I don't even know if this posts belongs in this topic but i just wanted some answer something to think about. I've read few books which just talk about how conquering your ego and pride is a great thing and such but never say HOW to do so. I'm sure many of us have been hurt because of our own ego and pride. If I ever achieve something I start feeling like I'm superior or something and if I lose and the person that beat me if happy/boasting it totally pisses me off and I feel like explaining myself or at least hurting that person with words. Although I'm not that extreme in the sense that most of the times I acknowledge the other person's victory who is truly my superior but its those close matches. Then again I can argue that I only don't feel bad when I lose to that person who is superior to me in that activity because I'm probably taking pride in the fact that I am superior to him/her in something else. I agree that pride and ego are natural characteristics. But I think I would do much better by suppressing them. And arrogance: I see it as a natural reaction/feeling towards something you are good/extraordinary in. So how do I truly suppress them? I can always put on a fake show like I'm all humble and modest and happy for others when they beat me and stuff but then I'm only fooling myself. I want to truly change. So how do I?
Keep fooling yourself, and pretty soon it'll become perfectly natural for you. And you'll soon become someone that no one will want to be around because you'll be deemed weird, strange, odd, crazy, etc. So, if those are the consequences, are you sure that you want to change? Baron Max
Ego - The False Center I've got to leave but since you said you had read and tried to learn about the subject I therefore submit this web site to you.
Why would you want to conquer your ego and pride. Your ego is the 'self ' that makes you who you are to the surrounding world. Then against it could mean 'your conceited self' but if you driven by your ego and don't care to be conceited who's to judge you? God? Pft.... Do whatever action you want to allow it spread it's wings. Believe me it would keep you more sane than those that try to suppress it. Nothing wrong with being prideful no? If you have something to be proud of that is. As for arrogance, hmmm... why should you care what others think of you. If you want to be arrogant then go for it.
What you're talking about is what I would call "honor" rather than pride. Honor is a very destructive emotion that has been the cause of many of humanity's greatest disasters. Pride is personal. If you do something well you are proud of yourself. It doesn't matter whether anyone else even knows about it. You can be motivated to succeed or improve by your own pride, without anyone else's involvement. But honor is transactional. If someone does better than you, and you can't be content with the fact that you did well anyway, then it's your honor that's taking over. If you did your best you should not feel that you have anything to be ashamed of, just because you were unlucky and ran into somebody who could do it better. If on the contrary you didn't really do that well, but you beat the other guy anyway, and you feel good about it, that's your honor speaking rather than your pride. You didn't do anything to be proud of, you were just lucky. This is one of my biggest problems with the Abrahamic religions. They insist that pride is a sin but honor is a good thing. And you can see what havoc that ass-backward philosophy has caused us.
The way someone reacts to competition has a lot to do with their values and where their prioritization and application. Some people perceive and strive for accomplishment soley for personal aggrandizement will naturally feel begrudging even if they lost to a better competitor. If you care more about what it is you are striving for or perfection, then you would admire or want to learn from an honestly better competitor. If someone is trying to beat you persay then of course it would boil down to feelings of either inferior or superior which I disagree with. Even if you are good at something, it's naturally healthy to feel pride in what you've accomplished especially if it makes you a better person, makes you better at what you are doing or anything beneficial but there is a difference between being happy you are good at something and wish others to perfect it or raise the bar for the value of it's own sake and falsely 'owning' or 'monopolizing' it just for the sake of arrogance toward others and cutting them down. That type of pride IS false pride because no one is inherently better with accomplishments, you strive to match the standard not the other way around. If you pay attention to people, you will notice the bullies and bigots with false pride. No one likes that and it's not appropriate or healthy at all and just incites a similar reaction in others, fighting fire with fire because in that context the other deserves to be brought down a peg. On the other hand, there are people who will drag others down instead of raising thier own standards (because it's not about the excellence but just about them-the value difference) and can't handle the better or higher standards of others simply due to "empty" pride and "ego" which is unjustified. Need to distance self from the picture to get a truer perspective. I've noticed two types of attitudes when it comes to pride and ego. Those with false pride use accomplishments cheaply and falsely. They actually have 0 respect for it. They tend to have a cheating mentality because their sole purpose and intent is to 'beat' the other simply for ego's sake not for the sake of becoming excellent themselves. They are sore losers when they honestly lose and don't care at all, respect or want to learn the skills of whatever it takes to raise the bar of whatever it is they are striving for. Underneath they are weak but the most bullyish outwardly. Those with true pride or "honor" like to compete with someone who will better them because it challenges them to actually accomplish "something" not thier "pride". Get it? the pride and ego is not the prize or the goal. It's an aftermath of healthy self-esteem for all the right reasons. I rarely think pride and ego usually are that healthy I've seen in real context, more self-esteem through constructive accomplishment. Tiger Woods doesn't tee off thinking he will play as good as his ego. He striving to better his own game and standards, "HUMILITY", not pride. It is true that pride is pretty much a useless emotion (it's like a fart) and is only useful for followers, cheaters and not true leaders. That's because you've got to get past yourself and your own limitations to actually better a real accomplishment because you value it. It's been mentioned before that even after a win, he is the first one on the tee the next morning, improving on his game. You need to have something more of substance than just your pride and ego to drive you for that type of dedication.
