What to do with teenager secret and illegal stuff?

[PieAreSquared]

well 5 kids.. one step son and the only one who smokes weed is with the ex in Nebraska.

Never seen so many alcoholics in one place as Nebraska .. guess that's part of the "Go Big Red" mentality

[Orleander]

well 5 kids.. one step son and the only one who smokes weed is with the ex in Nebraska.

Never seen so many alcoholics in one place as Nebraska .. guess that's part of the "Go Big Red" mentality

LOL, OMG! You ain't lyin!
There is nothing else to do in NE but drink. Even towns too small to have a high school have 3 bars.
Ever been to Rose, NE? Its nothing but a bar with the owners living next door. And people drive from miles around to go there.

[Syzygys]

If you cannot trust your own kids then you have done a lousy job at bringing them up!

Trusting a teenager? Yeah, right....

P.S.: You are REALLY old....

[Syzygys]

By the way it is beer (thus prefectly legally usable by any adults), not weed. I was thinking of donating it...

I generally don't like to throw away stuff, but if I put it into the garage and would be drinking it for the next 2 months, that would piss them off. After all I assume it is harder to get beer than weed. Not to mention heavy to transfer...

Oh yes, and very few kids on weed got into deadly caraccidents...

[PieAreSquared]

No, never been to Rose, but have been through the many equivalents.I feel that one of the reasons Meth has become so popular in Nebraska is because they can drink more if they have some meth to go along with the booze.

Again, that's just my opinion, but Alcohol is the biggest gateway drug there is. There is not much worse in my book than a wired up drunk.

[Orleander]

Its easy to make meth in NE as well. No neighbors for miles, lots of abandoned sheds/houses to make it in, fertilizer and other chemicals at your fingertips, few police.

Dentists must make a killing in NE with all those meth mouths.

[Orleander]

By the way it is beer (thus prefectly legally usable by any adults), not weed. I was thinking of donating it......

Donate it? LOL
I double dog dare you to go to a local food pantry and try to donate it.

[Liebling]

If you cannot trust your own kids then you have done a lousy job at bringing them up!

I agree whole heartedly. If you are honest with your children about life, and have open lines of communication at all times, it will serve you well. The more you hide your own emotions and the facts about your own life, the less normal you will seem to them. I've never restricted them in what they dream of, and I've taught them good values and morals. When my youngest wanted a guitar really bad (he's seven) I explained to him how expensive a brand new guitar was and I showed him. I gave him several options, he could use my guitar or he could gather up the toys from his room and we'd put a value on them and he could trade them in at the Salvation Army and I would help him buy a used guitar. We talked about all his toys and he made all the decisions for himself. In the end, he gave away about $200 worth of toys to the Salvation Army and we went to a pawn shop and bought him a pretty nice electric guitar. He's played it religiously every day since and that was two years ago. He asked for guitar lessons from his grandparents for his birthday, and they asked him how his grades were and bought him the lessons because he was getting all A's. I treated my oldest the same way, and all of our neighbors talk about how polite and thoughtful my children are, and are always amazed at how they check in on time, and are respectful to us. They don't lie to other parents or teachers as well.

It is all in how you raise them. If you are open and honest with them, they will be open and honest with you. If you are realistic in your expectations about how your children should behave, and not punish them for not meeting your personal expectations if they are too high, that also goes a long way. Lots of positive enforcement and rewards for hard work done, is better than punishing for no work done at all.

It's how my parents raised me, and I was always honest with them even when I smoked pot, and drank... when I was 16 and thinking about having sex, my mom took me to get pills and would buy condoms. My parents couldn't pay for college, and talked to me about that long before my senior year, and together we made some decisions about how to get to college on my own and I made it through just fine. If you trust yourself, and how you raised your children, you can trust them. But also understand that kids are going to make mistakes, and you can be there for them even if you disapprove of their choices and can still help them turn it around before it's too late. Shaming them does nothing but draw them further into their shell.

[CutsieMarie89]

I wouldn't be angry, but I still think I would talk with them. I don't approve of abusing drugs and would certainly let my feelings be known. "and no illegal substances in my house". I couldn't make them stop of course, but I would offer my two cents. My parents always thought I was ignoring them, but their advice did factor in to some of the decisions I made, hopefully it'll do the same for my (future) children. Also like my mother made clear, if they get in trouble with the law for doing this stuff I'm not going to brake my back to help them.

[spidergoat]

Leave it there and poke holes in the can so it's flat, or open the caps and replace the beer with pee and recap it.

[visceral_instinct]

pffft. Kids always try and get something over on their parents. My folks did, I did, and my kids will. Its not how they were raised, its just kids growing up.

I was never like that. I think because my mother never had that 'I am God' attitude. She made boundaries where it was genuinely necessary. But she didn't act like she owned me.

That said, I never really 'did' teenagerdom in a lot of ways. I guess I was just different.

Trusting a teenager? Yeah, right....

Sorry, that's just insulting. Not all of us are deranged assholes.

[Syzygys]

Donate it?

I can donate it to relatives, that way the kids can't accuse me of drinking their money... Also they wouldn't find out it was me who removed the stuff....

[Syzygys]

I agree whole heartedly. If you are honest with your children about life, and have open lines of communication at all times, it will serve you well.

For god's sake yes, in a perfect world. But in the real world most kids are more loyal to their friends than to their parents, so yes, when bad things happen they will lie and cover...

[Syzygys]

Sorry, that's just insulting.

It is called experience. Sure, there are teenager whom I would trust, but not these guys...

[stateofmind]

Syzygys, it sounds like you already confiscated all the stuff and made this thread seeking validation for it.

Thus if a damaged kid's parent figures out that you had previous knowledge of the secret stuff and you did nothing, you might get sued for negligence...(and I might agree with that)

How could anyone possibly figure out you had prior knowledge of the stash unless you told them?

[Liebling]

I was never like that. I think because my mother never had that 'I am God' attitude. She made boundaries where it was genuinely necessary. But she didn't act like she owned me.

That said, I never really 'did' teenagerdom in a lot of ways. I guess I was just different.

Sorry, that's just insulting. Not all of us are deranged assholes.

Nope, you are just well adjusted and were treated like an adult. You sound like your mom did it right. And I've met some wonderful young adults, you are right in saying that they are not all deranged assholes.

Just because some people believe that children inherently lie and that's just being "kids" doesn't make it so. It is that way because of how you were raised, it's part of your conditioning, and if you lie your kids will lie. It's a power trip only you can put them on. Shame and humiliation is what causes lying in children and fear too, if they fear you then they will also lie to keep from being punished. If you set reasonable punishment for things, and do not raise your voice or spank them but discuss what they did wrong instead of screaming about how bad they are or how bad their deed was, then yes... you are raising your children to lie. Children can be perfectly reasonable and take responsiblity for their actions, mine do. When my kids break something they shouldn't have been playing with, they leave it on the dining room table until I get home and we talk about it and then decide on a way to make amends in some way. But things are just things, and everything but your children can be replaced.

[Syzygys]

Syzygys, it sounds like you already confiscated all the stuff and made this thread seeking validation for it.

Not yet.

How could anyone possibly figure out you had prior knowledge of the stash unless you told them?

People talk. Even when it is against their best interest. Then they get sued.

[lucifers angel]

i would leave it and talk to them about it, i would say "i have seen you stash of stuff now please remove it to a place where no one else can find and god forbid smoke it or drink it" if they didnt then i would remove it myself and flush it all

[Orleander]

i would leave it and talk to them about it, i would say "i have seen you stash of stuff now please remove it to a place where no one else can find and god forbid smoke it or drink it" if they didnt then i would remove it myself and flush it all

god forbid someone else should drink their booze of smoke their weed?

[cosmictraveler]

god forbid someone else should drink their booze of smoke their weed?

Like your husband!