Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by amark317, Sep 18, 2009.
I have a few female friends, but i need a girlfriend!
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why do you need a girlfriend?
because i'm lonely and have never had one and my hand just isn't really doing it for me anymore.
could the fact that i have a girl friend (not girlfriend) that i always sit with and walk to other classes with be driving away others?
not necessarily. it could actually make you more attractive to other girls.
so why not one of the girls you're already friends with?
Why don't you just choose a girl that you really like and would want to be your girlfriend and go and ask her out? You wonder if you are driving others away by being with other women but women are not likely to go after you and ask you out. Some do but many do not. Be more assertive.
I wouldn't suggest you ask one of your female friends since you give no indication that you are attracted to any of them enough to pursue them as love interests. Also if you do hook up with a friend and it doesn't work you can say bye bye to the friendship. A lover can become a friend after a breakup but a friendship turned something else usually ruins the friendship and adds a component of awkwardness neither of you may get over.
i think it's a good idea to be friends first, and if that works out well, and that friend is someone you think would make a good mate, then become lovers.
You don't necessarily need a girlfriend. Just go get laid!
And what of the friend? What if she isn't interested in him? If one of his friends felt amorous towards him he would surely know it. And what of amarak? He's given not the slightest indication that he is interested in one of his female friends as a girlfriend. Either way it only leads to an awkward moment.
Also it ruins friendships. If you value a friendship you won't want to throw it away on an experiment.
well of course it would be contingent on the desire to take the friendship to another level. i'm just saying that friendship is a good place to start. :shrug:
what else would you start with? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
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Attraction. Then you pursue it to see if you have anything in common, if you get along romantically. Love and friendship requires different ingredients and are two different contracts so to speak.
If he pursues a friend who he isn't really keen on as a girlfriend then it would not be fair to the friend would it? If there was feeling between him and one of his female friends he wouldn't be asking how he can find a girlfriend as he would be looking at what is in front of him.
I don't know of a woman who has a male friend she is interested in as a boyfriend that doesn't give hint of her feelings.
but you would have to be attracted to someone on some level to even want to be friends with them. not necessarily physically or sexually, but i don't consider a physical attraction that great of a place to start. there's a lot more involved in a sexual relationship than skin, sperm, and spit.
Really? You think the attraction same? Interchangeable? If you want a girlfriend its so you can be physically or sexually engaged as well as enjoying their company or he can just take Mike's advice and not worry about having a girlfriend. But he says he wants a girlfriend and he separates that kind of relationship from what he has at hand which are female friends.
No one spoke of skin and sweat but you. I suggested he find someone he is romantically disposed to. You simply suggested he choose whatever female is sitting next to him regardless of how either of them feel. Again if one of his friends were an option he wouldn't have started a thread on how to find a girlfriend. Also you may find the physical not an important place to start but he says this "because i'm lonely and have never had one and my hand just isn't really doing it for me anymore."
Now why would he be lonely if he has a friend who can fill this void? Could it be because the void is physical and not just a matter of having someone nice to hang out with?
He did say that "his hand just wasn't doing it for him anymore". I don't think the focus is on a long-term relationship with complex emotional depths.
well, my personal opinion, but i wouldn't recommend trying to circumvent the complex emotional depths. i think he'd be short-changing himself if he does.
Says you. He says he hasn't yet ever had a girlfriend so he has never had an opportunity to 'circumvent' anything.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Instead of giving advice as if you were speaking to yourself why don't you pay attention to the little he has said so far.
because she's engaged to a guy that lives 6 hours away.(and they're both in high school)
I didn't ask the question Lori did but it does indicate the problem with pursuing friends as girlfriends; they tend to find their boyfriends elsewhere.
As this girl is indisposed you will have to look elsewhere. As I said you will have to be more proactive in pursuing a girlfriend, just don't come across as being desperate about it or you will turn off the person you are pursuing.
my plan is to stick around as a friend because i know that her current relationship probably won't last long.
That doesn't sound like a good idea. You are betting on the failure of her relationship and you have given us no reason to believe she will be interested in you even if she does break up with her present partner.
Why fixate on a woman who has chosen someone over you? Why fixate on someone he is with someone else? Why not find someone who would choose you?
As far as sticking around as a friend, you are no friend at all, you are being disingenuous as you're motives is to have her as a girlfriend. You are also not so concerned for her happiness as you are hoping that her relationship fails, which isn't something that friends do.
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