Denial of evolution II

Discussion in 'Biology & Genetics' started by Hercules Rockefeller, Mar 9, 2009.

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  1. Hercules Rockefeller Beatings will continue until morale improves. Moderator

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    As per the original Denial of Evolution thread, this second instalment is also a quarantine area for threads that regurgipost all the usual creationist/evolution denialism stuff, such as:

    -- scientists know that evolution is wrong, but are hiding that fact in order to retain their power;
    -- evolution is just a theory;
    -- Darwin recanted on his deathbed;
    -- no one has seen a bacterium evolve into a fish;
    -- there are no transitional fossils;
    -- speciation has never been seen;
    -- okay, speciation has been seen, but the creation of new Genuses has not;

    ....and everything else which is summarily smacked down by everyone who passed high school biology.


    But we’ll open with some satire that deals with many of the typical evolution denial attempts....
     
    Last edited: Mar 24, 2009
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  3. James R Just this guy, you know? Staff Member

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    50 reasons why I reject evolution

    Source: http://naturalinquiry.blogspot.com/

    50 Reasons I Reject Evolution

    1. Because I don't like the idea that we came from apes despite that humans are categorically defined and classified as apes.

    2. Because I'm too **** and/or lazy to open a **** book or turn on the Discovery Science Channel.

    3. Because if I can't immediately understand how something works, then it must be bullshit.

    4. Because I don't care that literally 99.9% of all biologists accept evolution as the unifying theory of biology.

    5. Because I prefer the idea that a (insert god of choice) went ALLA-KADABRA-ZAM MOTHAH-FUCKAHS!!!

    6. Because I can't get it through my thick logic-proof skull that evolution refers ONLY to the process of speciation, not to abiogenesis, or planet formation, or big bang cosmology, or whether God exists, or where they buried Jimmy Hoffa, or why the sky is blue, or how many licks it takes to get to the center of a **** Tootsie Pop.

    7. Because the fossil record doesn't comprise the remains of every single living thing that ever existed on this 4.5 billion year old planet, even though fossilization is a rare process that only occurs under very specific circumstances.

    8. Because science has yet to produce any transitional species except for the magnitudinous numbers of them found in the fossil record, which don't count because I uh, OOH LOOK! A SHINY OBJECT!!! *runs away*

    9. Because I know nothing about Darwin except that he had a funny beard.

    10. Because the theory of evolution (which, according to scientists, perfectly explains the richness and diversity of life on Earth) contradicts biblical literalism ya know, flat Earth with a firmament that keeps out the water, talking snakes, people rising from the dead, bats are birds, flamey talking bushes, virgin births, food appearing out of nowhere, massive bodies of water turning into blood etc etc.

    11. Because I think the word theory actually means "random stabs in the dark", when it really means "an explanation of certain phenomena that is well-supported by a large body of facts and often unifies similarly well-supported hypotheses" i.e. atomic theory, gravitational theory, germ theory, cell theory, some-people-are-just-dumb theory, etc.

    12. Because the fact that science is self-correcting annoys me. Most of my other beliefs are rigidly fixed and uncorrectable.

    13. Because I am under the severely mistaken impression that evolution implies someone in my very recent ancestry was a chimp.

    14. Because everything appears designed to my mind which was expertly tuned by nature to perceive design, probably as a survival mechanism.

    15. Because some secretly fabulous closet-dwelling televangelist (who without any sense of irony also preaches hate towards gay people) told me that evolution is Satan's way of leading me away from God.

    16. Because that same guy (who was also caught snorting blow off a male hooker's shiny naked ass) told me that God planted those fossils to test my faith.

    17. Because I'm 100% correct about everything 100% of the time and there is 0% chance that some snooty Oxford educated scientist with numerous honorary doctorates could possibly know something that I don't.

    18. Because I don't know that fossils are found in sedimentary strata corresponding to their age as one would expect if evolution were true.

    19. Because I don't understand why, if we share common ancestry with chimps, there are still chimps. And when someone with more than three brain cells in their head inevitably replies: for the same reason Americans share common ancestry with Brits but there are still Brits, I can't follow the logic. Its just too big a leap. Who am I, Evil Knievel?

    20. Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

    21. Multiple times.

    22. On purpose.

    23. Because the idea that life evolved naturally over billions of years is infinitely less believable than the idea that an 800 year old man crammed two of every species into a giant wooden boat when the entire planet flooded, an event for which there is absolutely no geological evidence whatsoever and also makes no **** sense at all.

    24. Because Jesus totally rode around on a **** t-rex. He's just that badassed. And also, did you know that t-rexes were vegetarians? Ken Ham says so and I believe it.

    25. Because I don't realize that saying microevolution is possible but macroevolution isn't is as **** as saying I can pick my nose for one second but I cannot pick it for 10 seconds.

    26. Because the education system failed me miserably.

    27. ... and then took a big wet dump on my face.

    28. Because I think that knowing how nature works magically obliterates all of its beauty.

    29. Because I didn't know that evolution has been tested and observed in laboratories.

    30. Because when confronted with that, I refuse to believe it. Its obviously a scientific conspiracy aimed at turning everyone on the planet into atheists... even though evolution says nothing about god's nature nor whether he, she, it, or they exist.

    31. Because I'm too **** to realize that Social Darwinism has nothing to do with evolution and is actually a pseudo-scientific bastardization that real science largely rejects.

    32. Because the planet and all the life on it was designed for humans kinda like how the Metropolitan Museum of Art in NY was designed specifically for the dust-bunnies that may accumulate on the floors.

    33. Because I don't realize that if we actually found croco-ducks in the fossil record, it would falsify evolution.

    34. Because plenty of respectable people like Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee (who are not scientists) don't accept evolution, and that somehow validates my opinion.

    35. Because my mother didn't know not to drink while she was pregnant. She also didn't know not to repeatedly throw herself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to undo the accident of screwing someone who voted for Bush both times.

    36. Because I don't know that irreducible complexity has been debunked a frazillion times by a frazillion different people and is no more credible an argument than NEEN-er NEEN-er NEEN-er, I'm right and you're wrong.

    37. Because I have never seen a duck evolve into a cat over night, despite the fact that such a thing would be contrary to all known scientific disciplines.

    38. Because I have no imagination, learning is too much effort, I don't like proven facts, change scares me, and I think deoxyribonucleic acid is something I'm supposed to clean my bathroom floors with.

    39. Because evolution means that I absolutely MUST reject everything else I know, abandon all my beliefs, and start aping around my house like a **** monkey. OOOh-ooohh-ooohohh -OOOOOOHHHHHH!!!!!

    40. Because I haven't put my cave on the market and moved into the 21st century yet. I'm waiting for the cave market to rebound from the recent financial meltdown.

    41. Because I don't know what an atavism is and if you told me, I still wouldn't believe it. Too weird.

    42. Because I don't know that evolution explains methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and also provides the answer in preventing it from turning into a superbug and killing massive numbers of people.

    43. Because I don't know that evolution is routinely used in medicine to diagnose and treat certain illnesses such as genetic ailments, bacterial infections, and viral infections.

    44. Because I believe there is a strong comparison between designed inanimate objects such as buildings, paintings, and watches (which we know were pieced together from identifiable components by human beings) and living organisms (which reproduce with genetic variation under the effects of environmental attrition).

    45. Because I see no significant similarities between humans and apes. *scratches ass-crack then smells fingers*

    46. Because I think I'm too special to have been crafted by any natural process and the entire planet, solar system, galaxy, and universe were created with me especially in mind.

    47. Because I unquestioningly swallow the ignorant anti-science bullshit spewed directly from the fraudulent **** asses of people like Ken Ham, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, and Kent Hovind.

    48. Because I'm a freethinker and freethinking really means ignoring anything that contradicts what I already believe.

    49. Because I don't know what confirmation bias is.

    50. Because despite the fact that in all my years of life, I have never seen any magic, I still believe magic is the answer to everything I don't immediately comprehend.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Quod erat demonstrandum, I **** win. Take that you EVILutionists!

    (On a serious note, to deny evolution is to deny a direct observation, it's like denying the sky is blue while refusing to look up)
     
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  5. PieAreSquared Woo is resistant to reason Registered Senior Member

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  7. mikenostic Stop pretending you're smart! Registered Senior Member

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    I'm going to go show this to my bible thumping mom and aunts. Haha.
     
  8. (Q) Encephaloid Martini Valued Senior Member

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    Well done.
     
  9. iceaura Valued Senior Member

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    PR tip: It might be more effective with the counter-arguments edited out.

    There's another way to slant that, which intrigues me.

    Keep it simple.

    e.g.: #11) Because I think "theory" means "random stabs in the dark".

    full stop.

    edit in: not more effective as intended, but interesting or useful in a different way.

    Hell, it might be worth it - here's a beginning of a rewrite for the different slant (#35 and a couple others not changed correctly)

    50 Reasons I Reject Evolution

    1. Because I don't like the idea that we came from apes.

    2. Because books about science and things like the Discovery Science Channel are propaganda.

    3. Because if I don't understand how something works, then it's probably bullshit.

    4. Because 99.9% of all biologists accepting evolution as the unifying theory of biology just means colleges are liberal biased.

    5. Because (insert god of choice) went ALLA-KADABRA-ZAM.

    6. Because evolution means not just a process of speciation, but also abiogenesis, planet formation, big bang cosmology, whether God exists, where they buried Jimmy Hoffa, why the sky is blue, and how many licks it takes to get to the center of a Tootsie Pop, and that's too much.

    7. Because the fossil record doesn't comprise the remains of every living thing that ever existed.

    8. Because science has yet to produce any transitional species except for those in the fossil record, which don't count.

    9. Because Darwin had a funny beard, was racist, and converted to God on his deathbed.

    10. Because the theory of evolution contradicts biblical literalism.

    11. Because the word "theory" actually means "random stabs in the dark".

    12. Because science changes, and beliefs should be rigidly fixed and uncorrectable.

    13. Because evolution says someone in my very recent ancestry was a chimp.

    14. Because everything appears designed.

    15. Because some secretly fabulous closet-dwelling televangelist said that evolution is Satan's way of leading me away from God.

    16. Because that same guy (who was also caught snorting blow off a male hooker's shiny naked ass) said that God planted fossils to test my faith.

    17. Because what snooty Oxford educated scientists say is a scam.

    18. Because fossils are not found in sedimentary strata corresponding to their age as one would expect if evolution were true.

    19. Because it makes no sense that, if we share common ancestry with chimps, there could still be chimps.

    20. Because my mom dropped me on my head when I was a baby.

    21. Multiple times.

    22. On purpose.

    23. Because the idea that life evolved naturally over billions of years is infinitely less believable than the idea that an 800 year old man crammed two of every species into a giant wooden boat when the entire planet flooded.

    24. Because Jesus totally rode around on a **** t-rex. He's just that badassed. And t-rexes were vegetarians.

    25. Because microevolution is possible but macroevolution isn't, just like I can pick my nose for ten seconds but I cannot pick it for 10 minutes.

    26. Because the education system failed me miserably.

    27. But my church saved me.

    28. Because knowing how nature works magically obliterates all of its beauty.

    29. Because evolution has never been tested and observed in laboratories.

    30. Because people who say that it has have an agenda.

    31. Because Social Darwinism inevitably comes from evolution.

    32. Because the planet and all the life on it was designed for humans.

    33. Because evolution requires croco-ducks in the fossil record.

    34. Because plenty of respectable people like Ron Paul, Mitt Romney, and Mike Huckabee don't accept evolution.

    35. Because my mother didn't know not to drink while she was pregnant. She also didn't know not to repeatedly throw herself down a flight of stairs in an attempt to undo the accident of screwing someone who voted for Bush both times.

    36. Because irreducible complexity has never been debunked.

    37. Because I have never seen a duck evolve into a cat.

    38. Because I have no imagination, learning is too much effort, I don't like facts, change scares me, and I think deoxyribonucleic acid is something I'm supposed to clean my bathroom floors with.

    39. Because evolution means that I must reject everything else I know, and abandon all my beliefs.

    40. Because I haven't put my cave on the market and moved into the 21st century yet. I'm waiting for the cave market to rebound from the recent financial meltdown.

    41. Because I don't know what an atavism is and if you told me, I still wouldn't believe it. Too weird.

    42. Because only microevolution explains methicillin-resistant Staphylococcus aureus and also provides the answer in preventing it from turning into a superbug and killing massive numbers of people.

    43. Because only microevolution is routinely used in medicine to diagnose and treat certain illnesses.

    44. Because I believe there is a strong comparison between designed inanimate objects such as buildings, paintings, and watches, and living organisms.

    45. Because I see no significant similarities between humans and apes.

    46. Because I think I'm too special to have been crafted by any natural process and the entire planet, solar system, galaxy, and universe were created with me especially in mind.

    47. Because I unquestioningly swallow anything from people like Ken Ham, Ted Haggard, Fred Phelps, and Kent Hovind.

    48. Because I'm a freethinker and freethinking means ignoring anything that contradicts what I already believe.

    49. Because confirmation bias only afflicts those in the wrong.

    50. Because magic is the answer to everything I don't comprehend.

    Ladies and gentlemen, I rest my case. Quod erata demonstrandum, I **** win. Take that you EVILutionists!
     
    Last edited: Mar 14, 2009
  10. James R Just this guy, you know? Staff Member

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    In case there's some confusion, I am not the author.
     
  11. Anti-Flag Pun intended Registered Senior Member

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    Evolution is like, soooo obvious ya know? 'Cause we all know KFC sell buffalo wings, and we all know buffalo's don't have wings anymore right? So it totally proves evolution happens, duh!
     
  12. GeoffP Caput gerat lupinum Valued Senior Member

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    Funny site. But to be honest, there's no point getting angry about it. No matter what evidence you've got, some people are not going to believe it anyway. That's the way of people; because of a multiplicity of behavioural characters, eigenvalues and environmental backgrounds, the among-person variance in any such meme (i.e. a non-practical one) is going to be huge. Fully half the population is just not going to believe it.

    It's sad. Yes. But that's the way it is. I've come to accept it, after a fashion. Doesn't mean you shouldn't try to explain it, or open up people's minds (I hesitate to say they were necessarily "dropped on their heads"), but don't expect everyone or even a bloody majority to follow suit. It just won't happen.

    Welcome to the new millenium, same as the old millenium, except now we have Twitter and MTV.
     
  13. StrangerInAStrangeLand SubQuantum Mechanic Valued Senior Member

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    After I questioned a theist about some obvious changes, he said "That's not evolution. That's genes."
     
  14. EntropyAlwaysWins TANSTAAFL. Registered Senior Member

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    Wow....that made my day, thanks James.
    I laughed especially hard at #20-22.
     
  15. Mr. Hamtastic whackawhackado! Registered Senior Member

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    Wanderer is so busy with the philosophy sites, though...
     
  16. Mr. Hamtastic whackawhackado! Registered Senior Member

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    You just need to be fair about it. The idea that evolution over millions of years can be "proven" is pretty silly too, dontcha think? The theory hasn't been around long enough to see something evolve. Then again, there are no witnesses to creation either. I say they are both fairy tales.

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  17. (Q) Encephaloid Martini Valued Senior Member

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    Still haven't figured out what evolution is all about, yet? Try reading a book about it so you can make a non-asshat comment.
     
  18. Mr. Hamtastic whackawhackado! Registered Senior Member

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    I will if you will, Q. Wait. You're saying adaptation=evolution, right? So if I adapt to the local climate, I have evolved, right? Sorry, that's just what I got from biology. If you have a competent explanation that is better, do share.
     
  19. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    Wrong. You really need to read that book. You are confusing changes in the individual's behaviour or physical character, with changes to the genetic make up of a population.

    Is it an illness that prevents you from thinking?
     
  20. Mr. Hamtastic whackawhackado! Registered Senior Member

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    Nah. I like tweaking noses too much is the main problem. Evolution is as dry reading as an accounting manual to me, honestly. So. To my point. Somebody see evolution in action that wasn't just mutation or something? What I have read seems good, but I haven't seen that it's been witnessed. Do I need a different book?

    :shrug:


    Mod note: "Nah. I like tweaking noses too much is the main problem." Translation: "I like trolling." No trolling, please.
     
    Last edited by a moderator: Mar 20, 2009
  21. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    "O went to concert last night, but the only thing they had on was a bunch of grown men and women playing musical instruments in harmony."
    No, you need a different brain.
     
  22. Mr. Hamtastic whackawhackado! Registered Senior Member

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    Let me understand, great ophi... You take the existence of human intelligence as evidence of evolution?

    Should I take the existence of cat litter boxes as evidence that cats are their humans' masters? Humans do have the cat poo duty after all.

    Seems my brain is different already, thanks though.

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  23. Ophiolite Valued Senior Member

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    No.
     
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