Age Disparity in a Relationship--Adults

Discussion in 'Human Science' started by Bowser, Aug 9, 2016.

  1. Bowser Right Here, Right Now Valued Senior Member

    Talking with a younger woman at work, she told me that she had quit a job in order to pursue a budding relation with a much older man. In her words, she had a great time. As a man, I can see myself dating a woman who might be five years my senior. past that and I think there would be a disconnect.

    Is it easier for younger women to have a relationship with older men? If so, why? What is the appeal?
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  3. Daecon Kiwi fruit Valued Senior Member

    The appeal of what? Any "older" partner or just person X (who may happen to be older, whether or not that's relevant) specifically?

    There my be any number of factors, such as emotional maturity or possibly even a higher chance of financial stability, if that's really a deciding factor in what someone may look for in a potential partner.

    This isn't unique to heterosexual couples, nor or probably even to younger-female/older-male pairings...
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2016
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  5. timojin Valued Senior Member

    Older man would treat the younger female with more tolerance , that implies kindness, and the younger female normally would treat the older man with more respect. ( It depend in the culture )
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  7. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

    Yes. Since human females mature faster than males, and in our present culture, the males are encouraged to remain adolescent far past their 20th year.
    It's quite common for a mature young woman to seek someone more thoughtful and settled than her male cohort; men commonly look for traits in a female partner other than intellectual attainment - emotional and sexual attractions.
    For an older woman to find a young man attractive, they would both have to be uncommon characters with uncommon needs.
    Last edited: Aug 9, 2016
  8. Daecon Kiwi fruit Valued Senior Member

    Uncommon? You've obviously never heard of the phrase "toy boy" then.
  9. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

    Of course I have. What percent of the population can afford such things? And what percent of the women who can afford a mercenary male companion are socially, legally and morally free enough to engage one? And how many of those attractions are reciprocal?
  10. The God Valued Senior Member

    What is uncommmon about an older woman finding a young man attractive?

    Uncommmon needs? Uncommon characters? Nope in above context as such.
  11. Jeeves Valued Senior Member

    Okay. Maybe you know more common old people than I do.
    The old people I know mostly have long-time spouses of our own age, or have recently buried long-time spouses of our own age and are not looking for new relationships. If you suggested what you just did to any of those women, they would say, "What? No! That's disgusting."

    Looking at a healthy young specimen of the appropriate gender and finding him or her pleasing to the eye for ten seconds is not a relationship. Prostitution is not a relationship.

    I am aware of two relationships where the man is more than 20 years older than the woman he lives with, and zero relationships where the woman is more than two years older than her long-time male companion. I obviously don't know anyone of either sex who has a financial arrangement with a much younger companion of either sex. How many do you know?
    Last edited: Aug 10, 2016
  12. centaurus Registered Member

    A May-December affair, to be coy

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  13. DaveC426913 Valued Senior Member

    If I took a poll of people I know in long-term relationships, the results would be at least 80% where the woman is older than the man. A large fraction of those where the woman is several years older. My wife is 6.5 years my senior.

    And no, she does not appreciate it when I call msyelf a "kept man".

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  14. Seattle Valued Senior Member

    It's a cultural thing in large part and yes it seems to be more common for a female to date an older man than for the reverse to occur. It also depends on how large the age difference is and on how old the people are in absolute terms.

    It's more common as people get older since the difference in age (in terms of maturity) would usually be less. Once people hit 30 they are much more mature than most anyone in their 20's. People anywhere in their 30's and 40's are the one's most likely to not think about the age differences too much. Neither are "young" looking and few have had time to start really aging so it makes little difference in that range.

    Generalizing, females are less interested in looks than males and more interested in other aspects.

    Women may find an older male more mature, more interesting intellectually, more experienced or just richer. It probably peaks at a certain age however.

    Males can generally get younger women and generally do but if the male in question is young then an older woman can still be very good looking and age at a certain age just may not matter. A good looking 25 year old male and a good looking 30 year old female who otherwise have a lot in common can easily get together.

    As men get older someone who might have dated women his own age in the past might start dating younger women if the females his age don't seem so attractive. He may have aged as much as the females his age but if younger females are still interested then he goes for younger females. A single active male (active in outdoor activities) may meet many more younger females than females that are his age as well.

    Most of this probably isn't just a female going after a guy just for money. At the extreme ends of the scale that is more likely to be the case however.

    As people age the changes aren't linear. I know 30 year old guys who look and act like they are 50. They may be bald, fat with 3 kids and dull to talk to. I have a friend who is in his 50's with a 30 year old girl friend and they both look fairly similar in age. That is an exceptional situation however. He is good looking but short, has grown kids, has little money. They both have the same outdoor interests and are both nice and well grounded people.

    The bottom line is that if you meet enough people it's easy to fall in love with a greater variety than you might think. If you are young (for instance when you are in college), everyone else is single and young and good looking then you will probably fall in love with someone similar.

    If you get divorced later in life, or just happen to still be single then you will probably meet a greater variety of people. If you are fit and active you might be thrown into a younger crowd and therefore might fall in love with a younger person.

    It's fairly rare to find a middle aged (or old) single male who is attracted to a much older woman at that stage in his life. It's not so rare for a middle aged female to go for an older or a much older male at that stage in her life.

    It's not that uncommon this days for a middle aged female to date males 5 to 10 years younger if she is still very fit and attractive and without kids. Most well adjusted women, in my experience, don't seem to fit into that category but it isn't that uncommon.
    Last edited: Aug 22, 2016

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