Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

Discussion in 'Religion Archives' started by kmguru, Jan 2, 2008.

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  1. kmguru

    kmguru Staff Member

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    Just got this in the mail...it is funny...hope I am not offending anyone.

    Top Ten Signs You're a Fundamentalist Christian

    10 - You vigorously deny the existence of thousands of gods claimed by other religions, but feel outraged when someone denies the existence of yours.

    9 - You feel insulted and "dehumanized" when scientists say that people evolved from other life forms, but you have no problem with the Biblical claim that we were created from dirt.

    8 - You laugh at polytheists, but you have no problem believing in a Triune God.

    7 - Your face turns purple when you hear of the "atrocities" attributed to Allah, but you don't even flinch when hearing about how God/Jehovah slaughtered all the babies of Egypt in "Exodus" and ordered the elimination of entire ethnic groups in "Joshua" including women, children, and trees!

    6 - You laugh at Hindu beliefs that deify humans, and Greek claims about gods sleeping with women, but you have no problem believing that the Holy Spirit impregnated Mary, who then gave birth to a man-god who got killed, came back to life and then ascended into the sky.

    5 - You are willing to spend your life looking for little loopholes in the scientifically established age of Earth (few billion years), but you find nothing wrong with believing dates recorded by Bronze Age tribesmen sitting in their tents and guessing that Earth is a few generations old.

    4 - You believe that the entire population of this planet with the exception of those who share your beliefs -- though excluding those in all rival sects - will spend Eternity in an infinite Hell of Suffering. And yet consider your religion the most "tolerant" and "loving."


    3 - While modern science, history, geology, biology, and physics have failed to convince you otherwise, some idiot rolling around on the floor speaking in "tongues" may be all the evidence you need to "prove" Christianity.

    2 - You define 0.01% as a "high success rate" when it comes to answered prayers. You consider that to be evidence that prayer works. And you think that the remaining 99.99% FAILURE was simply the will of God.

    1 - You actually know a lot less than many atheists and agnostics do about the Bible, Christianity, and church history - but still call yourself a Christian.
     
    kmguru, Jan 2, 2008
    #1

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  3. Revolvr

    Revolvr Registered Senior Member

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    Of course you mean to insult people. It gives your flesh pleasure.

    There is only one difference between this post, and the "If I were Satan" post. This one condemns Christianity. The other was a hypothetical exercise that condemned no specific religion. But the moderator, as evangelical in his hatred as any religious zealot, will let this post stand and block the other.

    Were the bible simply a book of stories it would have died out long ago with other pagan religions. Why is it stronger now? Because it changes people for the better. People believe it because they are changed by it.

    Want to see the fruits of atheism? Just look at any grocery store tabloid. Greed, lust, pride, gluttony, drugs, DUI, boob jobs, abortion, you name it. Thanks so much for your contribution to society.

    I prefer an alternative course.
     
    Revolvr, Jan 2, 2008
    #2

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  5. Nutter

    Nutter Shake it loose, baby! Registered Senior Member

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    Nutter, Jan 2, 2008
    #3

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  7. Bells

    Bells Staff Member

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    Number 3 made me LoL.. literally.
     
    Bells, Jan 2, 2008
    #4
  8. kmguru

    kmguru Staff Member

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    Yes they are and now we are on a thousand year religious war that just started with Al-Queda at the helm!
     
    kmguru, Jan 2, 2008
    #5
  9. [a-5]

    [a-5] Sex machine, coin operated. Registered Senior Member

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    I laughed at #3 and #1.
     
    [a-5], Jan 2, 2008
    #6
  10. Revolvr

    Revolvr Registered Senior Member

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    You are correct and you'd better take it seriously. But, umm, OBL isn't a Christian.

    Though he does hate atheists - he just has a penchant for lopping their heads off.
     
    Revolvr, Jan 2, 2008
    #7
  11. kmguru

    kmguru Staff Member

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    The post (#1) came via a friend whose wife was driving to the next state over the holidays. When a rock hit the windshield of her 7 series BMW and cracked it, she called the husband and said as soon as she reaches her destination, she will pray God and annoint the car. I thought that was wonderful. Then she said, God will join the glass with His almighty power.
     
    kmguru, Jan 2, 2008
    #8
  12. Tiassa

    Tiassa Let us not launch the boat ... Valued Senior Member

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    I would just ask, as a general question—and not just aimed at you, Nutter—if anyone else perceives a difference between the two lists?

    My basic reasons are provided below the line (just highlight that space), but if you're a good sport, please be so kind as to answer without that influence. (Thank ye.)
    ____________________

    It seems to me that "Top Ten Lists" are a cultural icon, at least among Americans, to the point that people will frequently spend a few minutes composing one as a joke to share with friends. However, the 281 reasons thus far compiled are incredibly specific (Scotsmen and sugar?) and organized according to classifications (origins, contemporary events, existence of God, &c.). This seems to me a bit obsessive and even mean-spirited. To the other, the most part of humor is exploitation. However, to take every question that theists cannot answer about their own faith and transform it into a reason to indict their neighbors in a petty attempt to spread the stain of fundamentalism onto others is just sad. To me, the difference is the determination and mean spirit. Notice, for instance, that the list mentions Joshua, but not Saul and Samuel, in which case God stripped a king of his office for failing to carry out a genocide.

    Quite obviously, whoever wrote the top-ten list wasn't putting that much effort into it. Heaven help us, so to speak, if a disgruntled theologian actually comes up with such a list, which would be so obscure as to make our eyes bleed.
     
    Tiassa, Jan 2, 2008
    #9
  13. lightgigantic

    lightgigantic Banned Banned

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    I laughed at

    #9
    # You spend hours arguing that a-theism actually means "without a belief in God " and not just " belief that there is no god" as if this is a meaningful distinction in real life.

    and

    #126

    # When a group of Sydney University (Australia) academics, including a historian, sign a public statement saying the Jesus Christ is "one of the great figures of history" and that his claims to be Son of God "bear up under closest scrutiny", this is a gross abuse of their position. But when Richard Dawkins uses his position as an Oxford professor to pontificate on his atheistic religion and related philosophical matters outside HIS field (animal behavior), that is a responsible use of academic freedom.

    they were all pretty good though

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    lightgigantic, Jan 2, 2008
    #10
  14. iceaura

    iceaura Valued Senior Member

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    That kind of quote should ahve a place on kmg's list, somewhere.
    Hmmm. May I use selections of them, then, as representative examples of theistic views of atheism, reasoning, and sense of humor ?

    Perhaps I'd better restrict my future ascriptions to "fundie Christian" jokes. No sense impugning the Zoroastrians.
     
    Last edited: Jan 2, 2008
    iceaura, Jan 2, 2008
    #11
  15. kmguru

    kmguru Staff Member

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    Sorry, I do not have a list yet. I normally do not visit Religion section because, it is mostly Christians fighting against other Christians among the more than 38,000 denominations (ref: wikipedia). One side it is the fundamental Christians and the otherside it is anyone of the other denominations that try to pass of as Atheists so that they can fight.

    True Christians know what Jesus taught and try to live by it and not argue about it. Same for a large number of devout Muslims and the essence of the teachings of Mohammed. It is the quality of life and personal salvation that matters.

    On the otherhand fundamentalists in any religion are the kind that try to hijack the religion for Nazi like supremacy. Today we have Christian and Muslim fundamentalists and in about 20 years we will have Hindu fundamentalists (a billion people!) that is now at seedling state. And in another 30 years, we will have a Buddhist fundamentalist resurrection when China asserts its power.

    I am hoping that this sub-forum should be used to bring up what happens when Fundamentalists collide with their respective powerbases.
     
    kmguru, Jan 2, 2008
    #12
  16. Revolvr

    Revolvr Registered Senior Member

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    Thanks Nutter! Great list. Much of it could have been complied by watching this forum. Maybe next time I get in an argument here I'll just quote the numbers!
     
    Revolvr, Jan 2, 2008
    #13
  17. pjdude1219

    pjdude1219 The biscuit has risen Valued Senior Member

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    pjdude1219, Jan 2, 2008
    #14
  18. KennyJC

    KennyJC Registered Senior Member

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    I would very much like to see what 'close scrutiny' can verify whether or not someone is an offspring of the creator of the universe?
     
    KennyJC, Jan 2, 2008
    #15
  19. Incriminating Convoy

    Incriminating Convoy Registered Member

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    From this list it seems that I have a few family members in the fundamentalist Christian list (according to an atheist)
     
    Incriminating Convoy, Jan 2, 2008
    #16
  20. KennyJC

    KennyJC Registered Senior Member

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    KennyJC, Jan 2, 2008
    #17
  21. SkinWalker

    SkinWalker Archaeology / Anthropology Moderator

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    The respondents to this thread who happen to carry a delusion about religious superstition were correct. This isn't the forum for to incite hatred between religions and proclaiming "my religion is better than yours."

    Thread is closed. If someone has a compelling reason to keep it open, please PM me. Otherwise I flush it in 24 hrs.
     
    SkinWalker, Jan 2, 2008
    #18
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