Dieting, is it really any good?

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by cosmictraveler, May 30, 2009.

  1. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

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    33,264
    Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
    A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise. Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

    Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
    A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

    Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
    A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

    Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
    A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

    Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
    A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!



    Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
    A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

    Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
    A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

    Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
    A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans ! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
    A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!

    Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.
     
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  3. Challenger78 Valued Senior Member

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    Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
    A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

    Hehe..

    I always wondered what obsession people had with being skinny.
    I blame the whales.
     
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  5. justwonderingjoe Gosh,the weather is nice today Registered Senior Member

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    I hope this was a "pretend" conversation you had with your doctor.
     
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  7. visceral_instinct Monkey see, monkey denigrate Valued Senior Member

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    Ack...I eventually realized this was a joke post...
     
  8. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    i hope you realised when u read 'want to live longer? take a nap'.

    otherwise...
     
  9. chris4355 Registered Senior Member

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    That was excellent haha.
     
  10. Pandaemoni Valued Senior Member

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    I just saw a report (on the Science news show Brink) stating that fat from fast food and other sources has potentially significant benefits to memory.

    So you can add:

    Q: Doctor, should I avoid eating fatty foods?
    A: Yes, if you want to live a long life as a dumbass.
     
  11. weed_eater_guy It ain't broke, don't fix it! Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,516
    Q: Doctor, I really would like to loose some weight, can you help?
    A: Sure thing! I've got a bow-saw here... now let's see, bite this wooden spoon, now which leg is your least-favorite leg?
     
  12. scifes In withdrawal. Valued Senior Member

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    2,573
    :roflmao:
     

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