Racial Dating Predicaments

So why is race such a big deal in relationships? I don't understand why it is. I mean honestly shouldn't "Beauty be in the eye of the beholder" ? Not the beholders parents. It completely confuses me and is completely upsetting. I personally am not calling my parents racist, but I mean to me they are.

The story is:

I am an asian guy and I am dating a black girl. Personally I see no problem in that. She is half black truthfully but nonetheless to my parents she is considered black. With that they made me break up with her 2 months into our relationship. But soon after we decided that a forced break-up over race is completely ridiculous. Ever since that point I have been lying to my mother about this because she will not budge on her point of view. And I am completely lost on what to do. I have tried talking, reasoning, yelling, and just ignoring her but nothing works. I must resort lying so we don't fight or she doesn't keep questioning my trust. Which she has a right to question but would needn't be if she just opened her mind.

I honestly really like this girl and her family has been supportive in this matter but I think they are getting impatient.

So this is more of a help line then a full discussion. And I am not completely sure how that works on this forum. So yea... any suggestions, ideas, opinions?

 

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I do not support interracial relationships, although I am not against them. However I think that, if you will have an interracial relationship, it should be with a race that is at least somewhat close to yours. Asian and black are no where near being close to each other.

 

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Tiger Woods (albeit with more to the mix) should end your argument. I mean an Asian and a black who fall in love should end it, but....

 

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ThatOneAsian247, just rember this. Its likly your parents will die before your partner

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Basically you have to make a choice, you either accept your parents domination or you ignore it and push back. Nither of these courses is easy, if you chose your partner over your parents it could well be the last time you see them and even if its not they could well make HER life hell as well as yours. But she is the one you have to sleep with and if you love her then (truly love her, not just lust her) then chose her. DONT try to have it both ways by dating her and telling your parents your not, that only delays the fight


Oh and ignore norsefire, he is our resident cave man
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Welcome to sciforums

 

No.

 

Well my mom was the same growing up. She said she would disown me if I ever dated/ married a black man. The thought of having a part black grandchildren was not something she wanted to have to even think about. There is nobody who could ever change her mind on the subject of dating your own kind. I never was in the situation to find out what she would really do. I know there would be a lot of yelling to say the least.

I am curious as to how old you are? If you are a very young then you really have no choice but to follow your parents rules unless you are prepared to live on your own.

If you are older it's a bit of a different story.

 

your right shorty, i should have taken that into acount

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How can you be attracted to black people anyway?:shrug:

No offense and I'm not trying to insult anybody

 

You could sit her down and take an approach like this:
Do you trust me?
Do you trust me to learn from my mistakes?
Do you want me to be happy?
Is it possible that I know things about what will make me happy better than you?
Have you ever done something that did not work out but that you learned from? ow do you know this isn't something like that for me?
How will I learn as an adult if you do not let me learn as a teenager (?)?
What are you afraid of?
Is it possible that what you are afraid of will not happen?
Is it possible you fears are not based on reality?

Just keep asking her questions, on and on and on. And when she answers you can ask: are you sure? Is it possible you are wrong?

Then ask more questions.

'Have you ever been wrong about something important before?'
'Did you ever do anything that you parents wish you didn't?'
'Do you want me to have a strong sense of myself and to trust myself when I make decisions'

Perhaps every now and then say quietly:

I really like/love this person and this disagreement with you makes me sad.

Keep the whole tone calm, reasonable and hide your anger - especially since you have already been expressive and it did not work.

Shake your head sadly sometimes - this should come off like maybe you feel sorry for your mother or maybe yourself.

Be relentless, but calm.

 

How can you like the music you like?

 

but before you do that you have to decide what your willing to lose, her or your mother

 

How else is that supposed to be taken as other than an insult? :bugeye:

 

Ok well I am not insulting anyone either, but personally I am not attracted to black men. They seem to be attracted to me though, go figure.

It has nothing to do with how my mother felt about it either. I just never found myself attracted to them. Everyone is attracted to something
different I guess.

 

Ignore the parents, they'll get over it.

 

not nessarly SAM.

Oh there is one other option of last resort, get her pregnant and present her to your mother as a package deal

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I"m just saying nobody I know finds black people attractive except actual black people

I'm attracted to all races except black people (mostly white and Lebanese people):shrug:

I've never found a single black woman attractive.

I'm not saying they aren't attractive but just to me and everyone I know, they aren't.

 

You can't ignore the parents if you are a minor and must live under their roof for the time being.

That is why a lot of these suggestions are pointless without knowing how old he is.

My mother would NEVER get over something like that, I can guarantee you.

 

Unfortuneately I am only 17, and am stuck for another year. Truely I like her a lot but am still to young to know the difference between... puppy love and actual love. But this sure as hell not sure what true anything is.

I just feel in general that this like point of view is horrible. And I disagree. I really don't know how to react to this.

 

shorty if she had told you not to go out with your partner (couldnt you have made him get a sympler name BTW

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) would you have chosen HIM or your parents?

 

Perhaps horrible, but it's logical.