The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

Discussion in 'The Cesspool' started by The Flemster, May 10, 2004.

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  1. Not british, English, you stupid canadian twat. not to bad, given current exchange rate earned about $6000 today, picking holiday destination cant decide between Zimbabwai or USA.
     
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  3. shichimenshyo Caught in the machine Registered Senior Member

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    Choose zimbabwai so I dont have to smell your tea loving ass on my side of the world.

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  5. never drink the shit, coffee and stella for me
     
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  7. A dog is truly a man's best friend.

    If you don't believe it, just try this experiment.

    Lock your dog and your wife in the boot of the car for an hour.

    When you open the boot, which one is really happy to see you?
     
  8. shichimenshyo Caught in the machine Registered Senior Member

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    ...Sad, I actually drink tea, but not that earl grey shit.
     
  9. i bet your the sort of nob that makes it in teapot
     
  10. shichimenshyo Caught in the machine Registered Senior Member

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    5,110
    Not at all you twat

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    I bet your the sort that buys his coffe from starbucks
     
  11. i dont buy coffee my customers make it for me they even throw bickies, cakes, bacon sarnies, crisps (sorry chips), beer (proper beer not that shit you drink).
     
  12. shichimenshyo Caught in the machine Registered Senior Member

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    What you call beer I call motor oil

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  13. keeps my piston working jus fine
     
  14. I asked my wife her honest view on sexist jokes.

    She was too busy cooking though
     
  15. Q. How many men does it take to change a light bulb?
    A. None, let the bitch do the dishes in the dark
     
  16. A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

    The librarian says; "Fuck off, you won't bring it back."
     
  17. A guy goes to the pub, and says to his friend: "You won't believe what happened! I was taking a shortcut along the railway track, and I found a girl tied to the rails. I untied her, and then we had sex over and over again, all the positions, everything."

    His friend replies: "That's great! Did you get a blowjob?"

    "No, I never found her head."
     
  18. I parked in a disabled space today and a traffic warden shouted to me, "oi, what's your disability?"

    I said, "Tourettes, now fuck off you cunt!"
     
  19. The following is the transcript of an actual radio conversation in
    October 1995, between a US Navy ship off the coast of England, and the British
    authorities.

    The transcript was released by the MoD on 10/10/95.

    BRITS: Please divert your course 15 degrees to the South, to avoid a collision.
    AMERICANS: Recommend you divert your course 15 degrees to the North, to avoid a collision.
    BRITS: Negative. You will have to divert your course 15 degrees to the South to avoid a collision.
    AMERICANS: This is the Captain of a US Navy ship. I say again, divert YOUR course.
    BRITS: Negative. I say again. You will have to divert your course.
    AMERICANS: THIS IS THE AIRCRAFT CARRIER USS LINCOLN. THE SECOND LARGEST SHIP IN THE UNITED STATES ATLANTIC FLEET. THREE DESTROYERS, THREE CRUISERS AND NUMEROUS SUPPORT VESSELS ACCOMPANY US.
    I DEMAND THAT YOU CHANGE YOUR COURSE 15 DEGREES NORTH. THAT'S 15 DEGREES NORTH, OR COUNTER MEASURES WILL BE UNDERTAKEN TO ENSURE THE SAFETY OF THIS SHIP.

    BRITS: This is a lighthouse. Your call.
     
  20. Steve100 O͓͍̯̬̯̙͈̟̥̳̩͒̆̿ͬ̑̀̓̿͋ͬ ̙̳ͅ ̫̪̳͔O Valued Senior Member

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    2,346
    Jesus Christ, gotta spill that one.
     
  21. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    Steve 100..lovechild of John McEnroe and Will Ferrell.
     
  22. l_teddy10 Guest

    Hey yeah, thanks for doing that, cuz our country is kind of busy blowing shit(or countries, whatever you want to call it) up and drinking beer. It's good to know there's people out there working so we can "borrow" billions of dollars from you to blow more shit up and make more beer.

    By the way, my town probably supplies half of your country with lumber. We do the real work over here stupid fuck.
     
  23. Spud Emperor solanaceous common tater Registered Senior Member

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    3,899
    Steve100..lovechild of Bobby Brady and Harpo Marx?

    Help me out here Steve, I need to get to the bottom of this.
     
    Last edited: Apr 5, 2008
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