar

With a jigsaw I open up the torso
The heart and lungs now lay exposed
The scissors release them from their attachments

The body's now been emptied and all has been taken out
Leave the butchered carcass hanging from a shining hook
Turn off the lights and leave the room, yet still I'm not fullfilled

I seek to find redemption, salvation for my mind
Succumb to my aggression, redeem the ill treated
I find my stimulation in pain beyond control
I have to push on harder to maintain this feeling
Covet the pain - Covet the kill
Demanding pain - Demanding kill

 

i've dealt with a lot of, and continue to deal with rage.

it's extremely difficult to see life as reasonable and fair.

the only way i can achieve that perspective is to take a good long hard look in the mirror, and realize that i'm powerful and responsible enough to do the right thing.

 

Lol. I just love the sheer speed and "violence" of the music.

I used to love lyrics about killing and raping. Now I'm not averse to them but I do prefer something socially relevant, at least when I'm in a calm mood.

 

Indeed. Real life isn't reasonable and fair, all you can do is do your best to make it so. And sometimes you just have to let shit out so you can feel better and go back to being calm, adult and reasonable. I'd rather do it in the form of text on a screen rather than direct it at someone in real life where I might do actual harm.