Dating Etiquette

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by Hellenologophobia, Feb 10, 2012.

  1. Hellenologophobia Registered Senior Member

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    158
    My friend hooks me up with this girl. We hit it off beautifully. She was gorgeous, stylish, intelligent, and had a great sense of humor. According to my pal, I blew it. After our first date, she called and said that she was in town with one of her friends. She wanted me to meet with them for lunch. I had just finished lunch but told her I’d come for coffee. When I arrived, they had already ordered. I flagged the server for a cup of coffee. We had great conversation. It was time for me to pick up my daughter so I threw out a ten spot on the table for the coffee. So get this, my pal informed me that she was disappointed because I didn’t offer to pay for their lunch. She hasn’t returned any of my calls. Should I have offered to pay? :shrug:
     
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  3. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    That right there leaves you off the hook for she invited you not you invited her. Although it would have been a nice idea to score points with her and paid for the entire lunch for everyone, you're not required to do so.
     
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  5. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    I agree with cosmic on this. You had only been out on one date and she invited you to join them.

    Your ten dollars would have covered a fair bit more than your coffee, even at our overpriced establishments.

    Unless you are a braggart about your income, I would hardly expect you to cough up the fare for her friends lunch.

    That being said, there was one night after a rodeo dance than a gentlemen assisted myself and two girlfriends in scoring a cab, as cell phone service had just reached the Yukon and he had one. We shared the cab to one of the few dining establishments open at 3:00 a.m. and he asked if he could join us.

    He was a young man that I had known in my teens and no danger to anyone present so we agreed. One of the ladies was horribly snide and rude to him while my best friend and myself kept the banter on an even keel.

    Shortly before the bill arrived he left for the gent's and never returned and the snide friend was really glossing over how we were going to get stuck with his meal, even though he had paid for the cab.

    The bill didn't come and so after a time I went in search of it, meaning to pay and shut the dame up.

    The waitress looked rather surprised and commented, "The gentleman picked up the whole tab and said for you ladies to have a nice night."

    The next day I phoned the fellow as he had left me his business card, to both thank him and apologize for the rude one among us.

    He just chuckled and said he had enjoyed a delightful evening and was glad he had run into us at the rodeo dance.

    I hadn't seen him since he was 7 years old. Apparently he had a crush on me way back then, lol...

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  7. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

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    Just because your female doesnt make you entitled to anything and most women i know would have been offened if you HAD tried to pay. if you (of either gender) take someone out then you MIGHT want to pay but thats up to you. I would take it as a good thing you got off the hook if she expects that. Whats that offspring song? "why dont you get a job?"
     
  8. domesticated om Stickler for details Valued Senior Member

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    3,277
    An acquaintance of mine summed up dating in another discussion, so the following statement is partially derived from his statement:

    When I was single, I always ran into two kinds of women:
    1. Looking a man they have common interests with.
    2. Looking for someone to make their lives easier - usually in a financial or supportive type of context.

    From your story, she sounds like she's #2. If she was #1, the fact that you didn't pay would be a completely alien expectation..... #1 would be attracted to you because you were a nice man, had a cute smile, and both had similar interests in coffee or something.


    She probably isn't worth your time.... I mean, unless you just don't care and don't mind playing into her expectations as provider (or whatever).
     
  9. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

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    $10 is more than enough for coffee.
     
  10. Hellenologophobia Registered Senior Member

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    158
    You said one thing but implied another. Be honest. From a women’s perspective I should have paid, right? Normally I would have but she invited me at the last minute. I thought she only wanted to see if I could pass the muster with her friend.

    That is some sound advice. She finally returned my call. I said I was busy at the moment.

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    Thanks, man!
     
  11. Hercules Rockefeller Beatings will continue until morale improves. Moderator

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    No! By no reasonable perspective, male or female, should you have paid. That’s simply an outrageous expectation given the circumstances you described. If that truly was her expectation for a lunch where she invited you, then all I can say is …… Danger Will Robinson! Danger!

    (You sound like you’re Gen X so you’ll probably get that.)

    Approach this budding relationship with caution. (Just my $0.02, take or leave it as you will.)
     
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2012
  12. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

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    She's looking for a sugar daddy.
     
  13. Enmos Valued Senior Member

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    43,184
    No way. Sounds like she's just trying to take advantage of you.
     
  14. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    I believe you missed the point of the story, Hellenologophobia.

    Firstly, the gentlemen attached himself to our group of three by stepping forward and offering to order and share a cab, which he graciously paid for.

    Secondly he asked to join us in eating and girls usually go 'Dutch treat' unless one declares in advance it is her treat.

    Thirdly, I was quite surprised that he paid for all of us and just vaporized before we could thank him, (while my rude friend presumed he had stuck us with his bill).

    The reason, presumably, is that he was a former admirer from very long ago which is a relationship which has considerably more standing than your situation above.

    He did the unexpected and was courteous to us all and had absolutely no expectations of getting any female favors from any of us. He had personality, resourcefulness and wit, I might ad.

    I have been quite surprised by the number of men on this forum who consider all women to be 'gold-diggers' yet seem to think that we should be flattered by their expressed interest in our anatomy.

    Just what the hell does a fellow have that an independent woman needs in this modern age?

    You need something to stand out from the crowd, you know...

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  15. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    I quite agree that it is far too early in a relationship for such financial acts of chivalry, yet I would suggest that there are plenty of men also looking for a 'sugar mamma'. :bugeye:
     
  16. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

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    Umm an interest in the same things? a sense of humor? an atractive body? Are you really saying that the only thing you have\would have a partner for is to pay for you? What a lonly life you must lead

    Your comment is exactly WHY men belive women are "gold diggers". If you want sex, companionship, someone to care for you get a partner, if you want money get a job
     
  17. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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    15,058
    Another one of Asguard's protracted projections!

    :bugeye:


    You have really shown with the above post how little you actually know about people.
     
  18. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    Goodness. Either my communication skills are slipping or men really are devolving in the rest of the world, lol...

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    Men have penis envy over how capable and independent I am, Asguard, and I have seen them drooling over my 'toys', notably my big red Tundra truck, which is a very 'manly' looking set of wheels.

    I have two jobs, and I make a decent income, despite not having any degrees.

    Also have never lacked for expressions of interest from the gentlemen when I was unattached.

    Kindly make disparaging remarks elsewhere.

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    P.S. Is your spell check not working? :bugeye:
     
  19. Hellenologophobia Registered Senior Member

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    Love, Scheherazade...love.
     
  20. Xotica Everyday I’m Shufflin Registered Senior Member

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    It seems to me that your ten spot for a cup of java was more than equitable. Dating etiquette? Can’t help you much there because I don’t "date" in the traditional sense. I go clubbing every weekend and roll with serendipity. If I like him, I’ll simply bring him home.
     
  21. wynn ˙ Valued Senior Member

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  22. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    3,798
    I do concede that you have a musical sense and style all your own, Hellenologophobia.

    I was rather surprised that you took my first post as anything but supportive.

    Possibly you are feeling a bit of angst over the dating thing.

    On behalf of my gender, I can only apologize for the mixed signals we send.

    Apparently it has to do with the observed science that we seem to use both hemispheres of our brain simultaneously, is one of the theories. We are emotive and obsessive compulsive and confusing as hell to our own selves at times.

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    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=z5ow0XOp_WI&feature=related
     
  23. scheherazade Northern Horse Whisperer Valued Senior Member

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    Happy hunting, lol....

    You lioness, you.

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    That's pretty much how it's done in these parts gentlemen.

    Be afraid. Be very afraid....

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