Aqua Teen Hunger Force Fan Episode I

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by troglodyte, Nov 3, 2006.

  1. troglodyte Banned Banned

    Messages:
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    I've been bored recently, so I wrote up some episodes for ATHF. There is no copyright infringement intended. These are "Fan Scripts". I am protected by the "fair use" law. :m:

    Tell me what you think?

    EXT. FRONT YARD - NIGHT

    Five police cars careen onto the Aqua Teen’s front lawn.

    INT. HOME - MOMENTS LATER

    The front door is rammed open. Swat officers flood into the living room, sputtering war yelps.

    INT. MEATWAD’S ROOM

    Meatwad sits in the corner, talking into a cardboard phone.

    MEATWAD
    What you mean you ain’t suppose to be talkin’ this late at night. You’re a grown woman. Tell me what you’re wearin’.

    THUMP! THUMP! Footsteps are heard outside. Meatwad observes flashes of light from under his door.

    BANG! BANG! The police bang on the door.

    MEATWAD (CONT’D)
    (to the phone)
    Hold on a second.
    (to the door)
    Who is it?

    BANG! BANG!

    MEATWAD (CONT’D)
    Stop it! I know it’s you.

    BANG! BANG!

    MEATWAD (CONT’D)
    Step one foot in here and see what happens. I’ll shoot your **bleepin** a**.

    The police ram meatwad’s door down and flood into his room. A GARBLED VOICE comes from meatwad’s phone.

    GARBLED VOICE
    Well, who was it?

    MEATWAD
    **bleep**. It’s the **bleep**in’ police.

    INT. MASTER SHAKES ROOM- MOMENTS LATER

    Porno mags are spread across his entire floor.

    Master shake sits on his bed, pouring with sweat; he slips a balloon onto a beer bottle.

    MASTER SHAKE
    I can’t believe that I’m about to do this. Again. I won’t. I will. I won’t. I will. The door’s locked. Nobody will know. I’ll just slip it in a little.

    Suddenly, Master Shake’s door is knocked down and flooded with officers.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    Holy crap! What were the **bleep**in’ odds?

    One OFFICER walks up to Master Shake with his gun brandished.

    OFFICER
    This is some sick **bleep**.

    MASTER SHAKE
    It’s not what it looks like!

    OFFICER
    Is it what it smells like?

    MASTER SHAKE
    Smell? I don’t smell anything.

    OFFICER
    That’s because God made it where we can’t smell our own **bleep**.

    MASTER SHAKE
    I haven’t broken any laws officer.

    OFFICER
    (whispering)
    Sodomy.

    MASTER SHAKE
    There’s a black man in the adjacent room. Go get him!

    INT. FRYLOCK’S ROOM - MOMENTS LATER

    Frylock sleeps in his bed, with eye masks on.

    The officer’s ram inside and immediately beats Frylock with their night sticks.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - 45 MINUTES LATER

    A light blares on meatwad’s face.

    MEATWAD
    It’s too bright! The light is hurtin’ my eyes.

    An INTERROGATOR’S forceful voice comes from behind the desk.

    INTERROGATOR
    Do you know why you’re here?

    MEATWAD
    No.
    (crying)
    I want to go home.

    VOICE
    Have you ever killed, anybody?

    MEATWAD
    Maybe once or twice. But he was a demon sent by Satan to carry out devious plans. Well, at least, that’s what Frylock said.

    INTERROGATOR
    What can you tell me about Frylock?

    MEATWAD
    I ain’t no mother**bleep**in’ snitch. You better come correct or don’t come at all. I ain’t afraid to do time.

    INTERROGATOR
    Meatwad. Meatwad. Meatwad. I’ve been doing my job for twenty three years. Do you know what this means?

    MEATWAD
    What?

    INTERROGATOR
    It means that I’m a good interrogator.

    MEATWAD
    Interro wha?

    A hand slides a picture across the table. It is a picture of Boxy Brown.

    INTERROGATOR
    Do you know what will happen to Boxy in the event you’re not there to take care of him?

    Meatwad frowns.

    INTERROGATOR (CONT’D)
    Foster care. He’ll end up with a poor racist white family who could give a rat’s **bleep** about how he feels or what he eats. Does Boxy like to be called a cardboard box day in and day out? Does Boxy like burnt oatmeal?

    BOXY BROWN’S voice transmits from his picture.

    BOXY BROWN (O.S.)
    I ain’t gonna live with no cracka’s who feed me burnt oatmeal!

    MEATWAD
    Now Boxy. Calm down. You aren’t aware of the situation.

    BOXY BROWN
    You betta tell em’ what they wanna hear boy.

    MEATWAD
    But frylock is my friend.

    BOXY BROWN
    And Leeroy was mine, but that ain’t stop me from stabbin’ his skinny **bleep** in the back. Boy so skinny, he could whoola hoop with a cheerio. Made for a small target.

    Meatwad rolls his eyes at Boxy Brown.

    BOXY BROWN (CONT’D)
    (screaming)
    Tell em’!

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - 30 MINUTES LATER

    MEATWAD
    He yells a lot. And he touches me on my hand. When we go walkin’.

    INTERROGATOR
    Is he skilled with any weapons?

    MEATWAD
    Just his eyes.

    INTERROGATOR
    His eyes?

    MEATWAD
    He can implode **bleep** with em’.

    INTERROGATOR
    Interesting.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - 30 MINUTES LATER

    Master Shake sits behind the desk, staring into the light.

    MASTER SHAKE
    So what can I do to make this all go away? Can I buy you some donuts? We can head down to Grandmomma’s Bakery right now. And I’ll treat you to all the donuts and coffee that you can eat and drink. How does that sound?

    INTERROGATOR
    We found a dozen beer bottles, all different sizes, tucked away under your bed.

    MASTER SHAKE
    So, I like to drink. Do I have to be a teetotaling **bleep** to enjoy freedom? This is America, my friend. This country. My country. Was built off of beer and cotton.

    Master Shake drops a tear.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    Is it wrong for me. Every night. To pay tribute to the land of the free. By drinking eight or ten beers and chewing on a couple of swabs? I consume to remember.

    INTERROGATOR
    We also found excrement laced balloons in your trash can, wrapped in toilet paper.

    MASTER SHAKE
    I know nothing about that.

    INTERROGATOR
    Maybe a DNA analysis could shed some light.

    MASTER SHAKE
    Okay. Maybe I’ve been a little experimental lately. I don’t need this getting out. I plan on running for office in the next election. And this, my handsome conversationalist, is a six foot tall skeleton.

    INTERROGATOR
    I understand.

    MASTER SHAKE
    You do?

    INTERROGATOR
    Tell me what I want to hear about Frylock and we’ll pretend like we never saw what we saw.

    MASTER SHAKE
    He’s the sickest, most ruthless, **bleep** of us three.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - HOURS LATER

    Carl sits behind the desk.

    He twiddles his fingers.

    INTERROGATOR
    Thanks for coming down to the station.

    CARL
    Yeah. No problem. It’s not everyday that I’m in police station without the fear of doing twenty to life. You know what I’m sayin’?

    Carl laughs.

    INTERROGATOR
    When I say Frylock? What comes to mind?

    CARL
    Freak.

    INTERROGATOR
    Freak?

    CARL
    Well, the most tolerable freak in a family of freaks. You know. Sometimes, I think he keeps the other two knuckleheads in line. Like, he’s their daddy or somethin’.

    INTERROGATOR
    So he’s smart?

    CARL
    Yeah. He’s one of those high IQ individuals.

    INTERROGATOR
    So he’s capable of calculating?

    CARL
    Sure. Why not? I’ve gotta a question for ya though. Is one of your officers gonna give me. Give me a ride home? Because I haven’t walked the street since 81’.
    (reminiscing)
    Times were hard back then.
    (singing)
    I was the second brother of five. Doing whatever I needed to survive. I’m not saying selling myself was alright, but trying to emerge from the trailer park was a never-ending fight.

    INT. INTERROGATION ROOM - 40 MINUTES LATER

    Frylock now sits behind the desk, staring down the camera, paying no attention to the bright light. He’s slightly bruised.

    Frylock breaks the silence.

    FRYLOCK
    I have my rights, you know. Is beating a man in his sleep policy here? I would like to speak with my attorney. I’ll run this entire precinct into the dirt and you with it.

    INTERROGATOR
    Your friends gave you up.

    FRYLOCK
    What do you mean my friends gave me up?

    INTERROGATOR
    Meatwad. Master Shake. Carl. Do those names ring a bell?

    FRYLOCK
    Do you think I’m stupid? Like imbeciles are capable of incrimination.

    INTERROGATOR
    That’s no way to talk about your buddies. I think they’re smarter than you think.

    Frylock raises his eyebrow.

    INTERROGATOR (CONT’D)
    It seems like you’re the only person in Jersey capable of calculating the ruthless implosion of a seventy seven year old woman.

    FRYLOCK
    I don’t associate with old **bleep**.

    INTERROGATOR
    Is that so?

    The interrogator hands Frylock pictures of himself with old **bleep**.

    FRYLOCK
    Photoshop?

    INTERROGATOR
    No one’s that good. My lenience is your only friend now. So talk.

    FRYLOCK
    Okay. It was a week ago.

    INT. BEDROOM - DUSK (FLASHBACK)

    FRYLOCK (V.O.)
    I just got done throwing it down good on Betty. I have sex with old **bleep** because young **bleep** don’t want anything to do with me.

    Frylock sits at the edge of the bed staring into the television, watching the news. BETTY sits under her sheets at the head of the bed.

    BETTY
    Ready for a second go, brotha?

    FRYLOCK
    Quiet. I’m trying to listen to the news. They’re discussing reparations.

    BETTY
    Reparations? Reparations are bull**bleep**. Just a way to extract free money from the government. Like we aren’t spendin’ too much of our wealth already.

    Frylock turns toward Betty and raises an eyebrow.

    FRYLOCK
    America forcefully utilized Africans to gain it's wealth. The wealth you see today. So you can partially thank African Americans for this country's current success. The least we can do is repay them.

    BETTY
    They’ll just be thousand’s of Escalades driving around on the street.

    Frylock, in a brutal display of rage, implodes Betty with his laser eyes.

    BACK TO PRESENT DAY

    FRYLOCK
    I killed her. Just like that.

    Frylock begins to cry.

    INT. VISITING AREA - A YEAR AND A HALF LATER

    Meatwad and Master Shake talk to an imprisoned Frylock from behind bullet proof glass.

    Carl stands behind Meatwad and Master Shake, disassociated.

    Meatwad hold’s the phone.

    FRYLOCK
    (to Meatwad)
    How is everything? Are you taking care of yourself? Is shake treating you alright?

    Meatwad looks up at Master Shake to seek approval to speak.

    Master Shake grimaces.

    MEATWAD
    Yes. When are you coming home?

    FRYLOCK
    Soon. Since it was a crime of passion, I only was sentenced to two years. So, only six months to go.

    MEATWAD
    (whispering)
    Good. Because it’s been hell.

    Master Shake snatches the phone.

    MASTER SHAKE
    (to Meatwad)
    Give me that, grunt.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    Hey. How has prison life been treating ya? Is it wider since you been in?

    Frylock doesn’t respond.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    (to Meatwad)
    Give me one of those markers you always carry around with you.

    MEATWAD
    No! You won’t give it back.

    MASTER SHAKE
    Give me that marker or I’ll squish you through this bullet proof glass. You’ll be with your daddy that you love so much. And his daddy, if you know what I mean.

    Meatwad reaches inside himself, finds the marker, and gives it to Master Shake.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    (to Frylock)
    Now as I was saying.

    Master Shake draws a small circle on the glass.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    Is it like this?

    Master Shake then draws a big circle right next to it.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    Or is it gaping? And/Or Have you caused any to resemble this.

    Master Shake points at the big circle.

    Frylock doesn’t answer.

    MASTER SHAKE (CONT’D)
    I just want to know. Because when you come home you might start craving something Meatwad and I can’t give you.
    (to Meatwad)
    We’ve got virgin bungholes, don’t we Meatwad.

    MEATWAD
    If you say so.

    Carl looks over and sees an imprisoned HAND BANANA sitting down to talk to his visitor.

    Hand Banana smiles when he sees Carl, surprised. He then winks.

    Unexpectedly, Hand Banana slams the phone down on the hook and leaps up onto the stall’s table.

    HAND BANANA
    (to Carl)
    In three years. You.
     

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