05-27-08, 08:50 AM #1
After 37 years, Terry Wogan finally sees the Eurovision light
Minutes after the Eastern Europe bloc vote ensured Russia won this year's Eurovision Song Contest, Terry Wogan had an epiphany.
"You have to say that this is no longer a musical contest," he lamented.
Ha! Well spotted Tel.
As statements of the bleeding obvious and outrageous irony go, this was right up there with Roman Abramovich complaining there's too much money in the Premiership.
Or Jeremy Kyle pointing out The Jeremy Kyle Show is exploitative tripe.
This is the same Terry Wogan who for years has relished predicting how the politics of Eurovision will unfold.
He was at it again on Saturday watching Bosnia vote for Serbia (and vice versa) or Denmark (not in the Eastern Bloc last time I looked) awarding top marks to Sweden, Norway and Iceland.
"Now, let's see if Spain get douze points from Andorra," Tel chuckled. "Well. I'm astounded."
Seven Eastern European countries (and Israel) gave Russia maximum points.
"They want to be sure that the old oil and electricity flows through," Wogan joshed.
Eurovision has long been pointless, harmless nonsense, but even for lovers of multicultural camp, Saturday's show was a disappointment.
For a start, halfway into the voting, there was a severe danger that the best song (a half-decent tune from Greece that sounded like Madonna's approximation of Missy Elliott's Get Ur Freak On) might actually win - which would never do. The number of acts that were Completely Bonkers was also at a premium.
There were Latvian pirates and a group of Turkish Manic Street Preachers singing Deli (which, rather disappointingly, means "Crazy"). Croatia's effort was humming along nicely until a grumpy old man in a white suit and hat kept standing up and interrupting.
The best/worst was an Azerbaijan version of Robbie Williams dressed as an angel who was in a battle with the devil, prompting millions of viewers around Europe to shout, "go on Lucifer!"
The girl representing Poland was so tanned and artificial she made Caprice look like Ann Widdecombe.
"You haven't seen teats like this since The Osmonds," Wogan claimed. Or was it 'teeth'?
On the plus side, Andy Abraham - the talentless loser from The X Factor who robbed Michelle Gayle in the qualifying contest - came in last, or "equal 23rd" as the BBC put it.
"The best performance of his life," Wogan argued defiantly, after Abraham, eyes bulging, had waved his hands around with all the frantic panic of a man trying to stop the bus he was running for pulling away.
The winning entry, 'Believe', was sung by a man on his knees who was clearly very upset about something. But even though he was singing in English, it was hard to tell what.
No Western European country has won Eurovision for eight years now and probably never will again. It seems like a stitch-up but many of these countries used to be compatriots. They just like the same music.
Russia's singer, Dima Bilan has had several number ones and has Timbaland as a producer. Whereas the UK had a non-hit wonder, cruise ship-quality, former binman who had been dubiously voted through the qualifying rounds by... Terry Wogan. Very democratic eh?
Our big problem is not that everyone votes for their neighbours (Albania-Greece, Portugal-Spain, so on), it's that everyone hates us, even our neighbours. Especially our neighbours in the case of France and Germany.
Only two countries showed the UK the proper favouritism: San Marino (6 points) and Ireland (8).
"Thanks a lot Malta!" Wogan scoffed.
With his 14 votes, Abraham was a mere 258 behind the winners. "I'm afraid nobody loves the UK," said Terry sadly. "It just isn't funny any more."
It's taken him 37 years, but he's finally realised.
Our big problem is that everyone hates the UK - even our neighbours. Especially our neighbours
hasn't this been the case for years now? its not about music, its about politics, and who gets they're oil from whom!
05-27-08, 09:04 AM #2
He's getting too old to work for 10 hour stretches,
and doesn't like the idea of anyone taking his place on his program. He's trying to kill it.
Ant and Dec or Grahame Norton would do just as good a job ripping the piss out of it as he did.
I'd like to see Ant and Dec take it on.
I haven't watched it for years, but I might take a look.
05-27-08, 10:19 AM #3
05-27-08, 03:00 PM #4
Graham Norton should be shot.
A&D, I've not seen much of so can't really judge, but I strongly expect they lack they wit required!
We need someone cynical with quick-as-a-flash wits. Someone like Johnny Vaughn or Frank Skinner might be a better choice.
Better still... Paul Whitehouse!
05-27-08, 04:30 PM #5
here. My great hope is that, in the future, you'll use the term with a good deal more precision.
Last edited by redarmy11; 05-27-08 at 04:43 PM.
By THC in forum Astronomy, Exobiology, & CosmologyLast Post: 12-15-10, 09:35 PMReplies: 19
By jgjenson in forum Pseudoscience ArchiveLast Post: 04-13-08, 09:58 AMReplies: 6
By Asguard in forum World EventsLast Post: 03-02-08, 08:07 AMReplies: 23
By K.FLINT in forum Physics & MathLast Post: 02-27-08, 03:21 PMReplies: 6
By James R in forum Physics & MathLast Post: 06-13-05, 11:19 AMReplies: 141