I am trying to gather a list of short, original insults for a project I'm working on. I was hoping you folks might help. I need 22. So far I've come up with one: Looking at you, I can only assume your parents are farm animals. I'm not very good with creating insults.
I've got another, but I'm not sure it's original... When you were born, the doctor slapped your mother.
[video=youtube;PSEYXWmEse8]http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PSEYXWmEse8[/video] "You're the reason why people have middle fingers" "I'm not saying you're a whore, all I am saying is that your spit would be accepted at the sperm bank" “I sometimes look at you and think, really! You're the sperm that won!" “If you have problem with me, please write out your grievances, put that paper into an envelope and shove it up your own ass" “I don’t hate you…I just wish that I could re-arrange your face with a meat cleaver!” “I’m sorry if you’re offended, I didn’t think I said anything offensive” “I hate you, and I just met you” “No, no, I am still listening. That just the stupidest fucking thing I’ve ever heard.” “You’re not stupid; I just think you have bad luck when thinking” “My door is always open if you ever want to talk about how you can get the fuck out of my office” “I’m sorry, I had no idea you were such an expert on my life. Wait a minute while get a pen and paper to take notes" “ I know I should respect your opinion, but I find that difficult considering that you’re fucking idiot”
Those are all very good Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! but I was hoping to keep it clean (no swear words). Thanks for your contributions, I enjoyed them all.
Glad you enjoyed them, but I did ask before hand in response #4 if you wanted clean or dirty insults.
He has all the virtues I dislike and none of the vices I admire. I have never killed a man, but I have read many obituaries with great pleasure. I bet your brain feels as good as new, seeing that you've never used it. Hey, act your age -- senile! When you get run over by a car, it shouldn't be listed under accidents. You must be the math man -- you add trouble, subtract pleasure, divide attention, and multiply ignorance. Some people are has-beens. You are a never-was.
These aren't all personal but they can probably be re-worked for your purpose. You appear with the tedious inevitability of an unloved season. ("Moonraker") Politics is show business for ugly people. (G. K. Chesterton) You look like the poster boy for birth control. (Rodney Dangerfield, "Back to School") You get the impression that the gene pool around here could use a little more chlorine? (Duckman) My wife has never been much of a hands-on mother. (Lord Ashton, "General Hospital") Every time I scratch the surface with you, I just find more surface underneath. (Jenna Bradshaw, "Guiding Light") Offensive behavior is an ineffective way to make one's own case. (Miss Manners) Women are just like the police. They have all the evidence, but they still want the confession. (Chris Rock) Hey, the war is over. You can get spare parts for your head now. (Roseanne Barr) After you read that, did you eat the cookie? (Roseanne Barr) If we learn from our mistakes, you must be a genius by now. (Mason Capwell, "Santa Barbara") A moderate Arab is one who only holds a grudge for six generations. ("That Was the Week that Was") Our relationship used to be magic. Now the rabbit just sits there in the hat. ("Third Rock from the Sun") Don't be sorry. Just improve. ("Xena, Warrior Princess") What every woman wants is a clean-smelling pirate. ("Animal Practice") With all that's going on in the world today, who among us hasn't at least once wanted to take an axe to a priest? (Denny Crain, “Boston Legal”) You'd change your name to T. V. Listings to get it in the paper. (“Disclosure”) You can train a monkey to ride a bicycle in less than the eleven years we’ve spent trying to train Afghans to staff their own police force and military. (Rep. Walter Jones) You operate this vehicle like it was a cane with a red tip painted on the end of it. (Jack Nicholson, “Man Trouble”) No! He's a musician! You can't date a musician until all the other men are dead. (“My Father the Hero”) During my five years as head of security, not so much as a paper clip has been found missing. -- I'm sure if such a thing were to happen, you would be the perfect man for the job. (Hercule Poirot, “Million Dollar Bond Mystery”) If you're the best there is, the wheel would never have been invented. (Arnold Schwarzenegger, “Raw Deal”) You're a grown man. There's things you want, and there's things that are. You got to know the difference. ("The Riches") 99% of life is what you make of it. So if your life sucks, you suck. (Suicidal Tendencies, "Gotta Kill Captain Stupid")
Best one, sums up everyone on planet earth taht they call human. The world would be better of left to the animals, and if they took the above quote from that movie as fact.
"Can I help you out? How on earth did you even get in?" Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
