I am going to be an Atheist Preacher

Discussion in 'Religion Archives' started by Starman, May 20, 2008.

  1. Starman Starman Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    540
    I am going to be an Atheist Preacher at my new Atheist church.

    I am going to open my doors directly across the street from the largest Christian Church in San Antonio.

    I am going to put a sign out front that reads.

    "SALE Tithes only 5%"
     
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  3. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    hahaha! "come to church, where sexism is cool!"
     
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  5. Michael 歌舞伎 Valued Senior Member

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    20,285
    You know, that could be VERY VERY funny

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
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  7. Michael 歌舞伎 Valued Senior Member

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    I wouldn't drop down to 5% though - don't low-ball to quick. Maybe start at 7.8%?
     
  8. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

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    2,267
    You could go door to door with copies of the Origin of Species

    http://youtube.com/watch?v=JOZQsuLDqBk&feature=related
     
  9. YinyangDK Registered Senior Member

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    209
    Build The church and we will join!

    All praise the Atheist.
     
  10. synthesizer-patel Sweep the leg Johnny! Valued Senior Member

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    2,267
    Can we scism in a few weeks?
     
  11. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    1,397
    man you wouldn't need low prices at all. just put 'we won't tell you what to do OR judge you for it! cos it won't matter when your dead anyway! we've got sex, drugs and gambling!'
     
  12. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

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    54,036
  13. codanblad a love of bridges Registered Senior Member

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    1,397
    dude that is so useful. i can't wait to use it on my girlfriend. she's doubted my hilarity in the past, and i think this link is going to change that FOREVER.
     
  14. Arkantos Registered Senior Member

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    142
    Atheism is quite the money maker these days.
     
  15. Mr. G reality.sys Valued Senior Member

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    5,191
    I'm an atheist.

    You're just children with cans of rhetorical spray paint.

    Grow up. Buy a vowel.
     
  16. Captain Kremmen All aboard, me Hearties! Valued Senior Member

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    12,738
    Why not not worship Richard Dawkins, who is not the son of God.
    Have pictures of him nowhere. That kind of thing.
     
  17. Starman Starman Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    540
    I like the Idea of slot machines, Texas Holdem, for the kids.

    We need a good Rock Band.

    We are going to pioneer self help groups. A ONE STEP program. We will call it
    Stop Doing Stupid Shit program or SDSS for short.
     
  18. xvortexbladex Registered Member

    Messages:
    17
    Great idea, and I was thinking about becoming a door-to-door atheist to show those jehovah's witness what it's like having annoying bastards standing at your door at 1 in the afternoon.
     
  19. Medicine*Woman Jesus: Mythstory--Not History! Valued Senior Member

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    *************
    M*W: Or, rip out the pages of a Holy Bible and call it the Wholy Bible, and leave it on the coffee table.

    Or, get dressed up on Sunday and go out to McDonald's.

    Or, go to a religious bookstore and leave atheist tracts hidden in the books.

    Or, go house-to-house on a Saturday afternoon and whomever opens the door tell them to "have a nice day," and then leave.

    Or, go to any place of worship of your choice when it's not in session, and leave atheist tracts in the pews.

    BTW, does anybody know if atheist tracts are published? I'd like to order some.

    Or, better yet, I'll draft the atheist tract and print them and I will be taking your orders soon.

    Atheists Unite!
     
  20. ronan Only Consciousness Exists Registered Senior Member

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    I think you have already a church (as an institution):
    Your gods are the well known scientists such as Einstein
    Your ONE GOD is reality
    Your priest are the medium scientists
    Your prayers are the medicine
    Your bible is books from well known scientists
    Your temples are a good place out the city maybe, in nature
    Your temples are also maybe the scientific conferences

    But if you want a church to express in other way your believes, check these links found with the keywords: atheist church ;-)
    3 churches:
    http://factschurch.com/
    http://firstchurchofatheism.com/
    http://simiantology.com/

    some articles:
    http://themoderatevoice.com/religion/ideologies/secularists/19214/the-church-of-atheism/
    http://www.wired.com/wired/archive/14.11/atheism.html
    http://nymag.com/news/features/46214/
    http://www.rationalresponders.com/church_of_atheism
    http://www.acfnewsource.org/religion/atheist_church.html
     
  21. tim840 Registered Senior Member

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    Why are you all so bitter towards Christians? :shrug:
     
  22. Medicine*Woman Jesus: Mythstory--Not History! Valued Senior Member

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    *************
    M*W: I'm sick and tired of hearing the word "bitter" from christians on this forum. Just because we don't believe the crap you do doesn't make us bitter at all. What you conceive to be "bitter" translates in christianity to:

    "unproven"
    "illogical"
    "idiotic"
    "fictional"
    "allegorical"
    "metaphorical"
    "fabulous"
    "unbelievable"

    Do you believe in the tooth fairy and Santa Claus, too?
     
  23. PsychoticEpisode It is very dry in here today Valued Senior Member

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    3,452
    My advice to all atheists: Act like it's(atheism)normal.
     

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