Justice: For an unwed father to an unbornchild.

I have a concern. My girlfriend is 6 weeks pregnant and our communication level is at an all time 0. I am worried about my rights as an unwed father to an unborn child. I fear my girlfriend and I won't last and she isn't talking to me. She is clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality, history of self assault, she doesn't work, she relies solely on government aid, she's 23 years old and already been married and divorced, she's a pretty girl, but she also has scoliosis and plantar's fasciitis. I have none of these, and I work, healthy condition, no police record etc. I'm in good standing. Does anyone have good legal advice? Does anyone here know anything about the rights I have? Just in case our relationship doesn't work out, does anyone know what kind of chance I have on the custody of the child? Please, before anyone answers, take a look at the validity of the advice you will give.

 

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...are u sure she hasn't aborted?

 

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Depends on where you're at. In Washington state, for instance, the law presumes on behalf of the mother. Such disparities are leveling out over time, but the only good legal advice you're going to find will originate within the applicable jurisdiction.

At six weeks, you can't prove paternity. Take the first opportunity you get to do so, else you might have to ask the courts to order that test. After that, yeah ... you'll need advice within the applicable jurisdiction.

 

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Why would you want a child who might have all of those diseases and problems?

And I suppose I just have to ask ....why in hell did you get yourself tangled up with a girl with such horrendous problems? Were you really that desperate?

Baron Max

 

What country are you from? In the US:

Assuming you are the father... Odds are that she'll get full custody if she wants it and she's not an unfit mother (what you noted about her would probably not be enough for her to be deemed unfit by law), in which case she'll be entitled to get child support payments from you. If those payments are set by a court, they'll likely be determined as a percentage of your current salary. You can get visitation rights even if she doesn't want you to.

If you don't want to be in the child's life, I suggest you get a paternity test as soon as allowed. If you are the father, then I suggest you be in the child's life and do the best you can at that, because that's what's fair to the child. If you are not the father and you are in the child's life, be aware that you can become legally financially responsible for the child that way.

 

and start wearing a condem

 

Zanket, "She is clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality, history of self assault, she doesn't work, she relies solely on government aid, she's 23 years old and already been married and divorced, she's a pretty girl, but she also has scoliosis and plantar's fasciitis." and also she's been labeled "unstable"...you don't think that's enough for "unfit."???

Yes, its true that child support will more than likely be granted but with 50/50 joint custody, it should be reduced. If my girlfriend says she doesn't promote the bond of the father and baby relationship, should would be violating the "friendly parental provision act" and she can lose custody that way. I'm in the state of California so I hear that the court system strongly believes in the value of fatherhood.

The baby is mine, there's no question there. I just have to sign the birth certificate, but I hear there is a way I can have that certificate signed before birth just in case I am misinformed of the babys birth day.

Does anyone know anything about that??

also baron max.. I fell in love with her...she looks like an angel, beautiful...she can be as sweet as candy...when I found out about all of her issues, I told her I was going to help her get over these things, but she's acting like she doesn't want my help anymore so...what can I do??

 

Hey!! I just said wear a condom.

I think you were talking to zanket.

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Zanket, "She is clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality, history of self assault, she doesn't work, she relies solely on government aid, she's 23 years old and already been married and divorced, she's a pretty girl, but she also has scoliosis and plantar's fasciitis." and also she's been labeled "unstable"...you don't think that's enough for "unfit."???

Yes, its true that child support will more than likely be granted but with 50/50 joint custody, it should be reduced. If my girlfriend says she doesn't promote the bond of the father and baby relationship, should would be violating the "friendly parental provision act" and she can lose custody that way. I'm in the state of California so I hear that the court system strongly believes in the value of fatherhood.

The baby is mine, there's no question there. I just have to sign the birth certificate, but I hear there is a way I can have that certificate signed before birth just in case I am misinformed of the babys birth day.

Does anyone know anything about that??

also baron max.. I fell in love with her...she looks like an angel, beautiful...she can be as sweet as candy...when I found out about all of her issues, I told her I was going to help her get over these things, but she's acting like she doesn't want my help anymore so...what can I do??

 

Zanket, "She is clinically diagnosed with depression, anxiety, borderline personality, history of self assault, she doesn't work, she relies solely on government aid, she's 23 years old and already been married and divorced, she's a pretty girl, but she also has scoliosis and plantar's fasciitis." and also she's been labeled "unstable"...you don't think that's enough for "unfit."???

Yes, its true that child support will more than likely be granted but with 50/50 joint custody, it should be reduced. If my girlfriend says she doesn't promote the bond of the father and baby relationship, should would be violating the "friendly parental provision act" and she can lose custody that way. I'm in the state of California so I hear that the court system strongly believes in the value of fatherhood.

The baby is mine, there's no question there. I just have to sign the birth certificate, but I hear there is a way I can have that certificate signed before birth just in case I am misinformed of the babys birth day.

Does anyone know anything about that??

also baron max..I fell in love with her...she looks like an angel, beautiful...she can be as sweet as candy...when I found out about all of her issues, I told her I was going to help her get over these things, but she's acting like she doesn't want my help anymore so...what can I do??

 

Probably not. Certainly her scoliosis, plantar fasciitis, divorce, age, and reliance on government aid would have no bearing on her fitness to mother. Her other issues would probably have no bearing on initially attaining full custody, and she’d probably retain that unless she physically abuses the child. Her not working would probably help her attain full custody, since she could stay home all day with the child. Suppose she lay on the couch all day getting fat on government cheese and yelling at her kid, whereas you are a model father. She’d probably still get full custody if she wanted it. Sadly, that’s just the way it is in the US.

Yes, but 50/50 custody is rarely granted. Think, when the child goes to school, he or she will need to be at one home for 5/7 of the week, unless you live near the mom. And even if you do live near the mom, the courts would not want to risk you moving away and having the kid being constantly shuttled all over town.

Yes, she would need to honor your visitation rights. In court you’d probably be granted one weekend every two weeks and some hours during the weekdays.

I recommend caution before you legally commit to being the father. Lots of men have been positive the baby was theirs when it wasn’t. There was a DNA study done in England of a large number of married families. Turns out that 8% of the children weren’t the husband’s!

Keep in mind that a pregnant woman’s hormonal changes, and just the expectation of motherhood and all that entails, can make them act a lot different.

I think you may be overreacting on the quality of this girl. For example, there’s nothing necessarily wrong with being divorced at 23. Perhaps when her hormones settle down you two can work out your problems. It wouldn’t hurt to give her plenty of support without expecting anything in return, and it could be hugely to your benefit if you are the father. People can change a lot during their 20s.

 

Her scoliosis and plantar fasciitis is direct proof that she may not be at the best physically fit to take care of the baby. Her feet and back hurts her to the point where shes not able to do much. Her not working proves inadequate moneys to take care of the baby. This is all proof of instablity which is in conflict of "best interest" of the child. Not to mention her depression, her anxiety, and her borderline personality.

50/50 custudy does not mean 50% of "time." It really refers to the vicinity of where she is allowed to move with the baby. It also grants me visitation rights that cannot be violated.

I'd also fight for legal custody in which I will have a say in the school my baby goes to, the religion the baby resides in, the name it will carry, legal matters, etc.

well, something is better than nothing. But I'd definitely fight for more time.

True, I guess no one can be undoubtedly trusted. But I hear blood tests have to be approved by the mother also. Well, how can I find out if its my baby if I don't have the permission? Are there court orders for this situation?

You're not kiddin'. I feel like I'm dealin' with a whole different person. I'ma wait out the first two trimesters and see where we stand afterwards, but for now we haven't talked for a few days. All I ever tell her is that I'll be there for her and the baby. Whats wrong with that? I think her depression pill aren't working due to the rise in chemical hormones???

I can only pray for that...

I think with all thats going on, I wouldn't be outta line pleaing for full custody myself..

I hear that the custody of the child usually goes to the parent that are most liberal with visitation time. I definitely wouldn't have a problem with my girlfriend visiting alot. She'd be able to see the baby anytime. I guess that's a plus.

Do you have any court strategies to winning a battle like this over (on my side)??

 

In a perfect world maybe. But in the country we live in, I think she could have one foot in a mental institution and still get full custody.

Never heard of that, but I’m no expert.

You can’t be held responsible as the father unless a paternity test shows that you’re the father, if you demand the test. So if it comes down to that, you’ll be sent some letter that tells you how to demand the test. Men don’t just get their wages garnished for child support without a chance to contest paternity, thankfully. You’d want to keep tabs on the process though. One guy I read about started having his wages garnished because the paternity letter was sent to an old address. Soon thereafter he had a paternity test done that showed he wasn’t the father, and the mom even agrees, but the courts tell him too bad, he waited too long to contest paternity so he’s the legal father now. This started happening years after he stopped dating the woman; he didn’t even know she was pregnant.

Nothing’s wrong with that of course. Just don’t expect a rational response from her. If you want to retain a relationship with her, I suggest you keep in contact as much as she allows. Be nothing but supportive regardless of her response.

Just don’t mention any custody battle with her, or else you’ll increase the odds of getting one. Let that dog lie until you’re absolutely positive you need to go that route, which won’t be until after the birth. Even if things between you two stay distant until the birth, after the birth she’ll need help, and that might make her more amenable to reconciliation.

I suggest you check out a forum that is dedicated to father’s rights. Should be short work to google for one. I think you’ll find that your odds of winning custody is slim, regardless of your circumstances. Whatever negativity you read on such a forum, don’t let it affect the unconditional support you give her now. Just keep the info in mind for now.

 

Yes I kno, but I was really just stating a fact.

True, I'm just going to ride it out.

Mention a custody battle? c'mon, I'm smarter than that.

Most the people on those forums are misinformed, don't know enough of their legal rights, took an active approach too late, are in another state, misguided in turn give misguiding information, took the wrong routes for satisfaction, etc. full custody will be a harder issue, but 50/50 custody will be easy. Guided by a good lawyer, this case will be cake. Why would you THINK winning custody is slim? What personal experience have you had accredited to your name that you can use that concept so freely? I've talked to many lawyers stating my situation, they have told me differently than what you have said. I've talked to friends (women) who have dealt with these matters before PERSONALLY, and they told me quite the contrary on what you have said.

What are you motivated by?

 

Talk to a lawyer as soon as possible. It is just like going to a docter about that strange lump. The sooner you go the better the odds for a favorable outcome your way. You can not rely on any of our advice law is way to complicated. Knowing what your odds, rights and plan of action will help cut out your worries and might save you and this child a lot of sorrow. Talk to the lawyer for the child as well as yourself it will be the best money you have ever spent. Now for the good news SOME women go insane when they are pregnant. There are some massive hormonal and sleep deprivation issues going on. She may settle down as pregnancy proceeds. If she does you have wasted some money ooooops. If she does not you will be in a much better position to get custody if you can do whatever the lawyer tells you to do

 

The basis is what I've read and some experiences of people in my life. Lawyers tell prospective clients what they want to hear so they can get retained. Even if they knew you had little or no chance they'd have the incentive to tell you otherwise. I wouldn't trust them nearly as much as fathers in father's rights forums. Look for lawyers in those forums, or in legal advice forums, in which case they have no incentive to mislead you.

A person in my life married a complete bitch and had his first child with her, her third by the third father. Her m.o. was getting married, having a child, immediately divorcing and getting child support thereafter. They had just bought a house too. One day out of the blue he got served with divorce papers wherein she demanded that he make the full payments on the house indefinitely and have no contact with her or the child. She had changed the locks on the house. He had to fight hard and spend $$$ to get every-other-weekend visitation, and if he doesn’t get the kid back on Sunday by 7pm sharp she calls the cops. She was pissed that she didn’t get to keep the house with him making the payments! When they went to court she had a criminal record from once falsely accusing him of throwing her out of a second story window—she confessed that she jumped to frame him—and not even that swayed the judge from awarding her full custody. Maybe it’s just an outlier example, but from what I’ve seen in articles where fathers march in protest of the injustice, it’s par, sorry to say.

 

I would say she being married and divorced within the same year is a direct reflection of her instability.

That's all I want to do is be there for the baby, finacially, physically, mentally, soulfully, etc.

You know I was thinking that since the courts act on "best interest" of the child, than wouldn't the more mentally and financially fit parent be granted custody since it would be in the "best interest" of child. I hope that IF we go to court the psychiatist deem the act of self-harm as evident proof that the baby maybe in harm, thats logical isn't it, considering that she was "cutting" not less than a couple of months ago. How can she care for a child fulltime if she can't care for herself?

If I had full custody I wouldn't try to deny the mother of the child of her visitation rights. I would work out a schedule in something along the lines of the mother watches her while I'm working and when I get back I get our baby. That would brake down to a 65%percent of time with me and 35% of time with her. Mind you this is just an unrefined idea of schedule.

If the mother was not in her condition I would not apply for full custody whereas she could sufficiently and properly take care of the child and be able to give it the love it needs. I would fear for wellbeing of the child. I fear mentally she could break down and do something irrational to endanger our child. The analogy of car and care isn't the best of analogy for the disabled will hire someone to wash the car, change the oil, and in some cases even pump the gas, etc. She doesn't have anyone full time to do those things for her and the baby. Her depression has always been there but shes taking pills. I believe that the rise in hormones counteract the current pills she is taking now, I don't think she knows that. If I tell her, she'll probably blow up on me.

Believe me my man, I've tried and tried, she can't come up with a logical answer and she isn't even talking me anymore..its been a few days. I just want to prep myself for the worse and hope for the best. Honestly I just want us to be together to raise this family in harmony.

Yeah, she's pretty. Was really sweet and kind and caring before too. Again, I fell in love with her before I found out about all these issues. I told her I would help her get through the distress and disorders. She is good enough to be in a relationship with me, I'm a grown adult and blessed with the insight, and care to help an openmind, her openmind. In the case of raising a child herself alone, that's a different story, the baby will never get out of the crib and say, "Mommy, I understand your pain and your instabilities, I am here to help you. I will help with your mental excercises, your physical excercises, I am here to comfort your mind, and help free your spirit..." The baby can never do that, I'm more than willing to her and the baby, but I can't help her if she denies it. I can only fight for the protection of my child.

True, but I also said "Before you give any advice be aware of the validity of the advice you will give." I asked for advice and help, I got naysay and discouragement, now I'm not upset, I don't blame them, so do not blame me if I challenge a thought.

 

reply to bells

I would say she being married and divorced within one year is a direct reflection of her instability.

That's all I want to do is be there for the baby, finacially, physically, mentally, soulfully, etc.

You know I was thinking that since the courts act on "best interest" of the child, than wouldn't the more mentally and financially fit parent be granted custody since it would be in the "best interest" of child. I hope that IF we go to court the psychiatist deem the act of self-harm as evident proof that the baby maybe in harm, thats logical isn't it, considering that she was "cutting" not less than a couple of months ago. How can she care for a child fulltime if she can't care for herself?

If I had full custody I wouldn't try to deny the mother of the child of her visitation rights. I would work out a schedule in something along the lines of the mother watches her while I'm working and when I get back I get our baby. That would brake down to a 65%percent of time with me and 35% of time with her. Mind you this is just an unrefined idea of schedule.

If the mother was not in her condition I would not apply for full custody whereas she could sufficiently and properly take care of the child and be able to give it the love it needs. I would fear for wellbeing of the child. I fear mentally she could break down and do something irrational to endanger our child. The analogy of car and care isn't the best of analogy for the disabled will hire someone to wash the car, change the oil, and in some cases even pump the gas, etc. She doesn't have anyone full time to do those things for her and the baby. Her depression has always been there but shes taking pills. I believe that the rise in hormones counteract the current pills she is taking now, I don't think she knows that. If I tell her, she'll probably blow up on me.

Believe me my man, I've tried and tried, she can't come up with a logical answer and she isn't even talking me anymore..its been a few days. I just want to prep myself for the worse and hope for the best. Honestly I just want us to be together to raise this family in harmony.

Yeah, she's pretty. Was really sweet and kind and caring before too. Again, I fell in love with her before I found out about all these issues. I told her I would help her get through the distress and disorders. She is good enough to be in a relationship with me, I'm a grown adult and blessed with the insight, and care to help an openmind, her openmind. In the case of raising a child herself alone, that's a different story, the baby will never get out of the crib and say, "Mommy, I understand your pain and your instabilities, I am here to help you. I will help with your mental excercises, your physical excercises, I am here to comfort your mind, and help free your spirit..." The baby can never do that, I'm more than willing to her and the baby, but I can't help her if she denies it. I can only fight for the protection of my child.

True, but I also said "Before you give any advice be aware of the validity of the advice you will give." I asked for advice and help, I got naysay and discouragement, now I'm not upset, I don't blame them, so do not blame me if I challenge a thought.

 

THANK YOU WEASEL. I didn't know some women actually go insane?? haha, Well it just so happens i think my girlfriend went mad. I hope she gets better tho, for the sake of me and the baby. thank you for your advice.