Bond Between Biological Parent Versus Adopted Parent

Discussion in 'Ethics, Morality, & Justice' started by lixluke, Aug 30, 2005.

  1. lixluke Refined Reinvention Valued Senior Member

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    9,072
    Say woman dies while having her baby.
    The baby is left with a father, and a dead mother.
    The father immediately remarries.
    His new wife becomes the mother of the child, and raises the child with total love for the child that is now her own. They are mother and child.

    Is there a difference in bond between this mother and baby from a bond between a child raised by a biological mother?
    Or is the bond between bilogical mother and baby stronger?
     
  2. Bells Frostbite! Staff Member

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    18,223
    Interesting question..

    Women that I know who have adopted children and a few of them have had children of their own as well have told me that the intense love and 'bond' that they felt for their adopted child was just as strong, if not stronger, as that they felt for their own child after it was born.

    A couple, friends of ours in particular, had one child of their own when they decided to adopt a daughter from South Korea. The mother said that the feeling she felt the first time she held her adopted daughter was possibly more intense than what she actually felt the first time she saw her own natural son. As she admitted though, their struggle to adopt this little girl may have made those feelings more intense and the fact that she'd had a bad pregnancy may have contributed to her feeling less of a bond at first with her son when he was born. She, like many pregnant women, are told that when you have a child, that you feel an instant bond, instant love and adoration, instant everything basically. She often said that she actually felt like a bad parent because she did not feel that instantly as told she should. With her son, those feelings grew over time but with her adopted daughter, she said it was instant.. that even though she had not given birth to her, it was her daughter and she said that biological bond came instantly the first time she held her.

    But as many have told me though, sometimes that bond is instant, be it with one's own child or adopted child, and sometimes it is not instant and it takes time to grow and develop. I don't know, I guess that even though the child is adopted, you know it's yours, just as the child you give birth to is yours...
     
  3. Imperfectionist Pope Humanzee the First Registered Senior Member

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    338
    The bond is probably about the same, but we can't entirely discount the first moments of a babies life. A newborn cow, for instance, bonds with it's mother in the first few minutes. There are things like pheremones, as well as voice recognition from all that time in the womb.
     
  4. Bells Frostbite! Staff Member

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    18,223
    True. But I have also heard of elephants (as an example) adopting another calf and bonding with it as though it were it's own. Maternal instincts or hormones maybe? Because some animals that do adopt baby animals of the same or sometimes even different species can also have the call recognition that they would have with their own off-spring.
     
  5. Christopher3 BLINDED BY SCIENCE Registered Senior Member

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    82
    It dosn't matter as long as the parent is loving to the child.
     
  6. Fraggle Rocker Staff Member

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    22,737
    The more social the species, the more transferable the parenting instinct is. Wolves will readily adopt orphaned cubs. It's an instinct for survival of the pack or the community.

    Even the biggest curmudgeon among us has a very strong instinct to protect children and would probably unthinkingly risk his life (hey, curmudgeons are always male, aren't they?) if he saw one in mortal danger. When that child is YOURS, no matter how it got that way, it kicks your instincts up into the next notch. I too have been told by an adoptive parent that when the nurse put that baby in their arms and said, "Here's your baby," it was like a toggle switch was flipped and their whole outlook on life changed. It didn't matter whose uterus or whose gene pool the baby was from.
     

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