The Menagerie

[Tiassa]

Nailed!
AP: Man discovers nail in skull ... six days after accident

A dentist found the source of the toothache Patrick Lawler was complaining about on the roof of his mouth: a four-inch nail the construction worker had unknowingly embedded in his skull six days earlier.

A nail gun backfired on Lawler, 23, on Jan. 6 while working in Breckenridge, a ski resort town in the central Colorado mountains. The tool sent a nail into a piece of wood nearby, but Lawler didn't realize a second nail had shot through his mouth, said his sister, Lisa Metcalse.

Following the accident, Lawler had what he thought was a minor toothache and blurry vision. On Wednesday, after painkillers and ice didn't ease the pain, he went to a dental office where his wife, Katerina, works.

"We all are friends, so I thought the (dentists) were joking ... then the doctor came out and said 'There's really a nail,'" Katerina Lawler said. "Patrick just broke down. I mean, he had been eating ice cream to help the swelling."

SeattlePI.com

According to doctors, the nail penetrated Lawler's brain to the measure of 1.5 inches, and barely his missing eye. Neurosurgeon Dr. Sean Markey told a Denver television station that this was the second time the hospital has seen a patient injured by a nail gun who didn't actually realize a nail had impaled their skull. Nonetheless, it is a rare injury.

Lawler is in good spirits, according to his wife, despite hospital bills reaching $100,000 and a lack of medical insurance.

"The doctors said, 'If you're going to have a nail in the brain, that's the way you want it to be,'" said Katerina Lawler. "He's the luckiest guy, ever."
____________________

Notes:

Gartner, Erin. "Man finds nail in skull six days later". SeattlePI.com (AP), January 16, 2005. See http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/nation...Gun%20Accident

[Tiassa]

The Great Nickel Heist
Authorities confused by theft of 3.6m coins

In December, a shipment of coins worth $180,000 went missing. Twenty-three tons of nickels (U.S.$0.05). 3.6 million of the things.

A truck left the Federal Reserve building in East Rutherford, New Jersey, bound for New Orleans. It never made it. The driver, Angel Ricardo Mendoza, of Miami, Fla., has not been heard from since gassing up in northern Florida on December 19, and calling in to tell his boss he was at Tallahassee the next day. On December 21, Mendoza's 18-wheeler turned up at a truck stop in Fort Pierce, Florida, with the doors unlocked and the keys in the ignition. The payload was gone.

"He's either a victim or a suspect," said Sgt. Richard Mestre, of the Cargo Theft Task Force in for the Miami-Dade police.

Judy Orihuela, an FBI spokeswoman, said, "Somebody actually went out and stole 3.6 million nickels. I mean, who would ever think that would happen?" Additionally, Orihuela noted that the truck bore no signs of violence.

So, if someone steals 3.6 million nickels, how does he cash them in without attracting attention? Police say it would have to be done very slowly, in small amounts and at many different places, like grocery store counting machines. And even if he were able to cash in $500 worth of nickels every day, it would still take an entire year.

MSNBC.com

Would it be indecent to say that authorities are buffaloed?
____________________

Notes:

Potter, Mark. "Millions of nickels stolen from Fed". MSNBC.com, January 14, 2005. See http://msnbc.msn.com/id/6826757/

[Asguard]

can you imagin that old lady rocking up at the bank

"can you just count these for me dear"

HAHAHAHHAHAHAH

funny as

[vslayer]

i read that expecting a twist like "the theif dropped them in a preschool during his getaway and police are working to extract the 3.6 million coins from toddlers noses" but meh, i guess that will have to do

[Tiassa]

Pimp Fight!
Nevada whoremongers argue over legendary brothel name

That's right, folks, it's a good ol' fashioned pimp fight.

Well, okay. Instead of truncheons and guns, they're using lawyers:

A brothel owner has been barred by a judge from using the name of Nevada's most storied bordello until a lawsuit over ownership of the trademark is settled.

Lance Gilman bought the pink stucco building that once housed the Mustang Ranch in 2003 for $145,100 and moved it a short distance next to his Wild Horse Adult Resort & Spa off Interstate 80 east of Reno.

He had planned to reopen the second brothel under the Mustang Ranch name later this month.

"I'm on hold until we do a trademark trial, and that's scheduled in April, which is probably all right because I have a lot of construction to do anyway," Gilman told the Nevada Appeal.

Rival brothel owner David Burgess sued Gilman last year in U.S. District Court in Reno over use of the Mustang Ranch name.

Burgess, who renamed his Old Bridge Ranch brothel just east of Reno the Mustang Ranch in 2003, claims he's the exclusive licensee of rights in the trademark.

SeattlePI.com

What's next? Is Mr. Whitebred going to sue Home Pride?
_____________________

Notes:

Associated Press. "Nev. brothel's name disputed in lawsuit". SeattlePI.com, January 16, 2005. See http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/nation...ustang%20Ranch

[Tiassa]

File Under 'T', For 'Things I Never Wanted To Know About"
Disclaimer: That truth is stranger than fiction explains why horror films are so traditionally campy.

The moral of the story, just to clear it up at the outset, is that it's not yet time to start relying on blogs for news.

I came across this tidbit while following up on a simple hypothesis: since the bloggers are complaining that a news story isn't getting enough coverage, I ought to read a few blogs to find out what they've got that isn't being represented in the daily majors.

At any rate, Sean Hannity has a dating page on his website. As you consider whether to continue this exploration, consider carefully the prior sentence. I've only been aware of this for a matter of minutes, and already it's having a quiet but perceptible soul-scarring effect.

Warning! You have been warned. Click with caution:

Hannidate 2005

Bloggers at present are having fun reviewing their favorites. Again, you have been warned.

• Americablog.com
• ThinkProgress.org

The most original of the reader comments is a bizarre bit about Katrina vanden Heuvel. Otherwise, it's all Gannon, Anne Coulter, and general scornful laughter. There is a familiar ring to some of them, though, including the one that advises of a particular ad, "FUCK YOU ass-hat!"

No, this is not worth your time, nor the damage it will cause your soul.

You've been warned yet again.

(P.S. - Seagoat? Soul-scarring, I tells ya.)

[Tiassa]

Source: The Stranger
Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=91081
Title: "Last Days", by David Schmader
Date: October 19-25, 2006

This week of emasculating pastels, incriminating tattoos, and glorious and surprising triumph kicks off today with a blast of lightning from a Croatian lady's anus. Details come from the Associated Press ....

.... What Timarovic can't recall, an emergency worker supplies: "She was wearing rubber bathroom shoes at the time and so instead of earthing through her feet it appears the electricity shot out of her backside," said the unnamed medic . . . . "It appears to have earthed through the damp shower curtain that she was touching as she bent over to put her mouth under the tap." Despite suffering great pain and severe burning to her anus, Ms. Timarovic remains a lucky woman .... ([i]TheStranger.com)

What? What can I possibly add to that?
___________________

Notes:

Schmader, David. "Last Days". The Stranger, Oct. 19-25, 2006. See http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=91081

[Bells]

Heh! I remember reading about that in the newspaper a week or so ago.

Geez Tiassa, I'd actually forgotten this thread existed.

[Pete]

Source: The Daily Mail
Link: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/pages/liv...n_page_id=1811
Title: "Nun tried to kill priest after finding him in bed with another woman"
Date: 13th September 2006

Sister Silvia Gomes De Sousa, 39, saw red and set fire to Father Carmelo Mantarro's house after she nabbed him 'in flagrante.'

The furious nun - who was also Father Carmelo's cleaner - was also armed with a machete and threatened to kill the priest before being restrained by passers by.
...
The saucy goings on were made even more interesting by father Carmelo's age - he is 70 years old - and is said to have been sleeping with both sister De Sousa and the other woman for several months.

At the court hearing Sister De Sousa also claimed to have had two abortions as a result of having unprotected sex with Father Carmelo and also showed several love letters from him.

Bless me Father, for I have sinned!

[Tiassa]

Peeps on parade
Seattle chef turns strange candy into gourmet

From the website of the Seattle Post-Intelligencer:

John Moe, senior reporter and occasional host of American Public Media's "Weekend America," wondered if there was more to Peeps than simply devouring them out of the box. So he channeled the creative juices of chef Jason Wilson, who owns Crush restaurant in Seattle, toward concocting an Easter feast fit for Peeps.

"He took to the assignment with gusto and with a blowtorch," said Moe, whose Peeps show will air today on "Weekend America."

On the menu were Peep fondue, green "eggs" and ham, Peep-crusted foie gras, Peep macaroni and cheese, and Peep-otatoes. (Chou)

Stories like this make me wish I had a proper religion, so that the phrase, "Oh, dear God!" could be something more than a mere colloquialism.

"Green 'eggs' and ham made by chef Jason Wilson of Seattle restaurant Crush."
(Ducey/Seattle P-I; click image to enlarge)

My stomach simply recoils.
____________________

Notes:

Chou, Hsiao-Ching. "Seattle chef puts on a rather disturbing Peeps show". SeattlePI.com, April 6, 2007. See http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/food/310664_peeps07.html

[Tiassa]

You don't want to read this
Woman charged in child mutilation

You have been warned. Do not read any further. Unlike the peep-otatoes, electrified recta, and Hannidate, this is a true stomach-turner.

Final warning: Do not read any further.

That said, from "Last Days", a weekly summary of strange news from my favorite Seattle newspaper, The Stranger:

FRIDAY, MAY 11 As fans of horrifying accidents will recall, back on March 27, Last Days reported on the 5-week-old boy in Houston whose genitals had reportedly been torn off by the family's miniature dachshund. At the time of her infant son's emasculation, the boy's mother was nearby in a drug-induced stupor; after the attack, police, doctors, and Child Protective Services officials argued that the baby's injuries were not consistent with dog bites, as "the lacerations were too neat," and no blood or human tissue could be found anywhere on or in the dachshund. Today, everyone's worst suspicions were supported, as the boy's mother—25-year-old Katherine Nadal—was arrested and accused of mutilating the boy with a sharp instrument. Charged with injury to a child, Nadal is being held on $100,000 bail, while the exonerated dachshund has been released by authorities and adopted. (Schmader)

Bong? Anyone? There's not enough dope in town to clear that one from the conscience.

[Tiassa]

Source: TheStranger.com
Link: http://www.thestranger.com/seattle/Content?oid=237718
Title: "Last Days", by David Schmader
Date: June 6, 2007

It's a good, ol'-fashioned cripple fight! Well, sort of:

... I saw a twentysomething woman in a kiwi-green halter top and tight capri pants who'd somehow managed to pick a fight with a slightly obese middle-aged woman in a wheelchair. And I mean a real fight. The sporty young woman would swoop in mantis-like for a strike only to be fended off with a skillful hook from her stationary adversary. Truly, the disabled pugilist dominated the fight, making solid contact with every blow, causing the other woman to dance back skittishly after failing to land a single solid punch .... (Schmader)

Once, when I was in junior high school, some of the jocks set the retarded fat kid on the retarded wheelchair-bound kid in a wrestling match. It was a fabulous fight, and one the teacher allowed to continue because it was about time someone put the fat kid in his place. After about fifteen minutes, the wheelchair-bound kid pinned the fat kid. Absolutely amazing.

[Tiassa]

Source: SeattleTimes.com
Link: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...bplates23.html
Title: "Oregon family's name deemed offensive — on their license plates", via Associated Press
Date: September 23, 2007

Yeah, that's right: government at work. I'd say something like, "I'm so glad I don't live in Oregon anymore," but I don't really think it matters much what state you're in. Oh, well. At least they stopped Packwood from getting the "MASALA" plate.

A Merlin family has been ordered to turn in the vanity license plates for their cars because the state finds their Dutch name can be interpreted as offensive.

The plates, UDINK1 UDINK2 and UDINK3 are on the vehicles of Mike and Shelly Udink and their son Kalei ....

.... The plates were deemed offensive by a 10-person DMV panel that approves custom, or "vanity" plates, which cost an extra $80 ....

.... "DINK has several derogatory meanings," wrote panel member Yvonne Bell. She said it also can be a racial slur, especially toward Vietnamese.

[Spokesman David] House said the "U" in the front could be construed as "You" .... (SeattleTimes.com)

Three things:

(1) I don't think I've used "dink" in a sexual connotation since I was about eleven, and making up random, silly-sounding words as sex jokes.

(2) I had thought the ethnic slur was obsolete; in the 1990s, "DINK" meant "Double Income, No Kids", referring to yuppie marriages.

(3) On the grounds that the license plates serialized the family, yes, they should have been taken away. And, perhaps, the family should have been forced to perform "Habanera" on national television in front of Simon Cowell.

[spuriousmonkey]

I couldn't resist looking up the last name Udink.

http://www.familienaam.nl/

fill in the name in and press 'zoek' (search).

Not so many left, and most seem to live in the east.

I was curious to what the name actually means in Dutch, because it is not so obvious from the last name itself.

Haven't found anything useful, but it's not dirty or a name for a racial slur.

Kind of offensive though to deny people their own names because some people are actively seeking offensive material, which would indicate an 'offensive mind', or racist in this example.

Clearly Udink does not mean 'You Dink'.

[Tiassa]

Does anyone remember the movie Weird Science?

Okay, now, think of the scene in the Kandy Bar. Remember when Gary goes to the bathroom, backs nervously into the stall? Remember what he says when he sits down?

I always loved the tone of that phrase. "Well, Gahhhhd damn!"

Anyway, that was my first reaction upon reading this:

An Australian barmaid has been fined for crushing beer cans between her bare breasts while an off-duty colleague has been fined for hanging spoons from her friend's nipples, police said Wednesday.

(Reuters)

Okay, I'll confess my naîvete on this one: How ...? I mean, what ...? I mean ... huh?

The bit with the spoons I'm just fine with. I only wonder what ol Chuck Froming would say.

[Nickelodeon]

Haha!

[Tiassa]

Source: SeattleTimes.com
Link: http://seattletimes.nwsource.com/htm...bitlip06m.html
Title: "Woman arrested for biting off man's lip", by Jennifer Sullivan
Date: November 6, 2007

I don't know which joke to make: the dangerous heterosexual perverts ruining America, or Rat City.

A White Center woman was arrested for investigation of assault Monday night after authorities say she bit off the lip of a man she had been kissing.

The 49-year-old man's lip was found on the floor of a bedroom, but doctors at Highline Hospital in Burien say it cannot be reattached, said King County sheriff's spokesman John Urquhart.

Deputies were called to a White Center house around 11:30 p.m. and found the 49-year-old man sitting on the front steps exclaiming that his ex-girlfriend bit his lip off, Urquhart said ....

.... The man told deputies that the two were kissing when the 44-year-old woman bit off his lip and "spit it out," Urquhart said. The woman assaulted one of the deputies by striking him with a pillow, Urquhart said.

[spuriousmonkey]

assault by striking with a pillow???

[Tiassa]

assault by striking with a pillow

It ... uh ... qualifies. Sure. After all, it is Rat City. It's one of those places where, if it was on COPS, the police just wouldn't have cared: if they had to show up, someone was getting arrested in order to make it worthwhile.

And, hey ... it's a tough place.

[Tiassa]

Update!
Rat City chomper charged for bitey buss

What? Really, I'm sure if I cared enough to put some more effort into it, I could come up with something better than "bitey".

Anyway, who cares? To update the story in #57 above:

A White Center woman in jail for allegedly biting off the bottom lip of a man she had been kissing was charged today with second-degree domestic violence assault.

(SeattleTimes.com)

The accused, Ms. Laura Cutler, has apparently not been charged with the assault of a police officer. This is probably for the best, all things considered.