The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

A few proverbs

I like my women like I like my bourbon; 12 years old and mixed up with coke.

I eat more pussy than cervical cancer.

 

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The U.S.?! No culture?! Stop stealing all out music, speeding it up, and calling it Techno. Wankers. What the fuck have you twits added to the world?

 

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An old one, not so relevant now.

What does the average Pakistani weigh?

Sweets.

 

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Huh...?

 

Cancer is funny right??

Q: Why did the cancer victim cross the road?
A: He was hoping to get hit by a truck.

Q: What's black and has 27 breasts??
A: The dumpster outside the cancer clinic.

Q: Whats red and screams?
A: A peeled baby in a bag of salt.

Q: What do you call 100 black men in a field?
A: The good old days...

Q: What do you do after raping a blind, dumb girl?
A: Break her fingers so she cant tell anyone.

Q: What's the difference between a train carriage and a miscarriage?
A: You can't eat a train carriage.

Q: What did the Uga Booga see when he looked up his family tree?
A: Nothing, a monkey shit on him!

Q: Whats the worst thing about gang rape?
A: Waiting your turn.

Q: What do nine out of ten people enjoy?
A: Gang rape!

Q: How do you stop a black man from going out?
A: Pour more gas on him.

Q: What would Princess Diana be doing right now if she were still alive?
A: Scratching at the lid of her coffin.


"Teach a man to build a fire and
he will be warm for an evening.
Set a man on fire and
he will be warm for the rest of his life."

 

Yuri tarded, that's a great name!

 

Thank you Plastic Jesus dude
Try these on for size,,,

Q: Why do women have periods?
A: Because they deserve them.

Q: How many queers does it take to put in a light bulb?
A: Only one...but it takes an entire Emergency Room to get it out.

Q: Why do woman have vaginas?
A: So men will talk to them.

Q. Why did the boy fall off the swing?
A. He didn't have any arms.

Q: Why did the woman cross the road?
A: Who gives a fuck, bitch shouldn't have been out of the kitchen.

Q: Whats the difference between the car Dianna and Dodi died in and a tin of SPAM
A: SPAM comes with a key to get the meat out

Q: What's the fastest way to a woman's heart?
A: Through her chest with a sharp knife.

Two white South Africans walking through the jungle, come across a lion licking its own ass. Hey says one thats unusual isnt it? No says the other, its just eaten a nigger and its trying to get the taste out of its mouth.

Two necrophiliacs are at work in the morgue. One of them turns to the other and says, "You should have seen this woman they brought in last week.
They pulled her out of the water after she'd been there for three weeks. Man, I'm tellin' you, her tongue was just like a pickle."
"What," the other asks, "green?".
"No," says the first, " A bit sour."

 

Of course I am not rascist but I do know some rascist jokes.
(That in itself is a pretty good joke)

Q: What do you call a black dude in a tree with a bunch of monkeys?
A: Branch manager

Q: What do you call a spear chucker on a parachute?
A: Skeet

Q: A Black guy,a Mexican,a white guy,and a Jew are all standing around a filthy toilet.
Which one cleans it?
A: None of them,that's women's work.

Q: How do you get a black man off a bike?
A: You shoot him.

Q: What do you call a bunch of Mexicans people holding hands around a house?
A: spicket fence

Q: What do you call 1 white guy surrounded by 50 black guys?
A: The Warden.

A redneck takes his 13 year old daughter to the Gynecologist. The Dr asks if she is sexually active! The redneck replies, "No she just lies there like her mother!"

Q: What's blue and fucks grannies?
A: Me in my lucky blue suit.

Q: What is the difference between a black man and a set of tires?
A: You only put chains on the tires in the winter.

Q: Can anal sex cause pregnancy?
A: Yes, that is how Arabs are conceived.

Q: What do you say to a nigger in a uniform?
A: I'll have a Big Mac and fries

Q: What's funnier than a dead baby?
A: dead baby sitting next to a kid with down syndrome.

Q: Whats something that only women can do?
A: Get laid after they're dead

Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his ass.

One day, a teacher was teaching her inner city students to learn about farm animals and the noises they made.

She asked a question to the class: "Who knows what a cow sounds like."
A young girl raises her hand and replies: "Mooo, mooo!"

The teacher replies: "Good! Now who knows what sound a chicken makes?"
A small boy raises his hand and replies: "Cluck, cluck, cluck."

The teacher replies: "That's right! Now who can tell me what a pig says?"
A young black kid raises his hand: "Freeze!! UP AGAINST THE WALL, MOTHERFUCKER!!!"

Q: What's the difference between spit and swallow?
A: About 30 pounds of pressure on the back of her head.

Q: What did the Mexican do with his first 50 cent piece?
A: Marry her...........

Q: What's the most confusing day in East St Louis?
A: Fathers Day

Q: What did the carrot say to the nigger?
A: Fuck you



Did you know there are over 100k battered women ever year?
And to think that I've been eating them plain all this time!

 

Yes Yuri, good?

Only one of any note there and that's you in your lucky blue suit.
Mildly funny, the rest are just shit.

 

Why be jealous? Just enjoy Yuri Tarded's joke like i just did, simply hilarious!
Keep 'em coming please !!

And btw, awesome nick

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I wonder how many people actually gets the point

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question

What is 7 inches long and starts with a P ?



A shit



What sexual activity is enjoyed by 9 out of 10 people?



Gang Rape!!!!!

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Sorry they may offend but i found these hilarious

What's Madeleine and the Maddie Fund got in common?
Gerry's put his fingers into both !

Jerry and Kate McCann went to see the Pope to ask if he could help find their daughter.
The Pope said he'd love to help but the Catholic Clergy was more used to hunting down small boys.

John Darwin has walked into a police station after being missing, presumed dead for five years.
He says that's the last time he goes on holiday with the McCanns!

What's the difference between Smarties and sleeping pills?
Maddie wasn't allowed to have a whole pack of Smarties!

What's the difference between the McCanns and Gary Glitter?
Gary Glitter comes back from his holidays with more kids than he left with.

What's the difference between Madeleine McCann and my bike?
My bike doesn't cry when I ride it.

What do Madeleine McCann and a Guinea Pig have in common?
Both have a life expectancy of 4 years and end-up buried in a backyard!

 

An old favourite site which I see is still running :

http://www.joecartoon.com/

 

I got one!

Hey I'm new here but I got one,




What's the difference between a dead baby and a ham sandwich?



I don't cum in the ham sandwich before I eat it.

 

Bathtime

Don't know if these have been posted before.

Young boy runs into the bathroom and sees his mother naked.
"What's that, mommy?" he asks pointing to the hair slit between her legs.

"Oh" she flusters, "that's where daddy hit me with an axe, she tells him.

"good shot" says the boy "he got you right in the cunt!"



3 Pregnant women sitting knitting...
The first takes a handful of pills and continues.
The second asks what are the pills you are taking?
Vitamins she replies so my baby has wonderful skin, nails and hair.
The second keeps topping up a glass with milk.
The first asks why are you drinking all that milk?
The second replies, so my baby has strong bones and teeth.
The third is knitting and listening and all the while scoffing tablets.
The first asks what are you taking?
She replies Thalidomide tablets.
The first yells "Why would you take Thalidomide?"
Oh, replies the third " I can't knit sleeves"


Did you hear about the Thalidomide disco....

It was crawling with pussy!


Did you hear about the new German microwave oven

It seats 42.

 

This is my first post so i hope i make the grade.

An old Jewish guy in the USA won the Lotto Jackpot of $120 million. While being interviewed by the local news, he was asked what he was going to do with the money.
"First thing I'm gonna do is give half the money to the Nazi Party in Germany."
Some what surprised by this response, the news guy asked, "Why the hell would you do that after all the things they put you and your family through during the holocaust."
"Well, come on, fair's fair," he says as he rolls up his sleeve, "they did give me the numbers."

 

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yeah that was funny!

 

I don't get it.

 

The Nazis branded/tattooed the detainees with numbers...dehumanization, essentially.

 

Still funny as hell! God damn that joke made me laugh

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