Everyday sexism

Umm, because you told me to the effect to butt out or else?

I'm not making any apologies for Michael, he's big enough and ugly enough to look after himself.
I could ask, why are you trying to deter people from supporting me.?

Your wrong, it's not sexism.

They are not irrelevant and the points you make are simply excuses and what ifs.

I'm as cute and as calm as a cucumber James...I finally have learnt its best way to deal with some people. Is that what's troubling you?

I agree with some of what wegs says, other points no. I don't respond because she is a lady and I generally avoid conflict with females. Is that also sexist James?

Wrong...I said I would pay half...and you could also meet with My Mrs and the next door neightbour who addresses me as Love...as well as the two bar attendants.
And I don't need to prove anything James, I was trying to show you a path to reality if you wanted it.

 

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Because you posed the question.

I'm no Angel but I always try and do the right thing, in all situations.

Yep, but that's not the case.

Likewise you are not qualified to fabricate what you believe anyone else would or should do.

 

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I think that it’s evasive to reflect the question back to the questioner.

If you’re unable to answer the question then you are unable to make the charge of sexism.

 

I'm gonna go out on a limb here

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: That question of yours wasn't about you asking to be educated by James R about 'the decisiveness of women';

it was about a view you have, and an argument you plan to present. And it's incomplete.

James R is simply giving you the opportunity to complete your argument.

 

Why stand up a strawman to be knocked down, when you could do the same with an aunt sally.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aunt_Sally

You got something against men??

 

Heh. That's new to me.
Now if only we had a gender-neutral phrase...

 

Recently read an article about “benevolent sexism,” which basically is a paternal or patronizing attitude among men towards women, but done in subtle ways such as calling women cutesy names instead of their actual name etc. (if you don’t know their name, men shouldn’t resort to calling strangers of the opposite sex “honey” and “babe.”)

I can see where this “type” of sexism can usher in other forms of sexism - because it’s subtle. Almost normalizing it and like any slippery slope, other more latent forms of sexism take shape.

Paddoboy, while you might not see your calling of strangers “love,” a problem, it sort of perpetuates sexism in subtle ways. I wouldn’t pretend to know why you refer to women as “love” - maybe you altruistically believe you’re being friendly, but sometimes there’s a bigger picture that our behaviors lead to.

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Lack of women commenting that it offends them, doesn't mean they ''like'' it. I get the sense that you'd stop completely, if women were to share with you that it belittles them, so maybe you take their silence and friendly smile, as acceptance?

 

Er, I'm not sure.

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recently
(I think at the animal hospital)
after a woman gave me some information i wanted, I said "thanks babe"
then apologized for that word
and she said: "That's ok, I actually like it"

..............................................................................
(I ain't completely confused yet, but I am working in it.)

 

Not every woman will feel belittled, but some might. Best not to assume that every woman will ''like it.'' But, just curious...what motivates you to call a stranger, ''babe?'' Like, why not just reply with ''thank you?'' Every action we take comes from something motivating it - do you view it as flirting? Is it so some women see you a certain way? (I'm not judging you as though you need scolding, I'm genuinely curious.)

 

The apology puts you in the clear. Quite a few women, including my late wife, would have resented being called babe quite strongly.

 

Then you haven’t looked because there are countless studies regarding gender differences in decision making.

Either way, we should ask ourselves why we value rash decisions over quality decisions.

I hope so, because if not, that’s one hell of a probe.

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As Simon de Beauvoir pointed out, men define women relative to them, and more often than not, women represent the negative. Most insults directed towards other men are traits that are normally associated with women.

Men make jokes about out-groups to bond with other men when they’re feeling insecure, but as you’ve just experienced, making rash decisions can undermine your long-term goals, even if you have the best intentions.

A Christian group just tore down the one in California while shouting “Christ is King,” with the out-group being aliens from Mexico or outer space.

Perhaps it’s testosterone that can make someone feel bold enough to lead a group, but at the same time reduce their ability to lead well.

“Christ is king in this country. We don’t want illegal aliens from Mexico or outer space,” a man in the video says. “So, let’s tear this bitch down.”

https://streamable.com/1sngc0

 

As mentioned above, another elephant in the room when it comes to these topics, is that women who (seem to) accept all kinds of ''references'' to get their attention, etc have also been conditioned to believing that ''men will be men,'' and that's it's futile to make a big deal about it or we come across as a bitch if we don't go along with men's idea of socializing. Same with sexual assault, rape, etc. ''But, she seemed to like it,'' or ''she didn't stop me,'' are also common phrases rapists say when justifying their assaults against women.

That said, I'm not suggesting even in the slightest way, that anyone's comments on this forum towards women border rape - but, I'm just pointing out that assuming women like it because they're silent, or smile and say they like it, isn't a good rule of thumb in convincing yourself that how you talk to women isn't demeaning. (This isn't to say sculptor, that the woman you mentioned above didn't ''like it,'' but she might feel that any other response to a guy, wouldn't be worth it.)

 

That's great that you apologized and she explained. If such communication happened more often we'd see a lot fewer problems. Consent is key.

 

It’s great to apologize but if he does it again and again, apologizing every time ...that’s not so great. The entire exchange is unnecessary. lol

 

wegsy [is that OK

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] I call them Love because in most cases I don't know there name. I find it far less formal and natural then saying, " excuse me Maam" which is sort of an Americanism, or " Hey you!" or " excuse me Lady" the same I guess, is why they [women] find it less formal to address me and other men in the same situation as " hey man" or "excuse me Mr" You see James seems to want to sweep under the carpet that it is common banter on both sides of the agenda.
In saying that wegs, I can understand where you are coming from. As you say [or infer] there are some arseholes out there of both sexes, but really irrespective of any effort to eliminate even the most "subtle" of remarks, like "love" It won't eliminate these arseholes. You know that, James knows that. They exist and always will. We can't remove all cars off the road because of a minority of drunken hoons that cause accidents and mayhem. All we do is make rules to help contain them.

We have a " movement" now in Australia, whenever a news report is on with regards to sexual assaults, or assaults in general, a piece immediatley after the news item to phone a certain number if you have experiences sexual or other abuse...A great initiative!
I know James will immediatley employ his " so what" dialogue here, but really wegs, I have never hit a woman and never will...I have never even told a woman to go and get stuffed or similar...I stand up [still] on a bus or train for women even at my ripe old age, not because I see them as inferior, but because women are different1 [at least I hope so] and I respect that difference...we have women's Rugby League in Australia now, and they hit each other near as hard as the blokes do...but we don't have the women playing the men...why? because that difference does [thankfully] exist.
James again likes to pretend that women simply accept these little subtleties because they have grown used to them...that may be the case in certain quarters but certainly not the case in all.

Let me again say that this type of casual banter exists in society and is in near all cases harmless banter, that both genders partake in and which means absolutely nothing sexually oriented towards the person being addressed. It's as natural as me saying please, or thank you.

Yes, accepted, some women may not like it and simply accept it, but please, give me some credit that I know the women in the cases I have mentioned, and really wegs, if I even noticed the most subtle look in any female I addressed as love, that they were displeased with the term, they would not have to ask me to desist...I would automatically desist.
But again, that generally speaking is not the case.
On the remark itself..."it must be a female Alien: she can't make up her mind" that seemed to have initially upset James...have you checked out the thread that this debacle was split from? Did you notice the frivolity that the remark was made in....you know, a monolith [2001 like] mysteriously appears in the desert...bloody Aliens!! then mysteriously disappears!!! bloody Aliens again, and the frivolous comments made and joking [the UFO nuts being the butt of the joke] and then my comment finally in similar jocular fashion.

I really don't know what else to say except that I totally reject all James' accusations, name callings and insinuations.
My other thoughts wegs? I believe this is a set up of sorts.
I was expected to blow my top after the allegations and name calling, as I did previously. That didn't and won't happen.

In summing wegs, I'm not in anyway a sexist or a misogynist and could relate many factual episodes in my life supporting that. But that too, would be met with disdain and more accusations of skiting and ego building by one or two of my little enemies here.
And I certainly do not see calling someone love [be it from a man or woman] in the vast majority of cases is a sexualised comment.

 

You can call me wegsy. lol I’ll return to comment, later.

I’ll leave with these comments though - I don’t get the sense that you’re malicious at all or misogynistic. But as mentioned above, many women go along with things to not rock the boat, when it comes to men making comments, so while you don’t see the problem with it (because you’re just being friendly) they may take it another way. (Especially if you’re a customer of theirs) But, then you make the joke on here about women (aliens) and now it’s not just a question of you being friendly by referring to women as “love,” etc., but more of a pattern forming that shows how you see women. I don’t know you paddoboy, and you’ve always been kind to me on here. But I’m just chiming in to help you see others’ points.

Standing up on the bus for women is a nice gesture. One might categorize it as chivalrous, a word that can be controversial at times. Some women might like it but others may find it patronizing, you know? If it’s well received, then that’s good. If you’re arguing with a woman to give her your seat because you want to appear chivalrous, not so good.

 

Indeed. I caught a faceful of flak here on his forum for mentioning smiling while holding a door open for a woman. I argued it was technically a sexist act (since I might not have smiled at a man), yet did not constitute misogyny.