arguing with a conservative..

Discussion in 'Politics' started by mikasa11, Jan 19, 2006.

  1. mikasa11 Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    258
    Found this on another forum...

    How Conservatives Argue: A Case Study


    Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: No, it doesn't.

    Liberal: Yes, it does. The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: What about Guam? What about that Guam, huh? Or the Virgin
    Islands?

    Liberal: Those are territories, not states. The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: Oh, so you're saying those don't count?

    Liberal: Yes.

    Conservative: Oh, so the people there don't count? They're not good
    enough, huh? I thought you liberals wanted /everybody/ to be counted.

    Liberal: No, I said the territories don't count as states. The USA has
    fifty states.

    Conservative: You're really something, you know that? You liberals are
    always going on about how all of us conservatives are racists, how we
    don't care about anybody but people who look like us. But you don't
    even want to count the blacks who live in Guam as Americans.

    Liberal: First of all, I never said all conservatives are racists.

    Conservative: Yes, you did.

    Liberal: No, I didn't.

    Conservative: Michael Moore says it.

    Liberal: I've never heard him say that.

    Conservative: Yes, he does! He most definitely does!

    Liberal: Look, I don't know what he says. That's beside the point. And the people in Guam "count," whatever that means. I don't even know who lives in Guam; I don't know the first thing about
    Guam. I'm just saying Guam isn't a state - it's a territory. The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: What about Puerto Rico?

    Liberal: What?

    Conservative: What about Puerto Rico, huh? You love all those Mexicans coming across the border stealing our jobs - you must LOVE Puerto Rico, right?

    Liberal: I've never been to Puerto Rico.

    Conservative: Well, I have, and those kind of people would be pretty offended to hear liberals like you saying they aren't real Americans!

    Liberal: I didn't say that!

    Conservative: You said they didn't count!

    Liberal: I didn't say that either! No, wait, just wait... (takes deep breath). I only said the USA has fifty states. Puerto Rico isn't a state - it's a commonwealth.

    Conservative: And they don't speak English!

    Liberal: Well, many Puerto Ricans do.

    Conservative: How do you know that? I've been there - you haven't!

    Liberal: All right, OK, fine, whatever. But the USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: Well, I say Puerto Rico counts.

    Liberal: Fine, but not as a state.

    Conservative: Well, that's YOUR opinion.

    Liberal: It's not my opinion - it's a fact.

    Conservative: Says you!

    Liberal: No, not just "says me." It's a fact. Look it up.

    Conservative: I don't have time.

    Liberal: You don't have time to find out if the USA has fifty states?

    Conservative: Listen, you may have time to sit around all day surfing on your liberal websites, downloading Michael Moore, but I've got things to do.

    Liberal: Like reading about blacks in Guam and Mexicans in Puerto Rico?

    Conservative: See, that's why you guys always lose. I'm trying to have a nice conversation, and you just keep up with the insults!

    Liberal: Listen, I didn't mean to insult you.

    Conservative: Oh, yes you did!

    Liberal: No, look, I'm sorry, OK? I didn't mean to insult you. Honestly. It's just that... well, the USA has fifty states. That's a fact. And I'm just trying to state a fact, and you're getting very
    defensive, and...

    Conservative: Oh, so now I'm defensive.

    Liberal: Well...

    Conservative: You just said you weren't going to insult me!

    Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to say the USA has fifty states!

    Conservative: According to YOUR sources!

    Liberal: MY sources?! What are you talking about? Look it up!

    Conservative: I told you, I don't have time to spend all day cruising the internet, looking up geography questions! Maybe if you were busier at your job, trying to live the American Dream, you wouldn't have time for all this hate!

    Liberal: I work hard at my job!

    Conservative: Then why are you spending all day downloading Michael Moore?

    Liberal: I don't spend all day downloading Michael Moore! I don't even know what you mean by that! All I'm saying is that the USA has fifty states!

    Conservative: Again, according to YOU!

    Liberal: Not just me! Here, here's the World Book Encyclopedia. Look it up - it's fifty states!

    Conservative: Oh, sure, the World Book! Yeah, like I'm going to believe the World Book!

    Liberal: What?

    Conservative: Come on, it's a liberal rag!

    Liberal: (Long, teeth-gnashing pause) Look, just look up "United States of America." Ten bucks it says, "the USA has fifty states."

    Conservative: Ten bucks, huh?

    Liberal: Yeah, ten bucks. (pause) Wait, that's the "M" volume.

    Conservative: I know.

    Liberal: You need to look under "U" for "United States."

    Conservative: I'm not looking for "United States." I'm looking for "Moore, Michael."

    Liberal: What?!

    Conservative: And when I find a big glowing article about him, you're going to owe me ten bucks!

    Liberal: Why would I owe you ten bucks?!

    Conservative: You bet me ten bucks that the World Book Encyclopedia isn't liberal.

    Liberal: No I didn't!

    Conservative: Yes, you did! You bet me ten bucks that I couldn't find a liberal article in the World Book. So when I find Michael Moore's picture, you owe me ten bucks!

    Liberal: Oh, my lord...

    Conservative: AHA!

    Liberal: Listen, you idiot, just because you found Michael Moore's picture in the World Book doesn't mean that I owe you ten bucks! It doesn't mean the World Book is a liberal encyclopedia! And it certainly doesn't mean the USA doesn't have fifty states!!

    Conservative: Oh, no? Look at this!

    Liberal: (pause) "Massachusetts"?

    Conservative: Bingo!

    Liberal: What the hell does Massachusetts have to do with anything?

    Conservative: The COMMONWEALTH of Massachusetts!

    Liberal: So?

    Conservative: So you said Puerto Rico is a commonwealth!

    Liberal: Oh, no...

    Conservative: You ADMITTED Puerto Rico was a commonwealth! Admit it, you said it!

    Liberal: Oh, man...

    Conservative: So if Massachusetts is a commonwealth, and Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, then they BOTH must be states! HA!

    Liberal: OK, look...

    Conservative: You owe me twenty bucks!

    Liberal: What?

    Conservative: Come one, pay up! Twenty bucks, let's go!

    Liberal: I don't owe you twenty bucks!

    Conservative: And I'm not even counting Pennsylvania!

    Liberal: Pennsylvania?

    Conservative: That's a commonwealth, too!

    Liberal: It's a commonwealth, but...

    Conservative: And Washington!

    Liberal: All right, look, I lived in Seattle - Washington is NOT a commonwealth!

    Conservative: Seattle's not even a state - it's a city!

    Liberal: Yes, it's a city, in Washington State! Washington's a state!

    Conservative: I'm talking about Washington D.C.

    Liberal: What?

    Conservative: Washington D.C. It's a city.

    Liberal: I know what it is!

    Conservative: Well, you liberals are always going on about "Statehood for Washington!" Which, you admit, is already a state!

    Liberal: Washington D.C. is not a state!

    Conservative: Washington State is!

    Liberal: You just said Washington D.C.!

    Conservative: And you said it should be a state!

    Liberal: I never said that! I mean, it should be... but I never...look...

    Conservative: Should Washington be a state?

    Liberal: Well...

    Conservative: Simple question.

    Liberal: Washington State?

    Conservative: Yes or No?

    Liberal: Washington State or Washington D.C.?

    Conservative: Right.

    (Long pause)

    Conservative: He snorts cocaine.

    (Long, painful pause)

    Liberal: (slowly) This is Washington D.C. you're talking about.

    Conservative: Yeah. The mayor snorts cocaine.

    Liberal: Actually, he's no longer the mayor...

    Conservative: I don't think a state should have a governor who's used drugs.

    Liberal: He's not the governor; Washington's not a...

    Conservative: Except maybe California.

    Liberal: OK, OK, stop for a moment...

    Conservative: I mean, that was a long time ago...

    Liberal: Listen, listen...

    Conservative: I don't see Michael Moore making any movies about cocaine in Washington State, do you?

    Liberal: Please, STOP!

    (pause)

    Liberal: Look, I'm just trying to make a simple point here...

    Conservative: What about...

    Liberal: STOP!!!

    (long pause)

    Liberal: I'm just trying to make a SIMPLE point here. It's not a big deal - it's just a fact. The USA has fifty states. That's all! Yes, Puerto Rico is a commonwealth, but it isn't counted among the fifty
    states. Yes, Massachusetts and Pennsylvania are commonwealths too. So are Virginia and, I think, Kentucky. I don't know about Kentucky for sure, and you know what - it doesn't matter! They're
    considered states, OK? They're states. Washington D.C. isn't one, even though I wish it
    was. Guam isn't one. There are only fifty. Fifty states. Fifty stars on the flag - fifty states. That's all. Fifty.

    (long pause)

    Conservative: Rush is so right about you people.

    Liberal: Huh?

    Conservative: Rush. He gets it. You people are the worst.

    Liberal: I don't...

    Conservative: Here I am, trying to have an honest political discussion, and all you can do is bring up this liberal claptrap! You call people like Rush racists, but you don't want to count Mexicans as Americans. You insult the Governor of California every chance you get. You get all your information from encyclopedias and Michael Moore. You want free cocaine in Washington, and you want Seattle to become
    a commonwealth, and you won't pay me my fifty dollars even after I proved that blacks run Guam! And then, worst of all, you insult our flag and our troops!!! You disgust me!

    Liberal: Good-bye.

    Conservative: See, there you liberals go again! Sneaking off to download porn from Kentucky! I'm not forgetting you owe me 100 dollars!

    (pause)

    Conservative: That's it, cut and run!

    (long pause)

    Conservative: Why do you hate America?
     
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  3. Oxygen One Hissy Kitty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,478
    Actually, I think it'd go more like

    Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: No, it doesn't.

    Liberal: OPPRESSION! OPPRESSION! I'M BEING OPPRESSED AND IT'S ALL GEORGE BUSH'S FAULT!

    or it could go

    Liberal: The USA has fifty states.

    Conservative: Who let YOU into the country club?

    Although having spent time Santa Cruz, I think the liberal would take the statement "The USA has fifty states" and turn it into some interpretive dance performance that involves flinging seagull poo all around the stage (probably even onto a picture of the pope just to make a statement) and insist on getting government grants for doing it. Then the San Francisco crowd would get hold of it and somehow incorporate it into "Beach Blanket Babylon" or some off-Broadway production, the script of which would find it's way into Peter Jackson's hands and the following summer we'd get a four-hour movie about dancing in seagull poo while McDonald's sells the Seagull Poo Happy Meal with Stinky and Stanky McPoo toys. Meanwhile, the conservative would be wracking his brain trying to tie the whole evil scheme to terrorists until the world's seagull population was listed with the Axis of Evil. A Shock and Awe strike on the nation's dumps and coastal areas would neutralize the threat, and then we could spend the next four years bordering on martial law while the government looks for the head seagull. Steven Segall would be mistakenly arrested, but on his release would make a movie about a cook on a tugboat who somehow saves the free world from the seagull menace with a microwave rice steamer.

    Of course, I could be wrong.
     
    Last edited: Jan 19, 2006
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  5. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

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    Gee, that doesn't seem familiar at all.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
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  7. TW Scott Minister of Technology Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,149
    Okay I got an answer to this:
    The Difference between a Michigander (yes that is what we are called), Republican and a Democrat.

    Question: You are walking home after going to a nearby theater with your family. You start down your street when a madman with a knife comes running towards you with a large knife held high and yelling "I'm gonna kill you." In your shoulder holster you have a Glock G45 with which you are a crack shot. What do you do?

    Democrat: Why am I walking home? Why aren't the police around? Why does he have a knife? Why does he want to kill me? We should start a fact finding mission and see why this happened? Will he be content with just stabbing me once? Can I just hug his legs and let my wife and kids run and call the police?

    Republican: *makes a motion like he is pulling out the pistol* Bang!

    Michigander: *makes a motion like he is pulling out the pistol* Bang! bang! bang!bang!bang!bang!bang!bang!bang!bang!bang!bang! click! Click! (Wife) Is he dead, yet? (Son) Maybe. (Daughter) He's Still Twitching!!!! (Father) *reloads* Bang! bang! Bang! Okay he stopped.
     
  8. spidergoat pubic diorama Valued Senior Member

    Messages:
    54,036
    Democrat: Is it Halloween? Yes? Then, "Trick or treat!".

    Republican: It was Halloween? Oh shit.
     
  9. TW Scott Minister of Technology Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,149
    Question giver: Yeah it was Halloween but the knife was real you're still dead democrat.
     
  10. mikasa11 Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    258
    Isn't the killer in Halloween invincible? Looks like your dead too.
     
  11. Oxygen One Hissy Kitty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,478
    Isn't the killer in "Halloween" an actor in a mask using prop weapons? You must be a liberal democrat. They have difficulty with the "reality issue", too.
     
  12. Happeh Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,263
  13. mars13 give me liberty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    1,085
    thats why you just slap the shit out of conservitives instead of talk to them.

    they are like crack heads,if you kick their ass,they leave you alone.
     
  14. guthrie paradox generator Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,089
    Madman comes running towards me, knife held high.

    I throw him in the style taught to me in Aikido, and end up with his arm behidn his back, with me kneeling on top, preventing him moving.

    Loon fettlers arrive and take him away.

    I carry on to the polling station where I vote for the liberal democrats, or the greens, or the scottish socialist party.
     
  15. TW Scott Minister of Technology Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,149
    And get sued into oblivion and live homeless on the streets becuase the Liberals let the guy sue you for injuring him.
     
  16. guthrie paradox generator Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    4,089
    Nope, because no jury in my country will have anything to do with it. They would get laughed out of court, if they ever got out of the hands of the authorities, due to being certifiably bonkers.
    My country? Scotland.
     
  17. so the point of this story is that people from michigan are redneck sadists just looking for a reason to kill someone in self-defense? how does this little anecdote have any real impact on anything accept to make you look ignorant?
     
  18. hug-a-tree Live the life Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    673
    Oh boy...I know some pretty stuborn Liberals as well. You'll be talking about something totally innocent, like sports! Or music or something like that and then you'll say something and they'll twist it.
    It goes both ways. I know tons of annoying conservatives and liberals.
     
  19. Baron Max Registered Senior Member

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    23,053
    Well, you must admit that it did a damned good job at doing THAT!

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    Baron Max
     
  20. Dreama Registered Senior Member

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    53
    well... maybe if more law abiding folks were armed, criminals wouldn't have such easy opportunities and they might resort to easier/safer ways to entertain themselves... like going into politics.
     

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