Okay folks, this is it, this is the place to find out all you ever wanted to know about the opposite sex! Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus. Questions will be asked and answered, opinions will be given and statements will be made. Bring 'em on! Dear Abby, My first question to the men-folk - After all those years of women's liberation have the men decided that women don't need to be fussed over anymore? I usually fall straight in love with the guy who gives me his seat on a train, or holds a door open for me to go through first. I miss galant men. Have we lost the things dear to us by trying to get paid the same amount for doing the same job? That's what I think the women's lib was all about. We may not be as physically capable of doing things but intellectually we wanted to be treated equally. Somewhere along the way, the good manners thing got screwed up. I suspect I'll probably get beat up over asking this question - you know, "the women asked for it, now they have to live with it" type stuff. But are there any of you out there who like to do the gentlemanly thing still? I eagerly await your replies. Cheers Teri Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
As for me... The problem (in my humble opinion) is when people go to extremes with this issue. But at the same time I believe everyone is free to have their own opinions. If you want to be treated as an equal and that means to you not having a man open the door for you just because you are a woman then that's fine for you and you should look for a man who feels the same way. If you want to be treated the way our grandmother's were when chilvalry was more "popular", then by all means, find a man that will give you that. I fall in the "in betweens" and have trouble understanding what all the fuss is about. What's so bad about having your cake and eating it too so long as you share it with the person you are with? If a guy won't be gentlemanly and also allow me to explore my potential in male-dominated fields then he isn't the kind of man I want. I'm not a feminist but I'm not a doormat either. I enjoy talking with men about important issues and also enjoy feeling protected by them (but not to the point of suffocation). That's just me, I can't speak for the rest of the women out there. I know women who don't like it when a man opens the door for them but I'm not one of 'em. Call me old-fashioned but in a more modern way. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I can also play the "traditional" role (you could say) without feeling that it inhibits my other talents or belittles my existence. Does that make any sense? I feel that things can only inhibit you or make you feel inferior when you let them. I don't feel that I have to do certain things for a man just because I'm a woman and that's what I'm SUPPOSED to do...I do things for my man because I WANT TO and it makes me feel good to do something nice for someone I love and appreciate. The same goes for him, he doesn't do things because I'm a woman and he HAS to act a certain way with me....that would make him "fake." He does things for me because he knows I appreciate them and wants to make me happy (and fellas, when your woman is happy everything else falls in place, don't it? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! hehe! I'm joking of course!). My relationship isn't perfect but it's working itself out beautifully with communication. We act as a team and as friends who want the best for eachother. He cooks when I don't feel like it and he does, I cook when I feel like it and he doesn't and we order take-out or go out to dinner when both of us don't feel like it or hell, compromise and split tasks if we both want or don't want to cook and can't afford to go out to eat. We both clean-up and do laundry and both play the drums (male-dominated instrument) and hold steady jobs with equal income. Compromise, what a concept! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I guess PART of the trick is to find someone who views their role like you view their role and vice-versa. In my opinion, having it both ways just makes life easier for both women and men. You can't have discrimination against women and you can't have reverse-discrimination against men. If couples just treated eachother like team-mates instead of opposing team players, I think more would get done. But that's just what I think. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
I think Ana summed it all up, I really agree with her. Most of the time I do hold doors for girls, but with me it just feels...awkward, they smile and whisper and thank you and it feels nice but just awkward. If a girl ask like an extreme feminist and pushes me out of the way or something I'd leave her alone, but I bet if any of you ladies out there just didn't like it when men held the door for you then asking nicely to stop would be fine or just walking behind them when it comes to doors. It's hard to be a gentlemen around a feminist and really disconcerting if you feel like you've done something wrong. Now for my questions: -(I won't make a generalization) Why do some women like assholes or very unnattractive, stupid, lazy completely worthless men? I live in Maine and these guys come a dime a dozen. -(This is racy and in my opinion a stupid question so I guess I'm just curious) Why do some women like being 'fondled' in public? I saw just a few hours ago a kid my age grab a girl my age's boob, she just laughed and jumped away while I pretended I didn't see. The girl is kind of a slut (It's her reputation) but it really isn't a good idea to do ANYTHING like that to someone you aren't going steady with, right? Tell me the truth here: Do you ladies like being fondled by men who you're not...intimate with? I think that's it for now. I hope I didn't make you gasp and smash your computer when you read my second question (anyone)!
Wow... The intergender situation in Maine seems neanderthal...Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! The women who are drawn to the kind of men you described are either the same way themselves or suffer from very low self esteem. Or maybe other kinds of men aren´t to find in Maine??? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! About holding doors, I always hold up the door to the person that walks behind me, so that they will not get it slapped in the face or something, and I appreciate when others do the same thing back. But if anybody, even my personal psyk-yogi, fondled my boobs in public, they would get smacked!!! What kind of animal behaviour is that? But I remember when I was 14 and bicycled home from a friend and a classmate came up beside me on his moped and just grabbed my boobs and laughed. I was shocked!!! Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! So I guess it´s just something teenage boys do for some strange hormonal reason...without thinking obviously. And the girl that is the target to this insanity is probably too shocked to think clearly herself, and may or may not laugh. I didn´t. I yelled in rage... Team mates? Yes, that is good. ...but I would like that men ...would become more like...slaves...to women...Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
WELL, SOME being the operative word Shrike: If we are going to view this as a social-norm kinda thing then we'll have to say that in this country, the above situations aren't completely "normal" in truly healthy relationships. Healthy relationships aren't composed of PERFECT people....but somewhat psychologically and emotionally healthy and stable people. But maybe I'm complicating things too much. SOME women are attracted to "bad boys" because one or a combination of the following (in no particular order and most likely not all of the reasons will be listed---add if you want): 1) They want to play mommy and feel the need to take care of a reckless man in order to feel needed 2) They get a rush out of being in a dangerous situation 3) They see "potential" in these men and feel that if they can CHANGE them for the "better" then it makes them very special women (above the rest who weren't able to change them) *note: for men it would be falling in love with a bitch--makes you feel special they would pick you to be their lover when they have such "high" (possibly unrealistic) standards in their men. 4) They have low self-esteem and subconciously don't feel worthy of anyone who isn't going to mistreat them (sort of like speaking one's belief about oneself and how they should be treated into existence, eh?) 5) Their parents might have had a similar relationship and they are falling into that pattern 6) They are addicted to the relationship's extreme dynamics.....make love, fight furiously, make up by making love furiously-->pleasure (pleasure association with bad relationships) 7) Hell, I dunno. Question #2 SOME women like being fondled (maybe not in THAT extreme form) in public because they feel that it shows the rest of the world that they are wanted and therefore desirable. Some women just simply don't mind kissing in front of others...they are just showing affection and feel comfortable enough with it to show their love in public (I'm not talking about having sex!) and don't care what others think. This young "lady" you mentioned seems like she could either be trying to fit in and be popular with the boys (she is trying to get validation from boys---and the attention she is getting from them is doing that). She could also seem to be laughing when she's really embarrased and doesn't know how else to express it---doesn't want to be seen as a "prude"--who knows. Maybe she's got family problems and was abused by someone at an early age. Maybe she's a slut. I don't know...ask her. Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Chivalry is not dead some guy's are just arseholes, that or there afraid of a femenist going off at them. Me, i'll hold the door for a girl, even if it appears obvious thats what i'm doing, if they have a problem with it,(and they never do) I wouldn't give too stuffs cause I think their being stupid, its like "thats fine lady, next time I'll slam it in your face you unappreciative bitch"Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! (well probably not)Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! What I find more difficult is when i'm on the train and I have a seat and an old man or lady is standing, some are quite happy to be offered a seat while others, particulary men will be offended. Ana, what you said is what I feel are the essences to a good long lasting relationship, even the drumsPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! My girlfriend is in no way musically inclined whereas everything in my life revolves around music, so while i'm sitting there either tapping out the beats to a song on whatever part of her body is closest she'll actually pay attention to what i'm doing and be held in ore cause I never fall out of time, its the coolest thingPlease Register or Log in to view the hidden image! every other girlfriend i've had has just asked me to stop cause its annoying.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Shrike, I've felt the same way you do before, especially when i was still in school, all the attractive girls went for the arseholes. What you need to realise is that these guy's are only arseholes to you and me cause where competition, I bet these same guy's when alone with their girlfriends are just as nice as you and me would be, of course there are the few cases where the guy really is just a arsehole. Ana couldn't have givin any better a reason for why these girls go out with arseholes I think she summed them all up perfectly.
[Enter Biggles, Stage right, to swooning of female audience] OK, quick question. I've always been one for the ladies.... ie: I'm very fond of them. I always open doors, give up seats etc. The other day I met an ultra-feminist who was offended when I referred to her and her lesbian friend as a couple of ladies. Now, she was not offended by anything but the use of this word. Lady= A well-mannered and considerate woman with high standards of proper behavior. ... go figure!Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Anyway, a question any girl should ask is why is a woman called a slut when a man of similar dispostion is called a stud? ... sluts are just affectionate ladies! [Biggles exits stage to raptuous applause!]
Well, I'm one who holds the doors open in places like the post office. Doesn't matter who's coming, age, sex, race, ect. as I'm not in that much of a rush and it is the thing to do. I don't care what the other thinks as it is a responce that is to me normal. I don't even think about it. I haven't had anyone say, "I don't appreciate that" or anything to that nature. Usually, I will give a hello to go with it. That's how I was raised and how folks around there did. I have noticed this tendancy for some of the ladies to go for the "outlaw" type. At times in my life I always wondered what was going on... I can not answer for the ladies and what they feel. I have noticed that most women like their men to acknowledge their right to affection in public. By that I mean, an arm around the lady or holding hand in public or some such. There are exceptions to every rule of thumb and so it is here. I am not the one to answer the "What women want and need" question. Just like anyone one else it varies from person to person. Observe, note, and pay attention. Find out. Sometimes the realtionship goes stale. It happens. All you can do in the final stages is pick up your marbles and go home. But there is someone for every one and looking does seem to be the key. It always seems that when you are not looking is when you find what you're looking for. Maybe people give off the wrong body language when they are on the look, I don't know. But in my life it always happens that way.
BTW, now that you've mentioned Dear Abby.... Dear Abby, My hsband cheats on me. He has cheated all our marriage. All of our friends know it but they ignore it. They know he runs around on me and just pretend that it doesn't happen. Heck, the whole town knows he runs around on me. What should I do? Signed, Flustrated Dear Flustrated, Now that you're a New York Senator, you no longer have to put up with it. Dump him. Signed, Abby
Wet 1, Observe, note, pay attention.Well said. One if not the only way to find out the answers we men want to know.
Ana, I think you are right, but it's not "SOME women", but "MOST women". Listen to this, it is a strange thing that has been bothering me for quite some time. A few years ago the girl that, at the time, I really wanted to marry left me. The first months I lived like a zombie, but later I lived like an arsehole. I really did. Nothing and nobody really mattered to me at that point. The strange thing is that wherever I went girls and women would flock around me and I felt like they wanted to be 'used'. And that is just what I did. I was a player for about four months. Before that time, and again after, I have been always a "gentleman". And I really do not get that much attention of women. Also, I have had to warn some female friends (and family) for guys they feel attracted to. They normally don't listen "because he really is different", with the result that I have to comfort them when they feel used afterwards. These girls really are no 'sluts' and are intelligent. I hope you can understand that I have grown somewhat angry with women for that. Well, I have learned my lesson, even though it still puzzles me. I remain a gentleman, galantly opening doors driving girls savely home, etcetera. But if I want to meet a girl, I mimic the player, and get a lot of female attention. Afterwards Neb's words apply: It works just fine.
Ana, you explained it wonderful. As far as the asshole men, women go for, maybe it is the first impression and they think that this man is different. Because he behaves different. Not particular as an asshole, but different then other men do behave. The most men are real ok and if there comes a slightly different kind of men around the corner, a woman thinks probably, that this man, because he behaves different, is nicer to hang out with. Most of the times that kind of men are not nice at all and they treat you like garbage... It is a real pity it has to go like this, for much hurt is done this way to as well men and women, Men can behave like they don't care, but they care and hurt as well as women do. Guess you have to treat eachother equal in any case and respect eachother. Then it will work out pretty good. And listen well to what the other (your 'soulmate' in this life) has to say. It makes a difference. And I like men who behave like gentlemen and open the doors, for I am only emancipated when it suits me well....Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! As far as standing up and give your seat to elder humans in busses and trains, I always give up my seat to as well older men and women. Or pregnant women and humans who seem to have problems by standing up for a longer time. And yes, I open the door for humans if possible in stores the appartment I lived in and so on. Why not???Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Excellent replies EVERYONE!!! I'll start thinking of a new question that stimulates such conversation. P.S To everyone I'm sorry I haven't been online more but getting on the internet seems to have been a rarity this week-I can't get on at home and the seniors were taking these major tests so I couldn't use the computer labs. this might be my last post for a few days so just HANG ON tight!
Shrike, come on up with your questions. Doesn't matter when you will be back at the Forums, you'll get an answer any way. Hope your parents will give you the time to reply a little.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Talk to you as soon as you are back. Nobody else who has to say anything or has to ask something? Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
Question: Can we define 'Assholes' please. Everyone is talking about asshole guys and how they treat women but I've been wondering about what age group everyone is talking about. Once a guy is say late 20's he seems to grow up a bit. I remember the 'assholes' from being a teenager, but as I got older I realised that they were just immature boys who really didn't know how to act around girls or women. They were just as insecure as the girls were, but they had to put on the bravado for their mates and in doing so, acted the way we see as being an asshole. Have I got it completely wrong? I honestly don't know any men over 30 who act like that anymore, except maybe when they're really, really drunk... and the best thing to do then is walk away. Cheers Teri
Teri, there are men in this world who never seem to grow up and like to drown in their own self pity and do nothing else but hurting the woman they live(d) with. Even if they are older then 40 years. Guess this kind of behaviour has become so much part of their lives, they can't or won't get rid of it. And they don't have to be drunk all the time, it has become their 'natural' behaviour, for they act like this for such long time, they don't know how to change it. And that is a pity for them and certainly for the women who have to live with such person. In daily live and even after they got divorced, they are haunted by them. Do you have an explanation for this? By the way, there are women who act exactly the same.....it are not only men.
Well I'm back for a limited time only, good question teri 2. Yes, I think that there are probably just as many women assholes as there are men assholes. Now onto defining assholes. People who don't treat anyone else the way they want to be treated. Simple as that.
Shrike, the question which comes up with that, is how do you know how someone is treated right in the way he/she wants... You can tell about that by just pay attention and look at a human you love very close. And listen very close to her/him. You can tell a lot about a persons feelings by looking in their eyes. Eyes tell you more then behaviour. Because behaviour of humans is most of the time an outer 'image' of them to protect themselves for more pain and hurt that is done to them before. It is always reflected in the eyes...take a closer look, you will see... And pay more attention to what a person tells, listen close and don't interrupt, for then the person closes down before he/she themself knows it. All result of this impatient behaviour of humans towards one another now a days. Humans don't take enough time to really listen and look to eachother....rather sad...
Well said Banshee, the eye's reveal a lot about what a person is thinking, its very easy to hide how you feel with the expression on your face but the eye's always give you away.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! I have a question for both sexes, how do you know when you've found 'the one'?, if anyone has ever felt they've found 'the one' tell us how you knew they were it for you.
