Wow. We're a long way out on this one. Over a year to go until the actual election, and many Americans are already sick of the process. Prognosticators, daredevils, and village idiots are hereby invited to take part in SpiteFest '08: How bad will it be? How bad has it gotten? What will be your favorite moment from the upcoming season? What's your favorite so far? Who will have the worst hair? Who will fall off the dais? Who will sling the lowest insult at Hillary Clinton? Barack Obama? What will they say? How do you feel? What do you think? What the hell is at stake for you, and why the hell do you matter? First up, from our local discussion of the Armenian Genocide: • Personally, I'm expecting a Republican victory. (S.A.M., #1574636/26) • I swear I'll eat my underwear if Republicans win. (Michael, #1574752/27) • i think we right wingers should get used to the idea of President Hillary and her beautiful 1st lady, William. (Otheadp, #1575074/30) • Americans will not vote a woman into power. (S.A.M., #1575522/34) Look at that fear and loathing. S.A.M.'s in a dubious position; she can be right and wrong. If the Dems bug out and back the white Southern male, the GOP's job will be even tougher. Nonetheless, her lack of faith in the American people is reasonably justified. Its best to focus on the things we can do correctly, like selling forty-four ounces of Pepsi for under a dollar. Oh, wait, we don't even do that anymore, do we? Oh, wait ... yes, we do. At Wal-Mart! No fear from our neighbor Otheadp, only loathing. It wouldn't be fair to leave him out. But Michael ... oh, Michael. If January 20, 2009, sees a Mitt or Fred or Rudy, or some other GOP nut being sworn in, please know that one of the few things that will cheer me up would be to see the YouTube video of you eating your shorts. In fact, you've inspired me to find some stake we can offer the people for a Democratic victory, because a parade of angry folks eating their shorts is exactly the kind of thing most Americans would for. You're onto something, but the polarity is off. So pile 'em up here, folks ... predictions, premonitions, and prognostications; dares and promises and tantrums alike. Could we book a thousand lesbians for an "Eating Out With the Girls" video to be filmed along Fifth Ave in Seattle if the Dems win? Call it a charity event? Volunteers only? Would it be a hate crime if, instead of eggs, we sprayed Coca Cola on Mitt Romney's limousine? Ooh, what if the thousand lesbians all wore g-strings, and then threw them at a Republican president's inaugural motorcade? I know! Family Values! If the GOP wins, we ought to combine the two: get a thousand Log Cabin lesbians to throw babies at the motorcade! I've got it! Okay, okay ... if a Democrat wins, one thousand gay men won't have an orgy in your front yard! There we go ... the winning strategy: "Vote Democrat, or watch out for the santorum."