Real Jokes by Nurses and Doctors

[Reiku]

Well, hit me where the wind blows, these are good :-)

Body: 1. A man comes into the ER and yells, "My wife's going

to have her baby in the cab!" I grabbed my stuff,

rushed out to the cab, lifted the lady's dress, and

began to take off her underwear. Suddenly, I noticed

that there were several cabs -- and I was in the wrong

one.



Submitted by Dr. Mark MacDonald, San Antonio , TX .



2. At the beginning of my shift, I placed a

stethoscope on an elderly and slightly deaf female

patient's anterior chest wall. "Big breaths," I

instructed. "Yes, they used to be," replied the

patient.



Submitted by Dr. Richard Byrnes, Seattle , WA



3. One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I

told a wife that her husband had died of a massive

myocardial infarct. Not more than five minutes later,

I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that

he had died of a "massive internal fart."



Submitted by Dr. Susan Steinberg



4. During a patient's two week follow-up appointment

with his cardiologist, he informed me, his doctor,

that he was having trouble with one of his

medications. "Which one?" I asked. "The patch, the

nurse told me to put on a new one every six hours, and

now I'm running out of places to put it!" I had him

quickly undress, and discovered what I hoped I

wouldn't see. Yes, the man had over fifty patches on

his body! Now, the instructions include removal of the

old patch before applying a new one.



Submitted by Dr. Rebecca St. Clair, Norfolk , VA


5. While acquainting myself with a new elderly

patient, I asked, "How long have you been bedridden?"

After a look of complete confusion, she

answered..."Why, not for about twenty years -- when my

husband was alive."



Submitted by Dr. Steven Swanson, Corvallis , OR


6. I was caring for a woman and asked, "So, how's your

breakfast this morning?" "It's very good, except for

the Kentucky Jelly. I can't seem to get used to the

taste," the patient replied. I then asked to see the

jelly, and the woman produced a foil packet labeled

"KY Jelly."



Submitted by Dr. Leonard Kransdorf, Detroit , MI



7. A nurse was on duty in the emergency room when a

young woman with purple hair styled into a punk rocker

mohawk, sporting a variety of tattoos, and wearing

strange clothing, entered. It was quickly determined

that the patient had acute appendicitis, so she was

scheduled for immediate surgery. When she was

completely disrobed on the operating table, the staff

noticed that her pubic hair had been dyed green, and

above it there was a tattoo that read, "Keep off the

grass." Once the surgery was completed, the surgeon

wrote a short note on the patient's dressing, which

said, "Sorry, had to mow the lawn."



Submitted by RN, no name



AND FINALLY!!!............



8. As a new, young MD doing his residency in OB , I was

quite embarrassed when performing female pelvic exams.

To cover my embarrassment, I had unconsciously formed

a habit of whistling softly. The middle-aged lady upon

whom I was performing this exam suddenly burst out

laughing and further embarrassing me. I looked up from

my work and sheepishly said, "I'm sorry. Was I

tickling you?" She replied, "No doctor, but the song

you were whistling was, "I wish I was an Oscar Meyer

Wiener."

[Gondolin]

HAHA! The last one really got me!

[Reiku]

:-) It was the KY jelly one and the first that really got me... i could just picture it.

[Reiku]

Here is a REAL ad in the paper.

>>>SINGLE BLACK FEMALE seeks male companionship, ethnicity unimportant. I'm>>>a very good girl who LOVES to play. I love long walks in the woods,>>>riding in your car (whatever make or model, not fussy), hunting, camping>>>and fishing trips, cozy winter nights lying by the fire. Candlelight>>>dinners will have me eating out of your hand. I'll be at the front door>>>when you get home from work, wearing only what nature gave me.>>>>>>Call 07898 342547 and ask for Daisy, I'll be waiting....>>>>>>Please scroll down . .>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> >>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>Over 15,000 men found themselves talking to the R.S.P.C.A. about an>>>8-week-old black Labrador retriever This has to be one of the best>>>singles ads ever printed.

[Nickelodeon]

I'd take the Labrador.

[Plazma Inferno!]

'Big breaths' for teh win!

[Reiku]

:-)