A friend of mine is hopelessly in love with a guy and it's going nowhere. He's simply not whole enough to love her back and make a real relationship out of it. He doesn't give her enough attention, doesn't spend enough time with her, is completely oblivious to her need for just plain companionship. He blames it on being married/estranged -- she's no homewrecker, but it's a bit complicated -- but as bright as he is he could have figured out how to solve all the problems in about a week and should be living with her by now. He's just not trying and he's hiding behind his fragment of a marriage as an excuse. They're both around fifty, not star-struck kids by any means, but because of the life he had the luck to get, he's never had to grow up. They work for the same company and she can't just stop seeing him. Every time she runs into him or he drops by her heart goes pitty-pat and she's right back where she started. He's got that charm thing and they actually do have some very nice things in common, so it's no mystery how she got involved with him. She says he's the one true love of her life, and knowing the story of her life I kind of believe her. Yet she also knows that this relationship is doomed. So, a question to all of you nice people: How do you go about falling out of love with someone who would be Mister Right if he were as emotionally mature as his chronological age, who won't go away, who insists that he loves you, and whom you can't get away from due to circumstances? My friend thinks she's going to have to leave town and not give him her forwarding address. I worry that this won't be enough. Without the reality of seeing how badly he acts, she could get caught up in a fantasy and pine over him until she's sixty. Naturally this would make me sad since I'm not a very gregarious person and I can't afford to lose even one friend. I was in a situation somewhat like this when I was much younger. But it was a different era, the 1960s. What saved me was a distraction, something to break the continuity and allow me to get out of my rut. A married lady who was looking for adventure while her husband was doing the same thing simply latched onto me and gave me several weeks of distraction, then sauntered off when she could see that I was healed. But my friend doesn't want anything to do with any more married men; she's afraid that she might just transfer the affection to someone else who won't do any better by her. Single, available men never click with her, IMO because they can tell at a glance that her heart is taken. Has anyone out there had an experience like this and found a way out of it, or know someone who did? Do you have any suggestions for things she might do to get out of this hole? Reading this over, I see a lot of little signs that I'm missing something. It doesn't all add up. I feel like there's something going on that I don't see because I'm too close to her. And you all know I'm happily married -- not to mention old enough to be her father -- so I doubt that my blind spot is due to being part of the problem. Perhaps you can spot a hole. Maybe because she's my pal I don't see one of her negative qualities. I've always tried to help you folks whenever one of you has cried out for it. Please let it be my turn. I feel so sad for this lady and I feel like I'm failing her. I'm not just meddling; she welcomes my help because the couple of suggestions I've given her so far have been highly successful. But I can't figure out what else to tell her. Thanks, F.R.