The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!

How do you make a dead baby float?














2 scoops of ice cream, some coca-cola, and a dead baby.

 

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i am amd at u ur a slack 2 tha ethiopian nation and if u tease us again iam gonna kick ur ass u dik head ovuisly iam ethiopian and u r on tha border line mister or mrs i hate u for saying wat u said u r a desrcse and u suck badly u idoit

 

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Seriously...
You were reading a thread title "The Most Offensive Jokes Ever!!!", found a joke that offended you (suprise!), and then complain about it?
If you don't want to be offended by jokes, read another thread.

 

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What does an Ethiopian do with a tin of beans?

Opens a restaurant.

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My work here is done

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*This one requires some work out of you. Extend your arms out to either side of you.*

What do you call that?
A hell of a way to spend Easter.

Two pedophiles are walking down the street. One turns to the other and says "I'll swap you two fives for a ten."

Two pedophiles are lying on the beach. One turns to the other and says "Excuse me sir, but you're lying in my son."

A priest and a rabbi walk into a bar and say "Hey, did you hear the one about us?"
_________
A woman is driving with her eleven year old daughter down the freeway, when all of a sudden, she hits a bump on the road. Her car skids uncontrollably, and swerves into a ditch, making a horrific crash. The woman dies on impact.

The girl survives, and crawls out of the wreckage. She staggers to her feet, and flags down a passing car.

The car stops, and a man gets out. "Please mister," the girl says, "you've got to help me! My mom's dead!"

The man looks at the wreckage, unzips his fly, and says "Honey, today just isn't your day."
__________

What's long, black and stinks like shit?
The unemployment line.

 

thats the best. im taking it to the bar tonight. =)

 

Q.) what's black and sits at the top of the stairs?


A.) a quadriplegic in a housefire!



[ps. it's funnier when i tell it in person, for i became a C5 complete quad in an accident 12 months ago ... ]

 

Welcome to sciforums. They are all great jokes

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What's the 2nd fastest thing on Earth?
An Ethiopian chasing a chicked.

What's the fastest thing on Earth?
The chicken.

(They're just jokes, old bean. Mind you, I wouldn't have too much of a sense of humour if Bob Geldof and Lenny Henry kept turning up in my street, giving out porridge and stale bread. And Dawn French?!? That's just rubbing their noses in it!)

Charmed...

 

The newquay world surfing championship was won today by a surprised sri lanken on a deck chair

 

What's the best thing about fucking a 12 year old girl?

You can roll her over and pretend you're fucking a 12 year old boy.

 

Q: What's the difference between Jesus and a picture of Jesus?

A: It only takes 1 nail to hang the picture.

 

hey i heard this joke and was sick, although it did offend me and this will be the first time i have repetted it

Q What do they use in Germany for speed humps, on the road?

A Jews

 

I've heard that Bob Geldof is getting a band together for flood aid. Hes got Muddy Waters, the Drifters, and Wet,Wet,Wet lined up already. There doing a cover of Blondie's The Tide Is High.

 

I understand they're sending out a new diet system to S. E. Asia.
It's called the Swim-Fast Plan.

Charmed...

 

Ooof...

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Q.) What's worse than fucking a 4 year old?


A.) Having her tell you she's had better!

 

After having their 11th child, an Arkansas couple decided that they had enough kids. So, the husband and wife went to the doctor and told him that he and his cousin didn't want to have any more children.
The doctor told them that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem, but it was more expensive than they could afford. The doctor knew the family didn't have much money, so he proceeded to tell them about an alternate treatment.
The doctor instructed the man to go home, get a cherry bomb, light it, put it in a beer can, then hold the can up to his ear and count to 10.
The Arkansas man said to the doctor, "I may not be the smartest man, but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." The doctor told him that was the cheapest alternative he could think of, and the man was still not satisfied.
So, the couple drove to Texas to get a second opinion. The Texas physician was just about to tell them about the procedure for a vasectomy when he noticed on the form that they were from Arkansas.. (And the income range block on the form was filled in with the words "what's income.") So this doctor also proceeded to tell them about an alternate method of treatment. He told the man to go home and get a cherry bomb, light it, place it in a beer can, hold it to his ear and count to 10.

Figuring that both learned physicians couldn't be wrong, the couple went home, stopping to buy a cherry bomb along the way. When he got home, the man lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held the can up to his ear and began to count.
"1, 2, 3, 4, 5," at which point he paused and placed the beer can between his legs and resumed counting on his other hand.

 

lol, nice one

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Q: Why did the blonde have bruises around her bellybutton?
A: Because her boyfriend's blonde, too.

Q: What do a Boeing 747 and a bleach blonde have in common?
A: They both have black boxes.

A young blonde woman in liverpool was so depressed that she decided to end
her life by throwing herself into the mersey.

She went down to the docks and was about to leap into the frigid
water when a handsome young sailor saw her tottering on the edge of the
pier, crying.

He took pity on her and said, "Look, you have so much to live for.
I'm off to Hawaii in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away
on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll
keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."

The girl nodded yes. After all, what did she have to lose? Perhaps
a fresh start in Hawaii would give her life new meaning. That night,
the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on,
every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and
they made passionate love until dawn.

Three weeks later, during a routine inspection, she was discovered
by the Captain. "What are you doing here?" the Captain asked.
"I have an arrangement with one of the sailors," she explained. "I
get food and a trip to Hawaii, and he's screwing me."
"He certainly is," the Captain said. "This is the Ferry"

A blonde goes into the dry cleaners to have her sweater cleaned. She asks the clerk, “How much?”
He doesn’t hear her correctly and says “Come again?”
She giggles and says “No…it’s just mustard this time.”


A cop pulls over a ditzy looking blonde driving a convertible and asks to see her license.
“What’s that?” she asks.
He explains that it’s the card proving she knows how to drive.
“Oh, I have one of those,” she says.
After checking her information in the squad car, the cop says, “I’m sorry, but I’m going to have to give you a ticket.”
“What’s a ticket?” she asks.
The cop thinks about it, looks both ways, and pulls out his dick.
The girl slumps in her seat and says, “Oh, no. Not another Breathalyzer.”


A blonde who’s having financial troubles decides to kidnap a child for ransom. She writes on a piece of paper: “I’ve kidnapped your son. Leave $10,000 behind the oak tree in the park tomorrow at 7 A.M. The Blonde.” She walks over to the park, grabs a little boy, pins the note to his jacket, and tells him to run home.

The next morning, the blonde goes back to the park, where she sees the boy standing behind the oak tree.

“I’m supposed to give you this,” he says, handing her a brown bag. As she counts the money, she notices a new note pinned to his jacket: “my son says your blonde, I can’t believe that one blonde would do this to another.”


A man was mowing his yard when his attractive blonde female neighbor came out of her house, walked down her driveway, opened her mailbox, looked inside, then slammed it closed and stormed back inside her house. Several minutes later, the same thing happened. As the man was finishing, his neighbor came out a third time and repeated her behavior.
“Is there a problem?” he asked.
“There certainly is,” she replied. “My stupid computer keeps telling me: ‘I’ve got mail’!”