How do you deal with people who don't treat you fairly?

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by wegs, Oct 4, 2019.

  1. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    What an insightful post! I appreciate you sharing this. I agree that looking to add pain to my life would be unwise. Sometimes, I fall into the trap of giving people the benefit of the doubt wayyy too often. When in reality, they’re not having a bad day or whatever, they are just unkind to their core. Or at least that is what anyone could glean from their actions.
     
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  3. Seattle Valued Senior Member

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    I get your point but I have to ask, how many people are really "unkind to their core"?

    I don't think I've met many. I've met people who are flawed (as all of us are in some ways). Some have personalities that I don't particularly enjoy being around but I've met very few people that I would describe as being "unkind to their core".
     
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  5. Truck Captain Stumpy The Right Honourable Reverend Truck Captain Valued Senior Member

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    well... in all honesty, this depends on your definition of "unkind". Given that it's subjective, the numbers would be shockingly high. We do have a way to quantify it a bit though:
    1% of the general population are psychopaths [Dr. Robert Hare, Criminal psychology researcher, Creator of the PCL-R]

    4% of Americans are sociopaths [Dr. Martha Stout, Harvard University psychologist - In the 2005 book, "The Sociopath Next Door" Harvard University psychologist Martha Stout claims one out of every 25 people in America is a sociopath. She defines sociopath as a person with no conscience.]

    5-15% of Americans are Almost psychopaths [Dr. Ronald Schouten, Associate professor of psychiatry at Harvard Medical School. Ronald Schouten refers to the "almost psychopaths" in his book "Almost a Psychopath"]

    This does not mean all sociopaths or psychopaths are unkind all the time, however, most of them will only be kind in order to serve a need of their own. I would say that 1% +/- .5% of the population are "unkind to their core".
    I've met an assload of them.


     
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  7. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    I haven’t met many but I have met some.
     
    Last edited: Oct 21, 2019
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  8. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    Yea, I’ve read something like 1 out of every 25 people is a sociopath/psychopath, and unfortunately, those types are rarely able to change.

    Maya Angelou was noted as saying “when people show you who they are, believe them the first time.”
     
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  9. Truck Captain Stumpy The Right Honourable Reverend Truck Captain Valued Senior Member

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    to coin a phrase from legendary FBI profiler John Douglas - You can't rehabilitate someone who has never been habilitated in the first place.

    I don't know for sure but, in all my years, I've not once seen any of those who I would classify as "unkind to their core" change. not once. ever.
    but then again, there is little done for the criminally insane or the incarcerated, other than isolation from society and medical treatment.
     
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  10. wegs Matter & Pixie Dust Valued Senior Member

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    Barring a psychoanalysis, we can’t know for sure if someone has NPD, etc but I’ve dated a few. That is where my experiences of “unkind to the core” stem from. I’m what is considered an “empath,” and supposedly, those who exhibit those traits are drawn to empaths.

    I’d say that if someone doesn’t treat me well on a regular basis, if there is a persistent pattern emerging, then I just stop talking to them. No drama, no grand declaration of “woe is me, you hurt me,” etc.

    That said, I have an awesome circle of friends and we all have mutual respect for each other. If there are ever hurt feelings, we are quick to apologize because we care about each other. I think that’s how it should be in healthy friendships and relationships.
     
  11. RainbowSingularity Valued Senior Member

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    many people normalise the transactional process of taking from others.
    being defined into that bracket by people because of a various internal nature is common by default.
    however, making them pay back what they have taken plus interest tends to help balance the pot with that particular person(right to self defense & to claim damages)
    however, ambulance chasing cannibalistic mercenaries will seek to profit from the suffering of others.

    i have personally witnessed people who self identify and group identify as being the group giving person and of a consensus to group as a giver, become the manipulator and abuser because they lacked self control to determine their self identity from the culture of the group.

    it is difficult to label such people as worthy of punishment when they lack the higher ability to maintain self determination, yet appear outwardly as a self capable individual of liberal morality.

    i can read in-between your lines to the nature of your possible disposition in that regard.

    does that come with a free Roast Dinner ?

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    sharpening the point a little...
    those who appear to publicly identify as being equal rights and fair yet actions are inherently nasty and consciousely undermining...
    ... im mindful of trolls now as far as giving some ideas

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    (so i wont give any examples to give trolls tools etc)

    how many marriages last for ever ... etc ...
    how many people cheat on their partner before they break up with them and/or cheat on them and stay with them etc ...
    "healthy relationships" tends to be a morally distorted term for the average relationship lol

    is it healthy to keep secrets from your partner ?
    a somewhat loaded concept of conflicted moral absolutes...
    transactional Vs ideological ... ?
    hhmm...
    note common cultural lies and moral bastardization to inject "honesty" as a concept of governing law that has no parameters for application except in implied and non verbal terms of custom etc...
     
    Last edited: Oct 22, 2019
  12. LiteFeather09 Registered Member

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    It was a ruined friendship for me. I think personal relationships like at are the hardest to deal with. He just kept on making me feel guilty for not talking to him enough or replying to his messages, and apparently I'm not hyping him enough on social media... I just got tired of it and told him that he's attacking me for no reason. I talk to him just as much as I talk to my other friends, and I don't spend a lot of time on social media because I'm busy, i.e., I have a life outside our ~friendship~. In the end I just stopped talking to him because that one time I tried telling him about how he made me feel, he's like "Well, I'm sorry you felt that way but that was not my intention at all." He just dismissed the matter like that, lol.

    I've heard from some friends and family members that they've had one friend like that, too. Honestly, I think sometimes you just have to cut people off from your life if they're ridiculously inconsiderate.
     

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