alternative spanking methods.

Clueless,

There is no good answer dumbass. Just like there is no good way to kill 1000 people. It's a negative to begin with, get it.

The question is how do you discipline a child who has stepped over the line.

We are not asking if you want ice cream.

IOW, any answer is going to involve an action that we would rather not have to do. But we do it because that is our responsibility.

You were suggesting that I was that parent, if not then I misunderstood, but it sure appeared that way to me since you used my post to respond.

And you go here again asking why am I resistent to seeking help. We don't need professional help. Our kids behave very well and if they don't then there are consequences for their actions.

My kids don't continuosly cross the line. They know better.

You used my words out of context because you would rather resort to attacking me and others instead of admitting that you don't have a better alternative.

Again, you didn't get it. It was a joke about people like yourself who is making spanking out to be some horrible evil on the children and yet you have no alternatives. No magic bullet.

 

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No. You are naive when you think that for everything and anything kids do the parents are responsible. That's not the case. You're acting as if children were dimwitted beings with no ability to think, and everything they do they do because their parents trained them into doing it, told them to do it, etc. Of course, my Clueluss friend, that's not the case. Kids are smart, and you are underestimating that particular quality of children..because you think.."it's just a kid, the parent is at fault that the kid choose to behave like a monkey in the shop." But obviously, from what I've read you don't seem to have any particular experience with children, nor do you seem to remember yourself when you were a child. Never felt the need to show off that the adults have no control over you? Never felt the need to test out the adults' patience? Etc.

Really, stop acting as if kids were incapable of thinking, and making decisions on their own.

 

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No, it isn't. The question is how do parents not resort to violence when disciplining their child?

 

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I am not in favour of spanking a child however I think disapline is needed so I used what worked with me when I was a kid. I would ask for the offending behaviour to be set aside so we could discuss what it is the child needed. And if this did not work I would then go get my pail of gravel and then pour a copious ammount in one of the conners of the room ask the child to roll up the pant legs and then kneel on the gravel. Worked everytime.

 

Who has stepped over the line.

So Q what is your alternative when that happens ?

 

Thats awful

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But you are making a judgement, just not stating it aloud.
For you to acknowledge that there are bad parents, you have made a judgement in your head, based on limited evidence, that person A or person B is a bad parent.
You are just not telling person A or B that this is what you think of them, and you are not telling others who person A or person B is.

If you have ever walked through a mall and saw a screaming kid running through the halls knocking crap down and a parent not disciplining the kid and thought to yourself, "that spoiled brat needs some discipline" you have made that judgement - you just didn't tell the spoiled brat's parents.

 

an old school punishment my Mom used to have to do was to kneel on uncooked cornmeal or grits.

 

What does that mean, exactly?

Each situation may be different and have varying circumstances. Be specific.

 

Baseball bats to the forehead work every time, too. But, is that a solution?

 

You do agree there are bad parents correct ?

That is all I am saying.

The fact that some parents molest their kids should be enough evidence don't you think.

When I see a kid knocking crap down in the store I actually don't think the parent is a bad parent. However, if I hear the parent say, oh honey don't knock those over, I will buy you an ice cream if you don't. Then I am thinking bad parent because they aren't doing their job and I have witnessed it, just like my neighbor.

If you want to argue that is an appropriate way to deal with a kid throwing a fit in the store, that's another subject.

So at some point we make judgements about people. But I am not making judgements about specific people that I do not know.

Just making a broad, and accurate statement in agreement that there are bad parents.

 

Q

It could be different things and at different times. Always with a warning or several warnings.

For example, you tell your son to stop throwing the ball in the house. He stops, you walk out and you hear the ball banging against the wall. You tell him that if he doesn't stop he is going to have to go for a time out in his room. He does it again and is then sent to his room. While on his way to his room, he slams the door protesting the time out. You then tell him to knock it off and that his time out has just been extended (insert time here) and if he continues to throw a fit then their will be further consequences. Maybe here we suggest that we will take his favorite game away.

20 seconds later you hear more stuff hitting the door.

That is over the line to me. At this point he loses his toy and is then told anymore outbursts and your going to get a spanking, do you understand ?

This is whats involved. Some here might have spanked him already, some will just keep taking more away.

I am not going to keep taking things away all day.

I operate on an escalation basis. I put it on them and remind them that it is always their decision to settle down and control their actions. It's their choice to misbehave and they are warned in advance of the action if they don't control themselves.

My daughter passed that point 4 times, and hasn't done so in 4 years, she is 10.

Son passed that point 2 times, hasn't done so in 1 year, he is 6.

I sincerely hope neither does so again. Because I don't like to have to go there and I don't like it when my kids don't behave.

Which is where the problem is, for milder discipline situations there are plenty of alternatives and ways to snuff out the problem and turn it around and teach them.

But as per the above, when they cross that line, and there has to be a line, then what is an alternative.

So far, what we are hearing is worse than a spanking. Which is why it's a difficult question. Because there is no easy answer.

 

The fact that you didn't take the time to find your son an alternative would be the problem here.

Seems you didn't think it through. What alternative to throwing the ball at the wall did you offer? Did you offer to play catch with your son?

If they did spank the child at this point, they have made a most grievous error in their actions.

Still, you haven't offered any alternatives to your escalation system.

I'm sure no one likes it when their kids misbehave. But, so far, you haven't provided anything to the child other than being a control freak.

Now, you've hit the nail on the head, there IS NO EASY ANSWER in regards to each and every situation a child may offer where discipline is involved. However:

Punishment using violence IS AN EASY ANSWER!!!

It just isn't the right answer.

 

Q,

Avoiding the question are we.

Not the real world. I play catch with him all the time. Now your just changing or modifying the example so you can dance around the fact you have no alternative for the kid who crossed the line.

The child has to learn responsibility for his actions. So in the above example, if I was busy working on the house and can't play catch with him. Should he be allowed to throw the ball against the wall just because I can't play with him. All of the actions are the kids choices. I didn't make him disobey, I didn't throw the ball against the wall, he did.

I agree, no child should be spanked without a warning. The warning is given to make it their choice. They choose at this point to go over the line or not, they have the responsibility.

I am not the one claiming spanking is child abuse and assault. Like I said, I use that as the last resort for the child to change their attitude and actions. It's hardly ever needed fortunately, when you give them that warning, you have to follow through. So you are hoping they respond or else you have to go there. And I don't know anyone that wants to go there.

Now I am a control freak for keeping my kids behavior under control. It's called parenting. It's called wanting to raise a child that has respect for others and can work, play and get along with others.

So once again I ask. What's the right answer ?

It's not violence Q, the intent is not to hurt the child. The intent is to create a boundary, the child makes the choice of whether to cross the line or not, each time they have done it they knew they did it to themselves. And they have learned that there is a boundary and that is important in raising kids.

Spanking your child is not easy, it hurt me more than it hurt them, I gurantee you that. I fully understand what my dad went through with me. And those were my choices as well.

 

It is you who crossed the line by using violence to discipline your child. Since you've already spanked your children, the problem now is their lack of respect for your requests.

Beating it into them clearly doesn't work.

Ah, the old, "I'm too busy to spend time with you" is a cop out. Sorry, that once again speaks volumes about you, not your child.

You probably have created this scenario the first time you spanked your kids. The problem now is trying to gain back their trust and respect for you.

No child should be spanked. Period.

I wouldn't verbally threaten a child with violence, either. That's stupid.

You've lost the respect you once may have had. The problem for you now is to gain back that respect. You don't hit a child in anger and then expect them to respect others and get along. Duh.

Simple, Non-violent answers.

That is where you're wrong.

Whatever "intent" you might have in your mind does not translate when violence is used. If you want to teach them boundaries, do so.

You can't guarantee anything as you have no idea the consequences of your actions. You are simply passing on your dads violence.

 

Never, we couldn't hit other people's kids. That's why I get so deeply involved with the mind games, over correction, and humiliation. I'm hoping that when I have kids of my own I can get them to be as well behaved as the I got the kids there to be.

 

Originally Posted by cluelusshusbund
...concernin the kids at the day care center you work for... what type of temperment/personality mus the child have befor you'r bosses will recomend that employees shud lightly swat a child on the botton as a punishment.??? ”

Hmmmm... not even a light swat on ther bottom jus to get ther attenton... does that frustrate you that you ant allowed to spank the kids who deserve it... an do you thank the "bad" kids at day care woud be beter behaved if you was allowed to spank 'em.???

 

Q also lives in a world of ideals where parents never have important stuff to do and can play at the drop of a hat. I mean that wouldn't spoil your kids or anything. I know I was spoiled because my mother didn't work so whenever I needed her to get something for me or pick me up from school at strange hours, it was never a problem for her and she never complained or told me no. And I as I grew older it came as a hard shock to me when other people wouldn't just drop what they were doing and do stuff for me. Patience is a virtue and it should be learned much earlier than when I learned it.

 

So now your attacking me because you don't have a valid alternative.

They respect me, which is why I haven't had to do it again and I hope that's the end of it.

It is always their choice Q.

The few spankings that I have had to do have indeed worked. It is clear that they understand it is their choice to make. So far they are responding to it very well.

More personal attacks, great.

So again your blaming me for their actions and your making further accusations that I wanted them to do this so I could spank them. LOL that is really ridiculous.

Alternatives please.

Alternatives please.

I am not threatening with violence. I am offering them a choice. Settle down and behave or else. They choose to cross the line or not.

Your wrong. I never have spanked them in anger. In fact, the few times I had to do it, I had them in their room for a period of time to make sure it wasn't perceived as that. Then I spoke to them and explained why I have to do it, I made sure they understood it was their choice to make.

Your just making personal accusations of which you do not know because you don't have a better way. And as I said, I don't expect you or anyone else to have one.

Still waiting.

They have to be taught boundaries.

Question remains, when they cross that, what do you do ?

The way I do it is explain to them why we have reached this point. That it was and is always their choice and since they crossed that line and they were warned of the consequences then they are getting a spanking.

They have learned to make better choices obviously.

I never looked, not once at my dad spanking us as violence. Not ever. I have always viewed it as punishment for my actions which it was. I deserved every one, so have my kids. It's just part of growing up. That is why I wouldn't think of spanking my oldest ever again because she is at an age where there are more powerful deterents, better ways to get her to make the right choice.

My son is getting past that age as well, and I can't envision him needing that action again either, because he just knows not to keep pushing the envelope.

So the consquences have been positive. My kids have learned that they have choices in life and there are consequences to those choices.

 

No more or less frustrating than anything else. The most frustrating thing was that the child was deliberately disobeying me.