The Menagerie

[Tiassa]

Well, I don't read Russian, so I have no idea if she's giving instructions, or telling a story, or whatnot. So ... click!

[Tiassa]

Source: SeattleTimes.com
Link: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...ebrepo15m.html
Title: "Children get repo'ed when vehicle taken in Spokane", via AP
Date: November 15, 2007

Part of me really wants this guy to sue. I mean, does E&O cover this sort of thing?

Because he was working quickly, the repo driver did not notice the 5- and 7-year-old children when he arrived at a grocery store parking lot Thursday morning to take the 1996 Ford Explorer, police Officer Jennifer DeRuwe said.

The father had left the children in the vehicle when he ran into the store for doughnuts. He called police when he saw the car and kids missing; the repo man also called police after arriving at the repo lot and discovering the passengers.

It's not illegal to leave children unattended in a car as long as it's not running, is not outside a bar, and the weather doesn't pose a danger, DeRuwe said.

(Associated Press)

Or is this one of those things where you fall behind on your truck payment, so they get to steal your kids?

[Tiassa]

Source: Seattle Post-Intelligencer
Link: http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/...ml?source=mypi
Title: "Student at Eastern dragged to death behind pickup", by Associated Press
Date: November 25, 2007

A most interesting form of self-defense:

The Sheriff's Office says about eight people, including Sturman-Camyn, were at the hunting campsite of Wendell Sinn Jr. when Sturman-Camyn became angry and reportedly threatened others, including a threat to come after them with an ax.

The Sheriff's Office says Sinn told a 17-year-old to get into the pickup and be prepared to flee.

Sinn allegedly then tied a rope to the truck's trailer hitch and around Sturman-Camyn and told the teenager to drive away.

The Sheriff's Office says the 17-year-old didn't know what Sinn had done, and was apparently not aware he was dragging Sturman-Camyn when he drove away in fear.

(Seattle Post-Intelligencer)

Seriously. I can only wonder what the detail will be?

[Tiassa]

No ... freakin' ... way ....
Your (Kansas) police in action

The only preface I can give is that sometimes we greatly appreciate our sacrificial lambs.

Donnell Williams had just gotten out of the bath tub, wearing only a towel around his waist, when he turned the corner to see guns pointing right at him.

"I ain't never been so scared," says Williams.

Police forced entry into Williams home while responding to a shooting, but it turned out to be a false call. They had no idea at the time the call wasn't real and that Williams is hearing impaired. Without his hearing aid he is basically deaf.

"I kept going to my ear yelling that I was scared. I can't hear! I can't hear!"

Officers were worried about their own safety because at the time it appeared Williams was refusing to obey their commands to show his hands. That's when they shot him with a Taser.

KWCH 12

Really, if I had written this as fiction, nobody would publish it.

Mr. Williams is apparently unhurt, and the Wichita Police Department, while embarrassed, is still trying to justify itself. According to KWCH 12 television, "Police say the shooting call came from a cell phone but they still don't know who made it or why."
____________________

Notes:

Schwanke, Michael. "Hearing Impaired Man Tased by Police". KWCH.com. December 3, 2007. See http://www.kwch.com/global/story.asp?s=7446220

[Tiassa]

What the hell were you thinking?
Will his friends ever let him live it down?

(Subject matter warning: Stop reading now!)

First, advice from columnist and The Stranger editor Dan Savage:

Cockrings are great sex toys, but ...

... rubber, silicone, or leather-with-snaps cockrings are a better choice for cockring novices than metal ones.

(Slog)

And what, pray tell, is he referring to? This news, from across The Pond:

Firefighters helped operate on a man who was rushed to hospital after getting a metal ring stuck on the end of his penis.

Doctors at Royal Wigan Infirmary in Greater Manchester put out the alert after fearing the man faced amputation as the ring cut off his blood supply.

Two firefighters used a mini hand grinder to cut through the ring during a 20-minute procedure.

(BBC News)

Sounds like great advice. For all their simplicity, cockrings aren't simple toys. Except that, while Dan's advice makes for a great blog entry, he may be fostering erroneous perceptions about cockrings. Again, from the BBC:

The firefighters placed a thin sheet of metal around his penis to protect the skin while removing the ring, which appeared to have been cut off from the end of a pipe.

(ibid)

Wh—what?!

Dude!

See, my first question, on reading the story, was to wonder how he managed to get the thing stuck. Now I think I understand. Was there a hard angle on that thing? Did he not grind away the rough edges? Was the thing stuck because it would shred the flesh if removed directly?

Seriously ... how is he going to show his face at the pub?

[Tiassa]

Thanks, Dan ....

Dan Savage offers us this blast from the past. April, 1971, to be exact:

Ah, nostalgia. Thanks, Dan.

[Tiassa]

Meat Magnet Kate Stuck (Again) Six Years Later
"Hot Tipper" gets improbable meaty repeat on Interstate 5

It's just a random coincidence. David Schmader explains what makes it so cool:

Six and a half years ago—on Thursday, August 9, 2001—Last Days shared a story sent in by Hot Tipper Kate:

This afternoon on I-5, an errant meat truck dumped what Hot Tipper Kate described as “a huge, red, glistening pile of rendered meat smack dab in the middle of the freeway,” clogging traffic for over an hour. Even ickier, after removing the carnage, the road folks had to cover the area with sand, to prevent cars from sliding on the remaining blood and grease ....

(Schmader)

And then, out of nowhere ...,

Over half a decade passes before I hear from Hot Tipper Kate again. At the start of the new year, I found an email from the long-lost tipper in my inbox:

Well, I never thought I’d have the pleasure, but it’s happened again. That’s right! I got stuck in traffic on I-5 due to a giant pile of rendered meat.

I was headed north on I-5 on Thursday the 27th on my way back to Seattle from Oregon. Dark, driving rain, etc. I wasn’t at all surprised to get stuck in traffic near Tacoma—nothing out of the ordinary there. When I saw the blinking arrow, I expected road work… then when I saw cop cars I expected a fender bender. I didn’t see (or smell) the pile of gelatinous, grey squishiness taking up the two left lanes until I was actually driving through it. By then it was too late.

Moments later came the following on KUOW: “Traffic on I-5 is backed up near Tacoma due to a rendering truck spill in the two left lanes… This traffic report brought to you by Kaopectate.”

(ibid)

Poor girl. She's such a trooper.

[Tiassa]

Dubious Acknowledgment
You know you're famous when ....

You know you're famous, that you've made it, that you've earned a place in the cultural consciousness, when a Canadian judge invokes your work during a sexual assault trial.

The two women testified yesterday how they were duped last June into a fraudulent reflexology session by a man they had never met before.

The massage sessions received by the women? That was Michael James Fells rubbing his penis and testicles against the young woman's foot. Her aunt, meanwhile, said she was told to move her feet back and forth like "windshield wipers" as they brushed against what felt like the man's penis.

It is a "very unusual case," said Judge Michael Sherar as he convicted Fells, 25, yesterday of assault and sexual assault.

"This could be a letter from Savage Love," the judge said, referring to the syndicated sex column. He noted that did not detract from the seriousness of the crime.

(Cuthbertson)

Columnist Dan Savage, for his part, hasn't made much comment, other than acknowledging the judge's remark.

[Tiassa]

Panties, Panties, Panties!
What? How many times do you get to write a headline like that?

Okay, so ... right. Straight to the detail:

A man who pleaded guilty to stealing 93 pounds of women's undergarments in Pullman has been given a 45-day sentence ....

.... He pleaded guilty in an agreement with prosecutors after being charged with first-degree theft and burglary in the stealing of 1,613 pairs of panties, bras and other women's underwear from laundry rooms.

(SeattleTimes.com

____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "WA man sentenced for theft of 93 pounds of women's undergarments". SeattleTimes.com. January 22, 2008. See http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...arthief22.html

[Tiassa]

Sexy Is ....
Sing it with me: "How dirty can you get? (Oooh, yeah!)"

Erica C. Barnett brings us this amazing blast from the past:

Tiger Beat, ca. 1976

(Via Slog)

[Tiassa]

Source: Telegraph Online
Link: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/main.../wdwarf124.xml
Title: "Dwarves zipped in suitcases steal from Swedes", by Lucy Cockcroft
Date: January 24, 2008

Since there's really nothing I could write that would top that headline, let's just skip to the detail, shall we?

Criminal gangs are using dwarves in a ruse to steal from the luggage holds of long-distance coaches, by hiding them inside suitcases, according to police.

The bizarre crime is on the rise in Sweden and officers say thieves have got away with thousands of pounds in cash, jewellery and other valuables in recent months.

Gangs are said to sneak the dwarves into the luggage hold, hidden inside baggage.

Then, once the journey has begun, the stowaways are free to rifle through the bags of other passengers without fear of being apprehended.

Before the coach arrives at its destination the dwarves take their loot back into their suitcase, zip themselves inside and wait to be collected by their partners in crime.

(Cockcroft)

[Tiassa]

Source: SeattleTimes.com
Link: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...stungun27.html
Title: "Man who used stun gun on toddler gets 46 months", by Associated Press
Date: January 27, 2008

Part of me wants to just say, "It's Oregon", and move on. Doesn't help.

A former Albany man has been sentenced to 46 months in prison for using a high-voltage stun gun on his 18-month-old son.

Rian Wittman was arrested in February and agreed to a plea bargain last year. The sentence was imposed Friday.

Prosecutor Reed Dinsmore said the stun gun delivered 30,000 volts during testing.

"This is a case of a father torturing his 18-month-old son," prosecutor Reed Dinsmore said. "Why? We can't tell."

(Associated Press)

Right. Okay. For the record, you did not read that wrongly. Unless, of course, you did. But, yes, it does say a man struck a plea bargain, receiving forty-six months after shocking his eighteen month-old son with a stun gun.

And here's the thing: it gets even stranger.

The prosecution said the child's mother saw marks on the boy in January 2007 and, thinking it was a rash, wanted to take him to a doctor.

But Wittman talked her out of it, Dinsmore said.

"He described to her that he used the stun gun to play peekaboo with the child," Dinsmore said ....

(ibid)

Wha-huh-what? How does that even begin to make sense?

And you want to know what else? It gets stranger still:

"He described to her that he used the stun gun to play peekaboo with the child," Dinsmore said. "The mother did not report the incident, and that was a mistake on her part."

(ibid)

That's right. Apparently, using a 30,000-volt stun gun to play peekaboo with a toddler fell somewhere in the realm of the plausible and acceptable for the mother. It actually required a second incident the next month before she took the kid out of the house and called police. Apparently, even the DHS caseworker is shaken by this one.

Now ... it couldn't possibly get any stranger, right?

Well, right. It transcends the strange. Goes straight to stupid. Do not pass "Go", do not collect ... oh, never mind.

Defense attorney Tim Felling said Wittman believes the injuries were caused by the child's mother.

Felling said the two had argued earlier on the day the child was taken to authorities, and the mother said, "You'll be sorry" as she took the boy from the home.

(ibid)

So, let me get this straight. Your client is innocent, but you advised him to plead out, anyway?

I would say, "Only in Oregon," and take some sort of obscure, perhaps abject comfort in that, except it's probably not true.

You know, Albany used to be—and maybe it still is—a heavy meth-production town. That might explain a few things, but it's purely speculative. And it won't make you feel any better to write this one off as such.

[Tiassa]

Image by Shapefarm, via Slog.

[Tiassa]

Chicago Goes Invisible
Invisible ink, that is.

Well, sort of.

Twenty voters at a Far North Side precinct who found their ink pens not working were told by election judges not to worry.

It's invisible ink, officials said. The scanner will count it.

But their votes weren't recorded after all.

"Part of me was thinking it does sound stupid enough to be true,'' said Amy Carlton, who had serious doubts but went ahead and voted anyway.

As it turns out, Carlton was one of 20 voters at the precinct who were given the wrong pen to use. They were also then told, apparently by a misinformed judge, that the pens have invisible ink, elections officials said.

As a result, the votes were not counted. But officials insisted there were no dirty tricks involved.

"This one defies logic,'' said Jim Allen, a spokesman for the Chicago Board of Elections. "You try to anticipate everything. But certain things just ... they go beyond any kind of planning you can perform.''

(Sweeney)

Shall we write it up as just one of those things?
____________________

Notes:

Sweeney, Annie. "Staffers try to reach 20 who thought they'd voted". SunTimes.com. February 6, 2008. See http://www.suntimes.com/news/electio...agic06.article

[Tiassa]

The Miner Forty-Niner
Because it's less depressing than the hit-and-run story

Really.

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 20 Speaking of disgusting: Today brings a beguiling and brown Metro mystery from Hot Tipper Shelby: "Tonight, I was riding a very packed #49 bus from downtown to Broadway. Upon boarding, I was overcome by the smell of poo. I sat down, checked my shoes, and found nothing. I noticed a guy next to me checking his shoes, also. I looked up just in time to see the guy across from me reach down the back of his pants, pull his hand out, and smell it. He then jumps up and runs off the bus. Just as the doors close and the bus starts moving, we all notice he left behind the most vile smear of whatever he found in his pants. Word reaches the driver and he pulls over, doors closed, to wait for a supervisor to show up. So there we are, all huddled together on a crowded bus for 10 minutes. The supervisor finally shows up, sprays some Lysol on the mess, and leaves. This leaves one big question in my head: Are Metro drivers not allowed to carry their own Lysol?"

(Schmader)

____________________

Notes:

Schmader, David. "Last Days". The Stranger. February 27, 2008. http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=521980

[Spud Emperor]

Getting bogged down by beauracracy!

[Tiassa]

How To Not Write A Headline About Tragedy
Seattle Times: "Everett boy dies after sandbox accident"

It's even the first sentence of the article: "A 10-year-old Everett boy has died in a Seattle hospital after an accident in a sandbox."

Do the English use similar colloquialisms and euphemisms? Or is this only perversely funny to someone raised in the northwestern United States?

At any rate, the story is a tragedy:

Codey's family said earlier that the TV cartoon "Narutu" gave him and his friends the idea of burying him head first in a sandbox. They thought he was joking Saturday when he struggled.

Sheriff's deputies questioned the five children who were playing with Codey and say it was a tragic accident.

(SeattleTimes.com)

Oh, for .... Okay, if I'm reading the URL correctly, this article has been rewritten once already:

• 2004273523_apwaboyburied2ndldwritethru.html

Obviously, there are more details to come. Whatever. Blame a cartoon. So it's not sadistic, fine. But who the hell raised these kids to be so goddamned stupid?

Whitney Houston once sang, "I believe the children are our future". No wonder she took up a crack habit.
_____________________

Notes:

"Everett boy dies after sandbox accident". SeattleTimes.com. March 10, 2008. http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...writethru.html

[Asguard]

Tiassa have you ever seen a movie called Idocrasy?

It shows what will happen if we keep selecting AGAINST people of inteligence in our procriation

The president of the US ends up being a prowrestler and the guy who was a dumbass grunt in the army and a prostitute end up being the 2 smartest people on earth. The guy gets tried for not having a barcode and his lawyer (who is SURPOSED to be defending him) gets up and makes a ridiculas argument that the defendent (his cliant) said something or other and that means he is guilty. The cops are all mental retards as are congress (ok the last one maybe no change)

[Tiassa]

Source: MSNBC.com
Link: http://www.msnbc.msn.com/id/23595533/
Title: "Woman sits on boyfriend's toilet for 2 years", by Associated Press
Date: March 12, 2008

It has happened again. Sort of.

Three and a half years ago, The Menagerie encountered the sad tale of a six hundred pound woman who, having spent at least two years sitting on her couch, needed to be surgically extricated from it.

This week, the Associated Press reports that a 35 year-old Kansas woman apparently sat on her boyfriend's toilet for over two years, and needed to be surgically extricated from it.

Ness County Sheriff Bryan Whipple said a man called his office last month to report that something was wrong with his girlfriend.

Whipple said it appeared the 35-year-old Ness City woman's skin had grown around the seat. She initially refused emergency medical services but was finally convinced by responders and her boyfriend that she needed to be checked out at a hospital.

"We pried the toilet seat off with a pry bar and the seat went with her to the hospital," Whipple said. "The hospital removed it."

Whipple said investigators planned to present their report Wednesday to the county attorney, who will determine whether any charges should be filed against the woman's 36-year-old boyfriend.

"She was not glued. She was not tied. She was just physically stuck by her body," Whipple said. "It is hard to imagine. ... I still have a hard time imagining it myself."

He told investigators he brought his girlfriend food and water, and asked her every day to come out of the bathroom.

"And her reply would be, 'Maybe tomorrow'," Whipple said. "According to him, she did not want to leave the bathroom."

The boyfriend called police on Feb. 27 to report that "there was something wrong with his girlfriend," Whipple said, adding that he never explained why it took him two years to call.

(Associated Press)

According to the AP, the woman has refused to cooperate with medical personnel and police investigators, and local authorities have stated that they did not know whether she was mentally or physically disabled.

[Asguard]

why the hell would her BF be charged?

Charged with WHAT exactly?