Spontaneous beads of sweat continued to erupt on the forehead of the 104-lb. acolyte of self-induced vomiting standing next to me as she, we, and several hundred others roasted in the mid-afternoon September sunshine. The line forming outside the Kresge Auditorium was growing at an increasing rate as 3:30 approached. Across the lawn in the Johnson Athletic Center, the 2008 Fall Career Fair had been packing them in for the past 5 hours or so, and now the BLESSED EVENT promised to further apply the squeegee to the overwrought minds of the denizens Massachusetts Institute of Technology quacker factory. No one was complaining, of course. As a matter of fact, we always appreciate the trigger being pulled on any of the assortment of cognitive incendiary devices which are part of the daily grind hereabouts. Any consequential cerebral rubble or shrapnel could always be extracted and swept away with a degree of nonchalance no greater than that required to annihilate unwelcome droplets of accrued perspiration. At 3:20 PM the doors to the Kresge Auditorium flung open and, upon entering the foyer, I noticed the absence of metal detectors, x-ray machines, or other screening devices. I judiciously selected a seat directly in front of the podium - in the seventh row and on the aisle. This location provided me with the opportunity to make a speedy exit in the event of an "emergency." Massachusetts Institute of Technology president Dr. Susan Hockfield marched up to the microphone and kicked off this installment of the Compton Lecture Series by uttering an introductory monologue sprinkled with the hyperbole and the usual self-congratulatory rhetoric that is so common at such assemblies. Yes, Susan, we see what you people are doing. Yes, Susan, we are cognizant of your support of this regime. And by the way, Susan, some of us weren´t born yesterday. Finally she stepped aside and the featured entertainer at the BLESSED EVENT, His Excellency Paul Kagame, president of the Republic of Rwanda, stepped up to the podium. You may know him by his other appellation, the African Hitler. For some reason the promotional literature strewn about the MIT campus in the days preceding the BLESSED EVENT prominently featured the label "His Excellency" as opposed to the aforementioned alternative designation. The irony is duly noted. Again, some of us weren´t born yesterday. What followed was an avalanche of pious propaganda and empty oratory straight out of Democratic Senator Ted Kennedy´s playbook. After yammering for much too long about how cellular telephone technology has benefitted the Republic of Rwanda, His Royal Excellency transgressed the boundaries of credulity by stating that Rwanda´s greatest natural resource is - are you ready for this - its people. I promptly burst out laughing, ejecting a fresh snot onto the exposed knee of the denim-skirt-clad Oriental seated to my left. She was delighted. I, on the other hand, was stunned by His Excellency´s audacity. Rwanda´s greatest natural resource is its people, eh? Yes, spoken like a true politician. Of course, the sobering reality of history is to be conveniently discarded. Understand that some of us weren´t born yesterday. But His Excellency was just getting warmed up. He went on to inform us that Africa is no longer a continent of violence, disease, etc., but is now a continent of opportunities. Does this guy proofread his material? "Opportunities" have always been there, the issue is why and how they have or have not been exploited. Nota bene: Rwanda's greatest natural resource is its people. Remember? Of course we can sleep peacefully tonight knowing that, according to Kagame, Africa is no longer a continent of violence, disease, etc. ROTFLMAO. And then the good news was revealed by His Most Royal Excellency. The good news, sayeth Kagame, is that what needs to be done is generally known. However, he forgot to provide the cross-references to Romans chapter 5, the book of Proverbs, and Paul the tentmaker´s speech on Mars Hill. His Most Excellent Excellency continued his shtick with the assertion that Rwanda's inability to develop its natural resources is due to limited scientific and technological progress. Obviously, all the clowns are not in the circus. During the question and answer session which followed, one of Kagame´s fellow Africans pointed out that the lack of natural resource development is NOT due to a lack of science and technology, but to incompetent governance and illiteracy. You don´t say. Another factor which was brought to His Most Gracius Excellency´s attention during the question and answer phase was Rwanda´s "high fertility rate." After reciting some discouraging statistics, Kagame suggested that the solution is education, of all things. The people, according to Kagame, must be shown how this is not sustainable. Peculiarly, Kagame did not suggest anything specific. Surely, as a former leader of the guerilla Rwandan Patriotic Front, the African Hitler would have have a robust list of alternatives. Let us not overemphasize the biological fact concerning the inability to achieve pregnancy via the intestinal wall, an option which has received considerable attention in this hallowed discussion forum. In one of the more whimsical exchanges which followed, a dialogue ensued concerning China´s recent activities in Africa. His Regal Excellency elicited a chorus of laughter from the audience by stating that Africa has fallen prey to others before China came along. Very funny. The sad fact is that Africa has fallen prey to Africa.
One question, how old is the nation of Rawanda? And who was it that decided that who was a Tusti (upper class) and who was a Hutu (Lower class)? Also, when did the Colonial powers arrive in Rawanda, and when did they leave, and what affect did the ethnic ID cards have on the population? And what role did the Roman Catholic church play in that nations colonization?
