Do we lose something?

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Cactus Jack, Oct 12, 2003.

  1. Cactus Jack Death Knight of Northrend Registered Senior Member

    Hi, its me, I used to be a regular pretty much and now I was sitting here at my computer, bored and confused and I decided to surf the archives for.... well... what kind of person I used to be.

    I was looking through all the things I said and what I felt and who I was and funny, enough, I started missing that person, even though in a lot of ways I'm better of now.

    Well, let me try and catch you guys up (assuming you know basic knowledge of me from my former posts) The incredibly strong feelings that I had for this one particular girl died away and in its place was the belief that love was just a natural mental and physical function, something that I quite possible would never again experience or at least have another person love me.

    Then I stopped looking for a relationship, I didn't need one and I was confident in myself and I lived life in the moment - for me. And sure enough, shortly after this epiphany I was in my first relationship.

    And bouncing around through five others through the course of half a school year I finally found the one thing I had stopped looking for: love. And it was just as good as I imagined it would be, and I was finally validated by the person I valued most above all others. Even though my emotions weren't as stong as they had been for the one who never loved me, it didn't matter, because I am a different person, and my emotions are far more real.

    Recently her and I almost broke up and yeah, that really put me through probably the roughest times emotionaly I've ever had but once things were settled I realised that I didn't need love as much as I always had dreamed I did, and even though I still have it now if it ends... it ends and I will be fine.

    So now I am fine, perfectly fine. I am no longer in a constant haze of self hatred, don't blow up on those around me, (despite what one thread said I;d never say) I've gotten laid twice, I have I girlfriend that I love that loves me, talents and ability, a direction, and don't have strong emotions for those that could never feel the same way and don't believe that everything lasts forever. I'm fine.

    However, i still look back at the way I was and miss it. I mean, I feel as if things have just worked themselves out to well and feel out of place being normal. Its as if I'm sad that I've been jaded. If I'm sad that I'm ok.

    And now, after that long prelude: The Question:

    Is it truely better to be jaded by emotional events in one's life to the point where the can carry on a happy, fufilling existance or is it better to remain with your intense emotions intact, believing in fanciful ideals, always longing for what you can never have in a depp poetic fashion, and (as someone else may argue) Truely Feeling?

    I don't know, I just felt while looking around I should give a kind of update post for those that new me when I was a regular here... Whatever

    P.S. If you guys still frequent here, hi Xev, and hi Tyler and thanks.

    PEace ~ Cactus
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  3. lixluke Refined Reinvention Valued Senior Member

    You seem to think that moving on is better because you will eventually find what you are looking for.
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  5. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Remember that you can't change the past, only the future and that you can't always get what you want but sometimes you get what you need. Good luck in whatever comes your way.
    Last edited: Oct 12, 2003
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  7. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

    I'm sorry man, I wouldn't know. You're ahead of me in this regard. I'm fairly certain I'll find out sooner or later, but until then, my opinion is moot.

    edit: oh yeah, welcome back. Thinking of sticking around this time? Xev and Tyler are still around.
  8. Teri Curious Registered Senior Member

    Cactus Jack

    Wait a few more years and you'll be another version of you; this is what I've found has happened to me through the years.

    We learn from all the good things and all the bad things that happen to us over the years. Your post prompted me to reflect back on the many different stages I've gone through in the last couple of years.

    Cherish the good and learn from the bad. The thing is, that you'll never really know how your life will turn out, no matter how much you think you've got things worked out. I've seen this happen to friends so many times that I don't believe in having any expectations of how my life will turn out.

    I may be missing the point of your thread but in any case welcome back and stick around for a while; from what you said these forums are almost like a life journal or diary that you can look back on.


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  9. whitewolf asleep under the juniper bush Registered Senior Member

    I have noticed that people undergo a full personality change annualy. With that, their perceptions of the same things change to such a degree as the same old thing looks new each time.

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