Getting over a crush

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by darksidZz, Sep 19, 2009.

  1. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    Seriously, and one you had for nearly a year and 1/2 (I just want to be your friend speech) with no chance of going anywhere because they are out of your life as of today. Any ideas at all.
     
  2. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  3. sandy Banned Banned

    Messages:
    7,926
    Find someone better who loves and appreciates you.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  4. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  5. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    I'll try, but I feel very upset now because I realize I'll never see her again, and that she doesn't care because I didn't just wanna be her friend, I wanted to see her on free time and get to know her more

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    it hurts pretty bad. I'd made her alot of Origami too and she tossed it once I told her I couldn't just be her close friend. It got a point she was telling me about the guys (or about too start) that's when I backed off. Is it so wrong to feel something for someone? I feel terrible too because maybe I should've tried harder to make my interest clearer.
     
  6. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  7. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    Sorry to hear it. I know it sucks when you care for someone and its unrequited. There is no way of getting through it save keeping oneself busy and hoping the feelings of loss and disappointment don't hang around too long. Try and not contact her for a while. Tell her you want to remain friends (if its indeed true) but you need some distance time.

    Oh yes and take Sandy's advice.

    If all else fails drink

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    (joking, joking)

    You are making a mistake if you think that you needed to try harder. People are attracted to what they are attracted to and its not about you its about her. She wasn't interested and though you are hurt you will need to 'man-up' and deal with it. There will be other disappointments and rejections so you (as we all do) need to learn how to cope with it while not allowing it to damage your self-esteem.
     
  8. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    I spent alot of time getting to know her, in the end she just wanted me around to "vent" and "listen" which wasn't friendship IMO it was therapy. I just couldn't pretend to be happy listening to her tell me about other guys she was about to get involved with, she told me "I think you're a really cool guy and I like your views on things I just want to be your friend." Which at that point, after 1 1/2 years of knowing her I realized she would never change that feeling for me. That's when I sent her an e-mail basically saying I wasn't going to divert anymore time & energy to her, I was flattered she wanted me to be her close friend but circumstances had changed, then I said "this is probably of little consequence to you now but I wanted to make things crystal clear. Thank you for the interesting conversations."

    Who else but me would've stuck around that long, and don't pretend I didn't try leaving the situation but she got upset whenever I tried because "I want to be your friend" so I'd go back for awhile then try again to leave. She told me "didn't you think I didn't want to give up, I don't have many friends and I'm very picky." But appearantly I wasn't worth considering as a boyfriend. I feel ill

    I wanted to add countless times she'd e-mail and say "fine, I can take a hint Sam" but then we'd make up or something like it, but the final time she said it I wrote back "no you can't take a hint, otherwise you'd have given up a long time ago." I hear nothing but her desire to be friends from her, broken hearts come in two and I know I dashed her hopes but I gotta take care of myself first right?
     
    Last edited: Sep 19, 2009
  9. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    Ahh. So you think it wasn't real friendship because she wanted to talk about stuff all the time? Well actually its because she's female. That's what we do with our female friends all the time, talk as if it was therapy, so I think she was probably being sincere as far as friendship and doing what she would have done with a female friend.

    But what about your feeliings for her? Perhaps they were a little conditional? I mean if you were a 'friend' you would have been able to listen to her but you found it difficult because well you were not interested in her just as a friend, you were hoping she would see you as more than a friend. In a way you were not being honest with her because you were giving her the impression you were able to be 'just a friend' but really you had other motives, which were that she should feel for you the way you wanted her to feel for you. It might even be reversed one day where you are the one who has to break someone's heart simply because you cannot reciprocate their feelings even if you like them as a person.

    The good thing is that there are other women out there who won't just see you as a friend but will want you as a boyfriend.
     
  10. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    Well I was honest mostly, I tried distancing myself but anytime I would she'd become upset and I'd get an email asking where I was, etc. I'd always go back for awhile then try again. It was like that the entire time I knew her. I turned down invitations as a friend to attend her birthday party (never happened) and other various things but she wouldn't give up. I felt so bad when she asked me to goto a bar with a coworker of ours and I knew I couldn't because if I did it would be with romantic interest that I showed up not as a friend. I don't think she understood that's why I couldn't go. I'm miserable
     
  11. Mrs.Lucysnow Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    9,879
    Well its over now and you will have to distance yourself until you're feelings for her change, and they will change in time. For now just stay away from her, maybe one day the both of you can really be friends but its not now.

    Next time remember not to stay so long hoping for something. Relationships do not take such a long time to develop, I mean if she was going to fall for you romantically it would have happened relatively quickly. So in future take this as a lesson.
     
  12. RubiksMaster Real eyes realize real lies Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,646
    It sounds like not a very pleasant situation. What I find helps in these situations is to try not to dwell on it. Don't bash yourself for what you should have done, or what didn't happen for whatever reason. Just identify your lesson learned, and try your best to move on. You can look at this as an experience that made you a better person, because now you know, for future reference, that it's not a good idea to hold on for that long without her showing romantic interest.

    I still have feelings for a girl I very briefly dated 5 years ago. I still sometimes wonder what could have materialized if I hadn't been so stupid. What I'm trying to say is, it takes a while to get over it sometimes, and you will probably feel disappointed for a long time, but it's just part of life, and it's a part that everyone goes through. There are ways of dealing with it.

    Get out there and meet more people. Socializing has a way of helping out in these situations. Just have fun with people, and don't pay too much thought to how bad you feel. Also, the more you go out and meet people, the more chance you will have of meeting a girl that actually wants to be more than just friends.
     
  13. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    After these experiences I'm just not sure that's even possible for me anymore. I mean from what I've observed women like a man that's exciting, has alot of friends with different interests and hobbies, and one who has a relatively easy financial life. I'm not very good like this I have no real pals since I'm reclusive, I am pretty much interested in things like musuems (no girls wanna go there on a date) and well :\
     
  14. Japarican Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    148
    My advice: Be yourself...don't bother with girls that are unavailable or clearly have no interest in becoming more than your friend. I'm a girl and I happen to like museums very much...

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  15. RubiksMaster Real eyes realize real lies Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,646
    Then you're not looking hard enough. That's what you've observed because that's what's presented to you every day (it's the stereotype). The girls you are looking for probably aren't going to simply jump out at you. They keep a low profile, much like you do.

    Just do what you do best, and there are a lot of girls that are attracted to people like you. Also a lot of girls like going to museums and whatnot. If you aren't finding the girls that like you, it's not because they don't exist. It's because you either aren't looking hard enough, or you are looking in the wrong places.
     
  16. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    Thanks for this advice so far, hope it helps me avoid this in the future

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  17. Dywyddyr Penguinaciously duckalicious. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,942
    Oh for crying out loud what's all this touchy-feely advice?
    Get drunk and go on a killing spree!
     
  18. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    I knew you'd say that ha
     
  19. Dywyddyr Penguinaciously duckalicious. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,942
    It's probably the one time in your life other guys will say "I understand".
    Make the most of it.
     
  20. darksidZz Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,922
    They think they understand but I sure as hell don't, lol I'm more confused now than ever I was before, infact a psychic told me "you have a look of confusion on your face" hahaha which is damn right.
     
  21. Dywyddyr Penguinaciously duckalicious. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    18,942
    No, they understand how you feel.

    Well duh! Wimmin.
    You surely don't expect to understand them do you?

    Well psychics are weirder (and less rational) than wimmin.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  22. Xerxes asdfghjkl Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,830
    Go out and have casual sex with random women. And make sure you wear a hat.

    (*imagines darksidz wearing a top-hat during sex*)
     
  23. draqon Banned Banned

    Messages:
    35,006
    become a priest and forget all Earthly desires.

    or

    change yourself.
     
    Last edited: Sep 20, 2009

Share This Page