The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

heath ledger apparently died of alcohol poisoning from sucking down too many cowboys

 

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Game shows

Have you heard about the new quiz show thats taking the paedophile community by storm?

Its called "Are you sexier than a 10 year old?"

Producers are hoping it'll prove to be as popular as classics such as "Who wants to be in a small boy" , "Feel or No Feel" and "The Weakest Link (Better watch out)"

 

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Whats black and white and goes to bed hungry?

heath ledgers cat.

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What's the difference between Heath Ledger and this joke?

Heath Ledger won't get buried in ten minutes.

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'Will these sleeping tablets work, doc' said Heath Ledger.
'Yep son,' said the doc,' you'll be dead to the world in no time.

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Heath Ledger's funeral has had to be rearranged as the church was double booked with a wedding. However, it has been suggested that while the wedding photographs are being taken at the front of the church someone could take Ledger round the back.
Wont be the first time then will it.

 

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Heath Ledger died of an overdose after taking some drugs supplied by a dodgy dealer.

Not the first time he's been done over by a cowboy.

 

Kia ora,
Im a new member in new zealand, origianlly from the Uk.
Iv noticed that there are lots of jokes about Paki's.
I would just like everyone to know that paki's are alright....



For cleaning my shoes.

As there are no maori jokes on here im going to start.

Whats black and white and rolls down a hill.?
a maori and a seagull fighting over a fish head.

How many pull bearers do you need at a maori funeral?
One , it only takes one person to push a wheely bin.

For sale$$$$
climbing boots, ice picks, and photos from the top of mount Everest.
No longer required, all offers considered.

Whats black and garthers dust?
Sir edmond hilary's passport.

 

What smells like fish and sounds like thumb?




Your Mum!

 

Aahhh cakeface, aren't you sweet!....:0)

I think laughing at yourself is healthy, so I'm quite allright with the Paki jokes, and anything else, really (or I'd be a hypocrite!).

Sooooo, here's one of my all time favourites:


This Redneck guy slouches into a bar and orders himself a Bud Select.
Swigging it, he sees this gorgeous Latina woman, curvy as anything, a cleavage to drown in, blood red lipstick, a rose in her gleaming hair.

Hooking the thumb of his free hand behind his waistband, he sidles up to her , clutching his Bud and says: "Howdy, li'l lady."
She smiles and says: Hola."
Encouraged at not being immediately rejected, he asks: "What's yalls's name?"
She looks at him with bedroom eyes and says: "I am called Carmen. Because I like cars. And I like men."
Baffled he thinks: Ah've ah got mahself an edducaited un! Ah better be reel clevver!
She puts a hand on his arm and he thinks he's in there, wow!
"So what's yours, cowboy?" Carmen asks.
Trying to think fast of something witty he stammers: "Ah....Uhm....BeerCunt!!"

 

jaffaboy

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Great jokes,heres some to add on:-

Q. What's the difference between a blonde and a miccrowave?

A. A microwave doesn't fart when you take your meat out.



Whats the most perverse thing on earth?

Puting 12 oysters up your grannies pussy and sucking out 13 !!!

 

Thanks for the nice quote.
I cant pronounce your name... there's a surprise.!!!!
I will call you bud ding, because i can.
But im not some KFC migging Maori.
Yes im originally from the Uk it dosent make me some curry muncher..
Why do you think i moved away from that grey shit hole...
I got a sore throat from swearing at all the foreigners.
Fuck you could only see half these pricks if they smiled when it was a full moon.
So i dont know why you think im laughing at myself....

Why are there no white man jokes?

Fuck its hard being perfect!!

i was trying to find an icon with a rag on his head..
but they must of swept that one in the bin....im sure you would only put too much spice on it and make it taste like everything else.

 

A man went to his appointment with the urologist. In the examining room he told the doctor, 'Don't laugh!'

'Of course I won't laugh,' the doctor said. 'I'm a professional. In more than twenty years I've never Laughed at a patient.'

'Okay then,' the man said, and proceeded to drop his trousers, revealing the tiniest 'Willie the doctor had ever seen.

It wasn't any bigger than a triple A battery.

Unable to control himself, the doctor started giggling, then fell to the floor laughing hysterically.

Ten minutes later he was able to struggle to his feet and regain his composure.

' I'm so sorry,' he said. 'I really am. I don't know what came over me.

On my honour as a doctor and a gentleman, I promise it won't happen again.

Now, what seems to be the problem?'

'It's swollen,' the man replied

 

A guy goes to see his doctor. The doc says: "I've got bad news for you, you have incurable cancer, and you're suffering from a form of amnesia, as well."

The guy says: "Well, that doesn't sound so bad. At least I don't have cancer."

 

Jeremy Beadle's wife is being investigated for murder, early reports indicate she's been framed.

 

Jeremy Beadles wife couldn't understand her husbands will. It was written in shorthand.

 

Hi guys after reading all your jokes I had to join as they are so damn funny!!

So here is my first joke (apologies if it isnt that funny)

What's the difference between Brokeback Mountain and a bottle of sleeping pills?

One sends you to sleep the other leaves you dead in your apartment..

Oh and one more

What's yellow and mow's my lawn?
Mind your own fucking business, he's my nigger
and I'll paint the cunt any fucking colour I want!!!

 

Husband to wife. We should start washing your knickers in slim-fast it may make your fat arse thinner.
Next day he puts his pants on and they are covered in powder.
He says to wife did you put talc powder in them?
No she says its bloody miracle grow now get them on..

 

2 paki heroin addicts injected curry powder by mistake
. both in intensive care !!
. one has a dodgy tikka
and the other one is in a korma.

 

geese this place contains weirdos with 0 posts them all...

 

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That was a very good joke,Looney,heres a couple more to add to them :-


Whats 50 yards long and smells of urine?

The queue outside the post office on a Thursday.


Tiger Woods goes to a Stevie Wonder concert,and after the concert has finished he asks if he can go backstage to meet Stevie.

On being let in to Stevies dressing room Tiger tells Stevie what a great show it was and how he admires him the way he plays his instruments,especially being blind.

Stevie thanks Tiger for his compliment and asks how his golf is doing.
Terrible Tiger tells Stevie i'm not hitting the balls properly at the moment.

Stevie tells Tiger he has the same problem but if he leaves off playing for a week or so then starts playing again,everything is ok.

Tiger amazed by what he's just heard enquires as to how Stevie can play golf and not see the ball.
Stevie tells Tiger that as his hearing is so sharp,his caddy stands down the fairway and shouts to him,so he able to know were to hit the ball,and when he is on the green his caddy gets down on his knees and puts his head down on the ground over the cup and talks to him ,so he knows where to putt.

Point taken Tiger tells Stevie.
Stevie tells Tiger that they should play a round together sometime.

O K Tiger tells Stevie but i only play for a $1000 a hole.

Thats O K Stevie tells Tiger.So Tiger says,"when would you like to play?"

STEVIE WONDER SAYS,"PICK A NIGHT."

 

If the answer is cockrobin,what is the question?

Whats that up my arse batman!!

 

What do you get if you cross a nigger with an octopus?

A fucking ugly bastard,but a great cotton picker!!