Jesus has just come home after yet another ramble in the desert and is just about to take a shower when Joseph asks him to sit with him by the fireside in the front room of the family log cabin. Jesus is slightly on edge, as Joseph looks him in the eye and Joseph says, "Your mother and I had a bit of a chat today and we thought that I should have a bit of a chat with you". Jesus, even more on edge says, "A bit of a chat ?" "Yes, a bit of a chat !", replies Joseph. "What about, exactly ?" asks Jesus. "Well, to be quite frank... How old are you ?" "16" says Jesus. Joseph continues,"Well, your mother and I thought you are old enough to learn how you came to be". Jesus offers, "Well, the other boys at the Temple said some filthy things, father!". "Well, don't take any notice of those silly boys, Jesus". Jesus, shuffles nervously, as Joseph explains... "In order to bring you to be, it was necessary for your mother and I to do something". Jesus blushes as Joseph continues... "Now there is nothing to be embarrassed about; It was necessary for your mother to sit in a chair. A chair that I had recently vacated and was still warm, from my body. Then 6 years later you were born !"
Just when you think things don't get weirder they do Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
How do you come with a crap like that. You must be a very dangerous angry person. Whatever happen in your life to be so disillusioned, it is better for you to drop it and start a new forgiving beginning.
I don't get it. What chair? Why six years later? Is this a tale of fancy? Or an accounting of some theory? Who exactly is Timojin angry at? Ted or Michael? Why does a fanciful story, without context, cause Tim to think Ted (or Michael) is dangerous and/or angry?
Joseph continues... You must not think less of your mother, Jesus, she had to do it; she did it; and here you are!" Jesus, looking slightly worried says, "Thank you, father, for explaining how I came to be, but I am slightly worried". "What are you worried about, my son ?" "Well, the other day, the cat sat on this chair, only a few moments after I vacated it. Should we have it destroyed ?" Joseph replies, "It's a lovely chair !" "No !" responds Jesus, "I mean the cat!" Joseph smiles and explains, "No, Jesus, this thing of which I speak only happens if you are married." "And I am not married." "Not to the cat, in any case! but I am confused about the filthy things those boys said." "Don't take any notice of those boys. They are filthy, dirty, dirty, filthy, dirty." Jesus is still confused. Joseph insists,"Your mother and I did not use that dirty method." "But I was having a bit of a chat with Uncle Gabriel recently and he said..." Joseph interrupts and says firmly, "Don't take any notice of Uncle Gabriel! He's a sick dirty filthy dirty sick man. Your mother is an angel. She has to cope with Uncle Gabriel." "Is that why she sleeps in the same bed as Uncle Gabriel ?" inquires Jesus. "Yes", replies Joseph, "She has to sleep in the same bed, to stop him getting up to things in the night!" "So, I think I'll just pop upstairs to see how she is and...", but again Joseph interrupts, "No. Don't do that Jesus. She's busy. Coping with Uncle Gabriel". Jesus looks sad and says, "Poor Uncle Gabriel." Joseph confirms, "Yes, poor Uncle Gabriel."
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What are you trying to tell that you are a storyteller. The story have been told !! So you are just using space on this forum.
Joseph was absent and Mary got pregnant so he divorced her. Later they reconciled, I don't know how the virgin birth myth got started. Evidently, the Jews found public records attesting to this.
Thread moved to Free Thoughts, as the only religious connotation this has is using the names of Jesus, Mary, Joseph etc... story would have made just as little sense by swapping in the names Gary, Sue, and Frank...
Are you offering an alternative nativity play or what? Jesus quite often used stories (parables) when speaking to a crowd, especially when the Jewish authorities were trying to trap him. Later, he would explain the deeper meaning to his loyal companions. If this is a parable, then you certainly fooled the authorities here ! So what is the secret meaning ?
Until and unless Ted cares to elaborate, I think it's fair to treat it as just a fanciful musing. (Especially now that it's been moved to Free Thoughts*) It's not like he's made even the slightest suggestion that this is more than that. It is, literally, a free thought. No need to bunch up one's panties. * You're welcome. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Jesus was a religious figure, and we are talking about his origin story as it relates to virgin birth. If that doesn't pertain to religion, I don't know what does.
Are we? The only person who can answer that is the OP. For all we know, Ted is writing an alternate history piece of fiction, and is making no assertion at all about real events. It's really on the OP to state his premise. No one can presume what his premise is, and until then they remain, simply, free thoughts.
^^^ The title seems religious but the OP & its continuation do not. I am for satire, parody & sarcasm & I like most of Ted's threads but this is very different. <>
In the Bible, there are many fanciful stories; talking animals, virgin birth, healing the sick, walking on water, rising from the dead, visions of the end times etc.. Millions of people have read and believed these stories to be true. In fact, people have been burned alive in public for doubting tiny details. My story, which is also fanciful has been correctly recognized as such, very quickly and banished to the Free Thoughts section, probably because it was reported. No trial. Guilty. And that is the correct response to a mad story. Good work. Well done. There is a serious point to the story. At some time, when Jesus was old enough to discover the facts of life, usually from friends first, he may have had a chat with a teacher or other adult. Somebody must have told him that his conception was radically different, magical and pure and that Joseph had no role, even though he must have thought that Joseph was his father. So how would Jesus take this information? I can remember being told the truth by a friend and at first I didn't believe it. I had the strong impression that it couldn't be right to be naked in front of a lady. It took many more chats and discussions, plus reading books for it to become completely acceptable to me. In the case of Jesus, his story was unique. He wouldn't be able to check the story with friends and he certainly wouldn't find any books explaining the method by which he came to be. Why would he ever believe it? And how did the Gospel writers find out his method? None of you thought my story was credible, so why has anybody ever believed the Jesus conception story in the Bible? It's just as mad as mine. The actual story in the Bible was made up to solve a theological problem. It was thought that original sin is inherited from one's father. They thought that the man planted a seed in the woman and that she was simply a vessel in which the seed grows, just like a seed in the ground. But Jesus had to be holy and free of sin, so therefore God had to plant the seed and the woman, in this case, Mary had to remain pure, unpolluted by sin from a man. In the old testament, when animals were sacrificed, in order for them to be acceptable to God, they had to be unblemished and in tip-top condition. Likewise, Jesus, who became the final sacrifice, also had to be pure and free from blemish. This explains the origin of the immaculate conception myth.
