Admitting you had sex with your picnic table would be hard...

Discussion in 'Ethics, Morality, & Justice' started by 15ofthe19, Mar 30, 2008.

  1. 15ofthe19 35 year old virgin Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,588
    But I wonder, does the picnic table have rights? I mean, this guy is accused of committing public indecency, but I don't see anyone rushing to the defense of the table. The question must be asked: Was the table of legal age? Was there foreplay involved? So many questions remain unanswered here. And frankly, I mean, who hasn't eyed a piece of furniture around the house and possibly felt a bit of the horn? Without going into detail, I'll just say that what always stopped me was the jealousy that I knew my grill would feel if I had done this.

    Anyway:

    Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table

    Arthur Price

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!







    BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

    The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

    The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

    Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

    Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

    Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

    He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

    Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.


    http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/strange/news-article.aspx?storyid=105778
     
  2. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  3. Kadark Banned Banned

    Messages:
    3,724
    How the hell do you have sex with a picnic table? Damn man, that's low. That's the lowest of the low.
     
  4. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  5. Orleander OH JOY!!!! Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    25,817
    OK, which one of you guys is it?

    3 DVDs!? 3! How many hrs of footage is there?
     
  6. Google AdSense Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  7. 15ofthe19 35 year old virgin Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,588
    I've been watching it all weekend, and I gotta tell you, it is pretty hot stuff. Not as hot as those videos you and I made when we lived in that trailer off Route 11, but damn close.

    I mean honestly, who can blame the guy? That table was down on all four legs, just begging for some action. A man has needs....
     
  8. Syzygys As a mother, I am telling you Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    12,671
    Why? You never heard the guy screwing the dead deer on the side of the road??

    Those picnic tables can be damn hot sexy, by the way....
     
  9. Kadark Banned Banned

    Messages:
    3,724
    Hehe, heh, ahem - you didn't see a thing, okay?

    I prefer bicycles, myself. All those chains...

    mmmmmm
     
  10. Challenger78 Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    7,536
    My thoughts exactly. WTF? .
     
  11. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    I'll admit that that's a little strange, but he's in jail for having sex with his table in his own backyard? or was he in the front. Is it illegal to have sex with your own table (however you do that) if its inside your own home?
     
  12. Bells Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,270
    It's a sad sad day when a man is not free to bonk his furniture without fear of arrest.
     
  13. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    Yeah I thought it was okay to do whatever you wanted with your furniture. Just because it isn't a typical sexual encounter shoudn't make it illegal, but I guess he was indecently exposed or whatever that means.
     
  14. Syzygys As a mother, I am telling you Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    12,671
    Apparently some geeks here never seen a picnic table. There is a hole in the middle for the umbrella. Wait, don't run to the Walmart to buy one just yet!!

    The dude was filmed by the neighbour and there was a school nearby, that's why it was against the law...
     
  15. Bells Staff Member

    Messages:
    24,270
    Shouldn't the neighbour be charged with breaching the guy's privacy.. ie.. Peeping Tom laws?

     
  16. S.A.M. uniquely dreadful Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    72,825
    That guy must have been really bored. What next? Knotholes in trees?
     
  17. CutsieMarie89 Zen Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    3,485
    Is it illegal to have sex with your curtains drawn or window open? Just curious.
     
  18. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    33,264
    Only if your neighbors complain that the lighting isn't good enough to make their own home videos of the act!
     
  19. cosmictraveler Be kind to yourself always. Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    33,264
    It could have been worse, he could have used a babies high chair!

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  20. Asguard Kiss my dark side Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    23,049
    SAM and others. when i read your responces i thought whats the wierdest in animate object you have had sex with

    Like a vibrating piece of plastic? (vibrator, dildo)
    cucumber?
    banana?

    so why is this so strange?
    when women use sex toys its ok but when men do its gross?
     
  21. Syzygys As a mother, I am telling you Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    12,671
    Some people here have reading comprehension problems. Even you quoted that he WALKED OUT on the deck and screwed the table there OUTSIDE. Who the fuck has a picnic table INSIDE anyway???

    Now when you are outside of your house, you can be publicly seen. There was a similar case when a stripper was practicing OUTSIDE in her garden on a pole and it slowed down traffic and schoolbusses were passing by. So local laws can make it illegal what you do in your garden if you can be seen.

    It can be called a public nuisance...
     
  22. Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    37,884
    There's a functional difference

    Dude, there's a functional difference.

    I mean, I take your point, but ....

    Okay, so I'm talking about drugs one day with this guy I know who's about sixty. And something about sex comes up and suddenly he's trying to explain to me how, in his younger days, he once apparently tried to fuck a tree.

    Now, just work with me here. The whole American Pie movie joke wasn't especially funny to me because I was already familiar with it. At any pizza restaurant where they make the dough isn't delivered, there is a large mixing unit, usually made by the Hobart company. When all is said and done, you haul about seventy pounds of dough out of the thing and dump it in a blob on a cutting table. In every pizza restaurant, at least once, every cook I ever knew took a knife, stabbed the thing, and then waited ten seconds, after which the cut looked, well, sort of like a vagina. And, inevitably, he ... okay, every male cook I knew ... would stick two fingers into the thing and crack a joke, usually about a district manager.

    Point being, the apple pie is so warm or whatever. The pizza dough is soft. The tree? Ow-fucking-ouch! God damn, what? I mean, now that is fucking high.

    So there are a lot of things I can imagine trying to have sex with. But there are a few prerequisites. A round metal table just doesn't quite suffice.

    And there's one other thing ... I want you to think about this for a moment.

    Carrots aren't the best thing to insert into yourself. Their texture isn't quite right. Cucumbers ... you know, I'm pretty sure I have, but I really don't remember. Ice ... now that is an interesting sensation. A piece of glass two and a half inches across; talk about unforgiving. But it was smooth, and that's important. Bullet vibrators are smooth and well-shaped, clitoral vibrators aren't always good for insertion. Dildos are, well, appropriately soft.

    Now then, a round metal table. You're familiar with these, right? They have a hole in the center. This is a bit different from sticking a soft piece of plastic inside yourself. Typically, that hole in the table does not lead to a soft latex sleeve. So depending on the table, I think the first thing to some people's minds is sharp and hard. Insert penis (A) into metal hole (B). It's not a general thing about sex toys. And if it is, it's just homophobia or, in the case of pussy in a can, creepy prudishness. But even if it's pussy in a can, come on ... don't tell me you can't figure the difference.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

    _____________________

    Notes:

    WTOL.com. "Bellevue man facing charges for having sex with a table". March 28, 2008. http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=8082496
     
    Last edited: Mar 30, 2008
  23. Avatar smoking revolver Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    19,083

Share This Page