Admitting you had sex with your picnic table would be hard...

**15ofthe19** · 03-29-08, 08:34 PM

But I wonder, does the picnic table have rights? I mean, this guy is accused of committing public indecency, but I don't see anyone rushing to the defense of the table. The question must be asked: Was the table of legal age? Was there foreplay involved? So many questions remain unanswered here. And frankly, I mean, who hasn't eyed a piece of furniture around the house and possibly felt a bit of the horn? Without going into detail, I'll just say that what always stopped me was the jealousy that I knew my grill would feel if I had done this.

Anyway:

Man Caught Having Sex with a Picnic Table

Arthur Price

BELLEVUE, OH -- A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

The investigation began when a tipster gave police three DVDs showing Arthur Price having sexual intercourse with a metal round table on his deck.

The incidents occurred between January and March 2008.

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

Police say Price lives near an elementary school.

Price admitted that he had sex with the picnic table when police questioned him.

He confirmed to police the incidents caught on the DVDs and said he had also had sex with the table inside the home.

Price faces four counts of public indecency. He is free on a $20,000 bond.

http://www.firstcoastnews.com/news/s...storyid=105778

**~~Kadark~~** · 03-29-08, 08:45 PM

How the hell do you have sex with a picnic table? Damn man, that's low. That's the lowest of the low.

**Orleander** · 03-29-08, 08:52 PM

OK, which one of you guys is it?

3 DVDs!? 3! How many hrs of footage is there?

**15ofthe19** · 03-29-08, 09:07 PM

Originally Posted by Orleander

OK, which one of you guys is it?

3 DVDs!? 3! How many hrs of footage is there?

I've been watching it all weekend, and I gotta tell you, it is pretty hot stuff. Not as hot as those videos you and I made when we lived in that trailer off Route 11, but damn close.

I mean honestly, who can blame the guy? That table was down on all four legs, just begging for some action. A man has needs....

**Syzygys** · 03-29-08, 09:31 PM

Originally Posted by Kadark

How the hell do you have sex with a picnic table? Damn man, that's low. That's the lowest of the low.

Why? You never heard the guy screwing the dead deer on the side of the road??

Those picnic tables can be damn hot sexy, by the way....

**~~Kadark~~** · 03-29-08, 09:39 PM

Why? You never heard the guy screwing the dead deer on the side of the road??

Hehe, heh, ahem - you didn't see a thing, okay?

Those picnic tables can be damn hot sexy, by the way....

I prefer bicycles, myself. All those chains...

mmmmmm

**Challenger78** · 03-29-08, 09:59 PM

Originally Posted by Kadark

How the hell do you have sex with a picnic table? Damn man, that's low. That's the lowest of the low.

My thoughts exactly. WTF? .

**CutsieMarie89** · 03-29-08, 10:56 PM

I'll admit that that's a little strange, but he's in jail for having sex with his table in his own backyard? or was he in the front. Is it illegal to have sex with your own table (however you do that) if its inside your own home?

**Bells** · 03-29-08, 11:07 PM

It's a sad sad day when a man is not free to bonk his furniture without fear of arrest.

**CutsieMarie89** · 03-29-08, 11:11 PM

Yeah I thought it was okay to do whatever you wanted with your furniture. Just because it isn't a typical sexual encounter shoudn't make it illegal, but I guess he was indecently exposed or whatever that means.

**Syzygys** · 03-29-08, 11:16 PM

Apparently some geeks here never seen a picnic table. There is a hole in the middle for the umbrella. Wait, don't run to the Walmart to buy one just yet!!

The dude was filmed by the neighbour and there was a school nearby, that's why it was against the law...

**Bells** · 03-29-08, 11:20 PM

Originally Posted by Syzygys

Apparently some geeks here never seen a picnic table. There is a hole in the middle for the umbrella. Wait, don't run to the Walmart to buy one just yet!!

The dude was filmed by the neighbour and there was a school nearby, that's why it was against the law...

Shouldn't the neighbour be charged with breaching the guy's privacy.. ie.. Peeping Tom laws?

Police say the DVDs show Price involved in a sex act in his bedroom. He walks out to his deck, tilts the table on its side and has sex with it.

**S.A.M.** · 03-29-08, 11:50 PM

That guy must have been really bored. What next? Knotholes in trees?

**CutsieMarie89** · 03-30-08, 12:45 AM

Is it illegal to have sex with your curtains drawn or window open? Just curious.

**cosmictraveler** · 03-30-08, 06:50 AM

Originally Posted by CutsieMarie89

Is it illegal to have sex with your curtains drawn or window open? Just curious.

Only if your neighbors complain that the lighting isn't good enough to make their own home videos of the act!

**cosmictraveler** · 03-30-08, 06:51 AM

A man in central Ohio is accused of having sex with his picnic table.

It could have been worse, he could have used a babies high chair!

**Asguard** · 03-30-08, 06:53 AM

SAM and others. when i read your responces i thought whats the wierdest in animate object you have had sex with

Like a vibrating piece of plastic? (vibrator, dildo)
cucumber?
banana?

so why is this so strange?
when women use sex toys its ok but when men do its gross?

**Syzygys** · 03-30-08, 08:25 AM

Originally Posted by Bells

Shouldn't the neighbour be charged with breaching the guy's privacy.. ie.. Peeping Tom laws?

Some people here have reading comprehension problems. Even you quoted that he WALKED OUT on the deck and screwed the table there OUTSIDE. Who the fuck has a picnic table INSIDE anyway???

Now when you are outside of your house, you can be publicly seen. There was a similar case when a stripper was practicing OUTSIDE in her garden on a pole and it slowed down traffic and schoolbusses were passing by. So local laws can make it illegal what you do in your garden if you can be seen.

It can be called a public nuisance...

**Tiassa** · 03-30-08, 08:46 AM

Originally Posted by Asguard

Like a vibrating piece of plastic? (vibrator, dildo)
cucumber?
banana?

so why is this so strange?
when women use sex toys its ok but when men do its gross?

Dude, there's a functional difference.

I mean, I take your point, but ....

Okay, so I'm talking about drugs one day with this guy I know who's about sixty. And something about sex comes up and suddenly he's trying to explain to me how, in his younger days, he once apparently tried to fuck a tree.

Now, just work with me here. The whole American Pie movie joke wasn't especially funny to me because I was already familiar with it. At any pizza restaurant where they make the dough isn't delivered, there is a large mixing unit, usually made by the Hobart company. When all is said and done, you haul about seventy pounds of dough out of the thing and dump it in a blob on a cutting table. In every pizza restaurant, at least once, every cook I ever knew took a knife, stabbed the thing, and then waited ten seconds, after which the cut looked, well, sort of like a vagina. And, inevitably, he ... okay, every male cook I knew ... would stick two fingers into the thing and crack a joke, usually about a district manager.

Point being, the apple pie is so warm or whatever. The pizza dough is soft. The tree? Ow-fucking-ouch! God damn, what? I mean, now that is fucking high.

So there are a lot of things I can imagine trying to have sex with. But there are a few prerequisites. A round metal table just doesn't quite suffice.

And there's one other thing ... I want you to think about this for a moment.

Carrots aren't the best thing to insert into yourself. Their texture isn't quite right. Cucumbers ... you know, I'm pretty sure I have, but I really don't remember. Ice ... now that is an interesting sensation. A piece of glass two and a half inches across; talk about unforgiving. But it was smooth, and that's important. Bullet vibrators are smooth and well-shaped, clitoral vibrators aren't always good for insertion. Dildos are, well, appropriately soft.

Now then, a round metal table. You're familiar with these, right? They have a hole in the center. This is a bit different from sticking a soft piece of plastic inside yourself. Typically, that hole in the table does not lead to a soft latex sleeve. So depending on the table, I think the first thing to some people's minds is sharp and hard. Insert penis (A) into metal hole (B). It's not a general thing about sex toys. And if it is, it's just homophobia or, in the case of pussy in a can, creepy prudishness. But even if it's pussy in a can, come on ... don't tell me you can't figure the difference.

"The first video we had, he was completely nude. He would use the hole from the umbrella and have sex with the table," Johnson says.

(WTOL.com)

_____________________

Notes:

WTOL.com. "Bellevue man facing charges for having sex with a table". March 28, 2008. http://www.wtol.com/Global/story.asp?S=8082496