Tech support...

Discussion in 'Computer Science & Culture' started by cosmictraveler, May 14, 2008.

Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.
  1. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    33,264
    Dear Technical Support:

    Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that
    the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of
    space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into
    all other programs and now monitors all other system activity.
    Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing
    7.5, and Golf 3.6 were also affected. I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
    background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking
    about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife
    1.0. Please help!

    Thanks,

    Troubled User.....
    _____________________________________

    REPLY:

    Dear Troubled User:

    This is a very common problem that men complain about. Many people upgrade
    from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and
    Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by
    its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0
    and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the
    program files from the system once installed. You cannot go back to Girl-
    friend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife
    1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony/Child Support. I recommend that you keep
    Wife 1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the back-
    ground application 'Yes Dear' to alleviate software augmentation. The best
    course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE! because ultimately
    you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to
    normal anyway. Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high
    maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and
    Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2. However, be very careful how you
    use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program
    Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of
    Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and
    Diamonds 5.0!

    WARNING!!!
    DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3.
    This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible
    damage to the operating system and can delete all bank account information!
     
  2. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  3. domesticated om Stickler for details Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,277
    I think my favorite recycled "funny" that people keep reposting (beside the "blood ninja") is the "what if WW2 was an RTS game":

    --------------------------------------------

    *Hitler[AoE] has joined the game.*
    *Eisenhower has joined the game.*
    *paTTon has joined the game.*
    *Churchill has joined the game.*
    *benny-tow has joined the game.*
    *T0J0 has joined the game.*
    *Roosevelt has joined the game.*
    *Stalin has joined the game.*
    *deGaulle has joined the game.*
    Roosevelt: hey sup
    T0J0: y0
    Stalin: hi
    Churchill: hi
    Hitler[AoE]: cool, i start with panzer tanks!
    paTTon: lol more like panzy tanks
    T0JO: lol
    Roosevelt: o this fockin sucks i got a depression!
    benny-tow: haha america sux
    Stalin: hey hitler you dont fight me i dont fight u, cool?
    Hitler[AoE]; sure whatever
    Stalin: cool
    deGaulle: **** Hitler rushed some1 help
    Hitler[AoE]: lol byebye frenchy
    Roosevelt: i dont got **** to help, sry
    Churchill: wtf the luftwaffle is attacking me
    Roosevelt: get antiair guns
    Churchill: i cant afford them
    benny-tow: u n00bs know what team talk is?
    paTTon: stfu
    Roosevelt: o yah hit the navajo button guys
    deGaulle: eisenhower ur worthless come help me quick
    Eisenhower: i cant do **** til rosevelt gives me an army
    paTTon: yah hurry the fock up
    Churchill: d00d im gettin pounded
    deGaulle: this is fockin weak u guys suck
    *deGaulle has left the game.*
    Roosevelt: im gonna attack the axis k?
    benny-tow: with what? ur wheelchair?
    benny-tow: lol did u mess up ur legs AND ur head?
    Hitler[AoE]: ROFLMAO
    T0J0: lol o no america im comin 4 u
    Roosevelt: wtf! thats bullsh1t u fags im gunna kick ur asses
    T0JO: not without ur harbors u wont! lol
    Roosevelt: u little biotch ill get u
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf
    Hitler[AoE]: america hax, u had depression and now u got a huge fockin army
    Hitler[AoE]: thats bullsh1t u hacker
    Churchill: lol no more france for u hitler
    Hitler[AoE]: tojo help me!
    T0J0: wtf u want me to do, im on the other side of the world retard
    Hitler[AoE]: fine ill clear you a path
    Stalin: WTF u arsshoel! WE HAD A FoCKIN TRUCE
    Hitler[AoE]: i changed my mind lol
    benny-tow: haha
    benny-tow: hey ur losing ur guys in africa im gonna need help in italy soon sum1
    T0J0: o **** i cant help u i got my hands full
    Hitler[AoE]: im 2 busy 2 help
    Roosevelt: yah thats right ***** im comin for ya
    Stalin: church help me
    Churchill: like u helped me before? sure ill just sit here
    Stalin: dont be an arss
    Churchill: dont be a commie. oops too late
    Eisenhower: LOL
    benny-tow: hahahh oh sh1t help
    Hitler: o man ur focked
    paTTon: oh what now biotch
    Roosevelt: whos the cripple now lol
    *benny-tow has been eliminated.*
    benny-tow: lame
    Roosevelt: gj patton
    paTTon: thnx
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF eisenhower hax hes killing all my sh1t
    Hitler[AoE]: quit u hacker so u dont ruin my record
    Eisenhower: Nuts!
    benny~tow: wtf that mean?
    Eisenhower: meant to say nutsack lol finger slipped
    paTTon: coming to get u hitler u paper hanging hun cocksocker
    Stalin: rofl
    T0J0: HAHAHHAA
    Hitler[AoE]: u guys are fockin gay
    Hitler[AoE]: ur never getting in my city
    *Hitler[AoE] has been eliminated.*
    benny~tow: OMG u noob you killed yourself
    Eisenhower: ROFLOLOLOL
    Stalin: OMG LMAO!
    Hitler[AoE]: WTF i didnt click there omg this game blows
    *Hitler[AoE] has left the game*
    paTTon: hahahhah
    T0J0: WTF my teammates are n00bs
    benny~tow: shut up noob
    Roosevelt: haha wut a moron
    paTTon: wtf am i gunna do now?
    Eisenhower: yah me too
    T0J0: why dont u attack me o thats right u dont got no ships lololol
    Eisenhower: fock u
    paTTon: lemme go thru ur base commie
    Stalin: go to hell lol
    paTTon: fock this sh1t im goin afk
    Eisenhower: yah this is gay
    *Roosevelt has left the game.*
    Hitler[AoE]: wtf?
    Eisenhower: sh1t now we need some1 to join
    *tru_m4n has joined the game.*
    tru_m4n: hi all
    T0J0: hey
    Stalin: sup
    Churchill: hi
    tru_m4n: OMG OMG OMG i got all his stuff!
    tru_m4n: NUKES! HOLY **** I GOT NUKES
    Stalin: d00d gimmie some plz
    tru_m4n: no way i only got like a couple
    Stalin: omg dont be gay gimmie nuculer secrets
    T0J0: wtf is nukes?
    T0J0: holy ****holy****hoyl****!
    *T0J0 has been eliminated.*
    *The Allied team has won the game!*
    Eisenhower: awesome!
    Churchill: gg noobs no re
    T0J0: thats bull**** u fockin suck
    *T0J0 has left the game.*
    *Eisenhower has left the game.*
    Stalin: next game im not going to be on ur team, u guys didnt help me for ****
    Churchill: wutever, we didnt need ur help neway dumbarss
    tru_m4n: l8r all
    benny~tow: bye
    Churchill: l8r
    Stalin: fock u all
    tru_m4n: shut up commie lol
    *tru_m4n has left the game.*
    benny~tow: lololol u commie
    Churchill: ROFL
    Churchill: bye commie
    *Churchill has left the game.*
    *benny~tow has left the game.*
    Stalin: i hate u all fags
    *Stalin has left the game.*
    paTTon: lol no1 is left
    paTTon: weeeee i got a jeep
    *paTTon has been eliminated.*
    paTTon: o sh1t!
    *paTTon has left the game.*
     
  4. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  5. Enmos Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    43,184
  6. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
Thread Status:
Not open for further replies.

Share This Page