alternative spanking methods.

the arguement for embarrasment/humiliation is another of the 'its not the use its the abuse' arguements for me..as with spanking the extreme is not good for the child..and another topic for another thread...

one of my arguements with my daughter(23 w 3yr old) is to not make empty threats (denial of items or action)(if you do that you wont get..)
make sure to follow through with the threat otherwise your children will learn fast not to listen to you cause you wont do anything anyway..

as far as bribery....IT WORKS!!..i used it so much when my daughter was growing up..i have to pay her for just about anything she does anymore....
(trade her cooking and cleaning for roof over her head and rides..)
(she has yet to weed eat the yard and rake for $20,she doesnt need the cash right now..but she will....)
whenever she wanted something it would cost her one way or another..sometimes it was something small, sometimes something relevant to her want..


i also used to have an old checkbook register i would record a certain amount for each chore, when she needed something i would deduct it from the register, of course the rule was she was responsible for the register, if she lost it,she would be out money......of course she lost it..but there wasnt that much in it, so no big loss..(thank god..if she still had it i would owe her too much to pay her...

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)

loss of privledges work only to the point where they get used to being without..same with taking away toys..only works short term..(out of site,out of mind)..

the door idea is LOL...maybe a bit extreme for my tastes..but sometimes extreme is what works the best...

whatever punishment is decided on it is alway benifititual to explain to the child what is going to happen if they continue their undesired action..its called consequences,they have to understand if they do certain things, bad things will result..plus it establishes parental authority so later in life they will listen to you when you are explaining what will happen to them if they dont pay the rent..(or other more serious things)

and i think its another topic for parents who don't want their kids (accident/rape/whatever reason) but get the responsibility of raising them...
thats another can of worms..

 

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I think I got the door idea from a TV show. I just saw another TV show where their teen-aged son's punishment was that he couldn't be farther than 5 feet from a parent. genius! My kids would rather die. He had to stop whatever he was doing to follow the parent around the house, store, etc.

 

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Ahhhhh so you are getting these great idea's from TV shows..

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I just get my ideas and child rearing ideas from basic common sense.

 

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People who use punishments are usin force to acheive desired results... an mos seem to intensify the punishments if the child still ant behavin properly which leads to conflict an resentment... well i thank it jus dawned on me the beauty of what my parents tecknique was:::

They didnt do stuff like hit holler ground or use time-outs or embarrasment or take my stuff away from me... an sinse they didnt use punishments they didnt fall into a trap of havin to punish me even harder if i resisted ther will... they didnt set up a battleground to begin wit an i felt respected... an when i sinsed ther displeasure at my behavior... i gave bak the respect they showed me an changed my ways of my own accord... thats the way i was consistently raized... an when i baby set the little girl for 6 mounthes those sam methods worked for me also... i gave her my time an respect an fareness... an she respected me in return an never needed punishments.!!!

My parents was both self employed an i hung out at ther places of bidness... an customers woud often have ther kids wit 'em which included my classmates... so i wasnt the type who feared embrassment of my parents bein aroun me an my frinds... an i still remenber this... on the firs day of school in the firs grade the moms went wit ther kids... an all the moms was standin aroun the room wit ther kids by ther side an i whispred to mom... you'r the pertyest mom here... an she was... an 1 time at a highschool sports event i herd 1 guy say to the other... look over thar... that guys been walkin for 10 minutes (from the school to the track area) an is only half way here... i looked aroun an it was my dad... so i tolt the bigger guys... thats my dad an he wares a brace on his leg an cant walk very fast... they quit chucklin an jus said Oooo.!!!

Well so far... the 2 people in this thred i woud trust my kids wit the mos is... Q an also Shorty.... cause even tho she was a bit of a spanker an souns a bit gruff... i thank she has perty good overall common sinse when it coms to raizin kids.!!!

 

HA! YES I am a recovering 5-6 time spanker.

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Gruff? Me? Yeah I admit I have a good set of vocal chords when I get really mad!!!

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hmmm both comments have no point in them other than to make this about who is morally superior,this thread is not for that! it is for advice ppl can look up as to how to discipline their kids..if you make this about who is 'right' and who is 'wrong' then the ppl who have the good advice will not post that advice from fear of judgement..

keep this in mind...we want to encourage posting advice not discourage it..
it is easier to point out what someone is doing wrong than to explain how to do it right..lets focus on explaining how to do it..

 

I am not accusing her of playing mind games with her kids, maybe with us, huh LOL. But it appears that she is going way farther than I would. To me that would be quite cruel if I was say a 13 year old.

I agree that a few spankings in their lives is less damaging than humiliating or embarassing them in front of their peers. That is over the top to me. But it also the intent. Depends on how and what's done I guess.

It's funny because nobody has a good answer for what to do when the kids cross the line and that is because there is no good answer.

Either don't do anything, spolied kid.

Spank them, assault, physical trauma.

F8ck with their minds, humiliation, embarrasment and psychological trauma.

It's not like we want to have to do this, it's just our job as parents. Otherwise we are failing the kids.

 

Sorry, but I don't agree with her advice.

 

For older kids and teens, for the most part. I still think the worst thing a parent can say to their kid is "I'm so disappointed". For kids who care about making their parents proud (which is a lot of kids), saying this hurts so much. I remember peers in high school (myself included) almost wishing their parent had grounded them or yelled at them or even slapped them instead. So I guess for some people psychological reprimands are far worse than the tangible ones. At least for me it was/is.
Some of the children at the daycare changed their behavior really fast if I told them, they were making me sad by behaving badly. People are just like dogs; so eager to please.

 

It's not that textbooks don't cover out of control kids, but every out of control kid is different from the last. They can't cover all types, so lots of people fall through the gaps.

And the second question, could you re-word it, I don't understand.

 

I mentioned this point earlier in the other thread. My kids are like that. They feel soooooo horrible if they know they let me down, it is written all over their face. I am sure there are real brats out there though, that it if their parent said that to them, it wouldn't even faze them.

 

A kid who continously "crosses-the-line" has been traned to do so by ther parents... i suggest the hole family seek professonal help... cause by then thers no quick or easy fix to make up for years of poor parentin skills... an to those wit such a prollem... lots-A-luck... you gonna need it

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Well, not abusive in the sense of the word's definition, but certainly, spoiling a child isn't good as it does create a fake world for the child where it feels safe, and once it has to leave this superficial world, live on its own, and take care of itself, it will be overwhelmed, in a negative sense, by the obtrusive way real life is working.

Yeah, kids. Life isn't like Disney World. :m:

 

Evidence? Or just you bullshitting around?

I don't know...I suggest you take a step out of wherever you live, go and experience real life which doesn't take place on a computer screen.

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you dont have to agree or disagree..its not about who is right and who is wrong..its about posting alternative means to spanking..it is for the person who is looking for another way to discipline their child that has run out of ways to discipline and wants to avoid spanking their kid, this thread is to compile advice as a resource for parents that are looking for alternative ways..

make it about who is right and who is wrong and you discourage ppl from posting..(read this)

in the end it is not your choice whether a parent will use your advice or not,no matter how much you try to devalue another users advice..if your advice is better (or more appropriate to the situation) then the parent will utilize that advice regardless.

 

you dont have to agree or disagree..its not about who is right and who is wrong..its about posting alternative means to spanking..it is for the person who is looking for another way to discipline their child that has run out of ways to discipline and wants to avoid spanking their kid, this thread is to compile advice as a resource for parents that are looking for alternative ways..

make it about who is right and who is wrong and you discourage ppl from posting..(read this)

in the end it is not your choice whether a parent will use your advice or not,no matter how much you try to devalue another users advice..if your advice is better (or more appropriate to the situation) then the parent will utilize that advice regardless of who it is from.

 

stupid lag.....

 

NMSquirrel, feel free to still delete the double posting. I don't think that it's limited to time. Rawr..you still got a chance to delete it! Do ittt!

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You have a lot of nerve, who are you to suggest shit when it comes to parenting.

You who has no kids, never raised them, has no business telling me how to be a parent.

You really have no clue of what is involved. It's clear by your simple view of raising children. It's not simple and each kid is unique. Kids cross the line, my don't "continuosly" do that because they know what will happen. And the first thing is not a spanking.

My kids are great, but I am not so unrealistic to think they are perfect little angels, none of them are. I am also fully aware they will make mistakes in the future and will have to learn from those. It's called being a parent.

The reality is that the way to avoid having to seek professional help is by being consistent from the beginning, teachable moments occur all the time and you better be ready to be the parent. Part of that responsibility is to discipline them.

You have no experience here, people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones.

 

NMSquirrel wonders if ppl are even listening to him...(see last post)

how you respond to another users post is a direct reflection of how you are as a parent!
you cant proclaim to be a better parent when you are bashing others!