alternative spanking methods.

All this is great and has nothing to do with the reason for spanking a kid or following him to school to embarass him in front of his friends.

Which is that the child has crossed the line. He/She is past these attempts, at some point you draw the line, when the kid goes past that line, you take things away and you teach by helping them understand that you are doing this for them, that they need to learn to behave, to be thankfull for what they have, to be respectful to others etc etc. If they continue to push, say they are in their room for a time out and have lost their toys and now they are throwing a fit and slamming the door etc, what then ?

Which of the above do you use then ?

LMAO, these are fine until the shit hits the fan.

 

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How do you know those methods don't work? How can you say that if a child has always been brought up in this manner, that the shit would hit the fan?

Perhaps, you're referring to children that have already been beaten and now have no respect for their parents wishes?

 

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jpappl, indeed. What do we do then? What if you're not one of those lucky parents who have little play dolls at home, but one of those unlucky parents who have little monsters at home?

 

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Because as a parent of a 6 and 10 year old, we have used them. Some of them are appropriate for the situation.

The problem in these two threads has been one side is claiming that those who have spanked their kids are these wild, hit em first ask questions later type. Maybe there are some that are that way, and that is wrong of course.

But we aren't. We have only spanked our two kids a total of 6 times and I don't see a scenario in which I will have to do it again. We use every option and tactic before getting to that point. Thus, it is a very rare event.

If we just spanked them everytime they got in trouble they would have been beating to a pulp.

My kids respect me because I don't ever spank them or lash out in anger. I always make it their choice, they know where the line is and it's their choice if they want a time out, or have things taken away and if they lose things or opportunities because of behavior. They also have found out a few times that if I warn them about a more serious response then it will happen, again it becomes their choice.

Do you think embarrasing a 10 year old girl in front of her friends gains respect ?

Do you have kids ?

 

I never said I did. Of course, it won't. Why would anyone do that?

Of course, it's embarrassing for the parent to spank their kids, don't you think?

 

Its not humiliation, its embarrassment. If my goal was to humiliate them, I would mock and ridicule them in front of their friends. Parents embarrass their children all the time, its different than humiliation.

$15 is for mowing, raking, cleaning gutters, shoveling the drive way, etc. Having money and chores teaches them responsibility. I also don't have to hear about how they want this or that. They save for it them selves. My 11 has so far saved over $100 for a laptop she wants.

You see candy as buying them off, I see it as rewarding good behaviour. Like I said, rewarding good behaviour works much much better than punishing bad behaviour.

 

Hell yes. When I was 7 my Mom spanked me in front of the cashier in Ben Franklin. I'm now 43 and have never gone back in there just in case that cashier sees me.

 

Which was my point earlier, that we get all kinds.

Much of the childs behavior can be controlled and improved by the parents actions.

But some kids are tougher than others, that is something I know is the case.

Not only are mine different, but I have 5 family members that have kids our ages and they are all unique and they have their moments.

 

Why? What do you suppose that child is thinking?

 

I'm wondering if you are acknowledging the effect of parenting on a child? In other words, do you think the child becomes as a result of the parenting, or do you think the child will grow up a certain way despite the parenting?

 

That seems to be Orlys approach, so you don't like hers and you don't like mine. So what is you approach ?

Yes it's the last thing we want to have to do. It represents a failure of the system. A breakdown. However, it's the kids choice.

 

Both. Have you known nice kids who try to get along and rough kids who always look for trouble ?

Some of them come from the same damn parents.

But parenting does have an effect. In some cases it's a complete lack of discipline from the parents that causes problems.

 

Embarrasment in front of teen peers is not humiliation, that's a slipperly slope Orly. I don't know where the line is drawn there. Oh I remember, it's the intent of the action. And your intent is not to humiliate, correct ? I believe you of course, but it's like the spanking. My intent is not to humiliate or embarass, it's to set a boundary so they know not to cross the line.

Humiliation, embarrasment, assualt, spanking.

Excellent. I wouldn't trust my 6 year old with the mower, but my oldest is doing similar things around the house. I agree that chores are important.

But you are giving them the candy up front. So all they have do is behave for a little while and they get candy. It works for you but it's not the same as having them behave without the prospect of getting something. Then they start to think they need to get something everytime they go somewhere.

Of course rewarding good behavior is preferred, but there are times when they don't behave, what are you going to do then, reward them for bad behavior. Of course not, so we are back to what kind of disciplinary action (which I prefer over punishment) are you going to take, and of course that depends on what the behavior was.

I never look at resolving behavior issues as punishment because then it comes across as our decision, when I want them to understand they have the choice, they choose to behave or not.

 

Mummy says, baby does not understand that crawling on the floor makes baby dirty and clothes dirty. Oops, that is extra work for mummy. Now mummy has no time for shopping and mummy and baby must go home IMMEDIATELY where mummy will give baby a bath, to remove dirt from crawling in supermarket and because mummy has to do extra washing mummy will have to cancel candy shopping to buy soap instead. Not only that but because mummy has less time to cook, mummy will not have time to make dessert so there will only be veggies for dinner. If baby had behaved, mummy might have had time to prepare a nice dessert at home. As it is mummy will be too tired from all the work to play with baby and will have to cancel all treats and outings scheduled for this week. Also in future, until baby shows that baby knows how to do shopping properly, baby will have to stay with sitter when mummy goes shoppping.

 

hmmm, I guess I go by the dictionary. Humiliation is different than embarrassment. My son is embarrassed just to go to the movies or out to eat with his parents. Me walking around with him at school is the same thing.

assault and spanking seem to have the same meaning. :shrug: Its one person hitting another person who doesn't want to be hit. Its not sports, its not sex, its not a traumatic birth, etc which somehow gets drug into it in other threads.

 

I loled. But that's approximately how much time some parents are willing to invest into the kids they wanted. Which equals to 0. Yes, horrific story. Between spanking and neglect, neglect seems to be the bigger evil of the two, at least that's how I perceive it.

 

Well you have to figure that one out. I really think it's what your intent is. And since your intent is to get him to not do whatever he did again, then I am not going to question whether you are trying to humiliate him or just embarass him. But either way, your intent is understood. To him however, it may just be humiliating or embarassing. Either way. Maybe you could ask him what he thought about it.

With regards to spanking, I again argue and we just may not see it the same way, but the intent is not to hurt or harm anymore than yours is to humiliate. The intent is the lay a boundary that they have a choice over. They choose to be embarassed, they choose to be spanked, but either way they are not going to get away with doing whatever it is that crosses that boundary.

If you throw the intent out of spanking and call it assault. Then yes, you might as well not put kids in contact sports until they are 18, not let them get in line for ice cream until they are 18, and not have them in the first place.

 

That is fine and dandy when they get older, and that is what I do with my 13 yr old. My 8 yr old hasn't done anything to get grounded yet.

Spanking isn't usually done at this age and they can communicate and understand things more clearly.

I also doubt at this age they are rolling on the ground throwing tantrums and acting like spoiled brats. So taking away their Elmo Phone, and stuffed animals usually doesn't have the same effect that taking things away from a teen does.

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What does this have to do with punishing or trying to make a child behave?

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My kid's do chores and some of them they get paid for. They have regular chores though that is just expected of them with no pay off. They have to learn that there are certain things expected of them in life and they aren't going to get bribed with money to them. After all I have a lot of chores around the house and nobody pays me.

So basically your answer is to bribe them to behave, be it with Candy or Money. So how do they learn to behave and respect other ppl that aren't bribing them with something?
What if someone else had taken them to the store and didn't hit the candy stand first? They would have probably freaked out because it was a learned behavior. Whenever we
go to the store, we get candy first.

My kids never pulled the tantrum shit on me and I didn't have to bribe them either.

So threatening them with humiliation in front of all their peers at school is better then a little spanking ( in private) a few times in their life? You actually went to the school and humiliated your son like that??? You really are crazy. Maybe your kids wouldn't get in trouble at school now, if they had received a few spanks on their bottom when they were little. You were too busy bribing them with Candy and money though.
See that is the problem the school isn't going to bribe them with shit.

You are just causing emotional damage to your teens, and you have the nerve to tell a few occasional spanker's that they ASSAULTED their children.
Look in the Mirror lady. I WOULD NEVER HUMILIATE my kids at school in front of their peers like you have done.... NEVER.

 

Exactly!! But then again as you can tell here, Orleander loves to play mind games. IMO that is more abusive then a few spankings in their lifetime.

 

I also think spoiling your child is abusive. Giving your child everything they want does not prepare them for the real world.