Don't Give a Cow, Man!!!! Cow Politics........!!!!!

Discussion in 'Politics' started by TruthSeeker, Nov 21, 2005.

  1. TruthSeeker Fancy Virtual Reality Monkey Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    15,162
    From a friend........

    Lesson In Political Science :


    DEMOCRATIC
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    You feel guilty for being successful.
    Barbara Streisand sings for you.

    REPUBLICANISM
    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has none.
    So?

    SOCIALIST
    You have two cows.
    The government takes one and gives it to your neighbor.
    You form a cooperative to tell him how to manage his cow.

    COMMUNIST
    You have two cows.
    The government seizes both and provides you with milk.
    You wait in line for hours to get it.
    It is expensive and sour.

    CAPITALISM, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, buy a bull, and build a herd of cows.

    BUREAUCRACY, AMERICAN STYLE
    You have two cows.
    Under the new farm program the government pays you to shoot
    one, milk the other, and then pours the milk down the drain.

    AMERICAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You sell one, lease it back to yourself and do an IPO on
    the 2nd one.
    You force the two cows to produce the milk of four cows.
    You are surprised when one cow drops dead. You spin an
    announcement to the analysts stating you have downsized
    and are reducing expenses.
    Your stock goes up.

    FRENCH CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You go on strike because you want three cows.
    You go to lunch and drink wine.
    Life is good.

    JAPANESE CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You redesign them so they are one-tenth the size of an
    ordinary cow and produce twenty times the milk.
    They learn to travel on unbelievably crowded trains.
    Most are at the top of their class at cow school.

    GERMAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You engineer them so they are all blond, drink lots of
    beer, give excellent quality milk, and run a hundred
    miles an hour.
    Unfortunately they also demand 13 weeks of vacation per
    year.

    ITALIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows but you don't know where they are.
    While ambling around, you see a beautiful woman.
    You break for lunch.
    Life is good.

    RUSSIAN CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    You have some vodka.
    You count them and learn you have five cows.
    You have some more vodka.
    You count them again and learn you have 42 cows.
    The Mafia shows up and takes over however many cows you
    really have.

    TALIBAN CORPORATION
    You have all the cows in Afghanistan, which are two.
    You don't milk them because you cannot touch any creature's
    private parts.
    You get a $40 million grant from the US government to find
    alternatives to milk production but use the money to buy
    weapons.

    IRAQI CORPORATION
    You have two cows.
    They go into hiding.
    They send radio tapes of their mooing.

    POLISH CORPORATION
    You have two bulls.
    Employees are regularly maimed and killed attempting to
    milk them.

    BELGIAN CORPORATION
    You have one cow.
    The cow is schizophrenic.
    Sometimes the cow thinks he's French, other times he's
    Flemish.
    The Flemish cow won't share with the French cow.
    The French cow wants control of the Flemish cow's milk.
    The cow asks permission to be cut in half.
    The cow dies happy.

    FLORIDA CORPORATION
    You have a black cow and a brown cow.
    Everyone votes for the best looking one.
    Some of the people who actually like the brown one best
    accidentally vote for the black one.
    Some people vote for both.
    Some people vote for neither.
    Some people can't figure out how to vote at all.
    Finally, a bunch of guys from out of state tell you which
    one you think is the best-looking cow.

    CALIFORNIA CORPORATION
    You have millions of cows.
    They make real California cheese.
    Only five speak English.
    Most are illegals.
    Arnold likes the ones with the big udders.


    Yaba Daba! :m:
     
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  3. SoyArtista Registered Member

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  5. Communist Hamster Cricetulus griseus leninus Valued Senior Member

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    3,023
    Ah yes, the ever famous "two cows" jokes. Good stuff.
     
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  7. mountainhare Banned Banned

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    3,287
    HAHAHAHAHAH.... I don't get it

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  8. Communist Hamster Cricetulus griseus leninus Valued Senior Member

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    3,023
    The cows represent money, possesions or habits in societies, businesses, political models or cultures.
     
  9. tablariddim forexU2 Valued Senior Member

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    4,795
    Laugh; I did.
     
  10. Hapsburg Hellenistic polytheist Valued Senior Member

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    5,200
    I thought they represented cows.

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  11. top mosker Ariloulaleelay Registered Senior Member

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    458
    Anyone care to take a stab at the anarchist cow?
     
  12. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Messages:
    36,772
    Anarchism:

    You have a duck ....
     
  13. Hapsburg Hellenistic polytheist Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    5,200
    Anarchy:
    You have a cow. Shoot anyone who tries to take your cow, and eat them and thier cow because there are no laws to stop you from doing so.
     
  14. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Messages:
    36,772
    That's pretty simplistic, Hapsburg. In fact, perhaps you should understand what Anarchy and Anarchism are in the political contexts.

    I might as well protest the capitalist version as inaccurate, replacing it as follows:

    Capitalism, American style:

    You have two cows,
    Your neighbor has a bull.
    You lie to the UN and tell them the bull is a terrorist.
    You invade your neighbor, steal his bull, build a herd of cattle.
    You kill anyone who thinks you're going about it wrong.

    And even that's too sophisticated:

    Capitalism, American style:

    You have two cows,
    Your neighbor has a bull.
    You kill your neighbor,
    Steal the bull,
    Then sue to seize the property from your neighbor's children.

    Or we could just do it ...

    American style:

    You have two cows.
    Your neighbor has a bull.
    You f@ck the cows, decide it is unsatisfactory.
    You kill your neighbor, rape his daughter, sell the cows, invest in Microsoft, sue the daughter for slander when she files charges. Since you now own all the cows, you run the little bitch into bankruptcy, rape her again, then sue her again for not saying "Thank you."

    Damn it, Hapsburg: no matter how hard I try, I can't be as stupid as your Anarchy post.

    Ummm ...
     
  15. Hapsburg Hellenistic polytheist Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    5,200
    Well, of course it's simplistic, ANARCHY IS SIMPLISTIC, and stupid, for that matter, so of course I'm going to be mocking it.
     
  16. mountainhare Banned Banned

    Messages:
    3,287
    Communist:
    I know. But I don't understand what they are saying about Poland?

    Are they saying that Poland has no assets? Is this some sort of jest about coal mining?
     
  17. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Staff Member

    Messages:
    36,772
    Fair 'nuff, but I will go so far as to challenge one part: Anarchists themselves are simplistic in this modern era. Anarchy as a simple word is simplistic. Anarchism as a social structure, however, is much more complex than we tend to imagine.

    I am, of course, still pleading nicotine fits. It will be a few days, at least.
     
  18. Communist Hamster Cricetulus griseus leninus Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,023
    Perhaps. Maybe it's attacking Health and Safety regs in Poland.
     
  19. Darkman Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    87
    In what way? It seems to me that under communism everyone gets a cow.
     
  20. Clockwood You Forgot Poland Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,467
    Nah. Under communism, the government owns all the cows. They may give you the honor of taking care of the cows and doing all the hard work and in exchange they may give you a daily ration of milk.
     
  21. Spectrum Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    459
    What government? The ideology of Marx's communism should lead to the abolishment of government because all inequity has been destroyed.
     
  22. Mahaintex Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    36

    i thought it was just a polock joke :bugeye:
     
  23. Baron Max Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,053
    Huh? No government? Where did you get that idea?

    You should read up more on communist theory ...it is NOT based on the ideal of equality. How you got that idea is beyond me ...please explain.

    Baron Max
     

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