Would you buy from me?

[Grey Seal]

According to many people on this forum, I am going to hell. I'm ok with that, I've accepted my fate. That being said, I inted to make the most of my eternity in hell...im going to turn a profit. I've never actually been to hell, but from what I've heard, hell is a free-market economy. It's all about supply and demand. Now, I'm trying to come up with some ideas on what I can sell in hell (TEEHEE that rhymed), when I get there. Considering that this is the religious forum, there are a few types of people here. The two major factions are the Athiests, Agnostics and other assorted heathens that are doomed to hell, and the hypocritical "believers" that are also doomed to hell. Given that, I feel that you people, my audience, have the largest chance of going to hell.

Now that we have the formalities all out of the way, my future hell-mates, i have a question to ask you. It is known that hell is a mildly warm place. That being so, I would like to provide a service to my fellow "People of Perdition". Before I invest the required money into my idea I would like to run it by you all (my most promising prospective customers). Here it is...

Let's say it's a normal day in hell. The people are screaming, that one guy from greek mythology is getting eating by crows, that other guy is struggling with the rock, the theists are praying to their gods for help, the athiests are asking if any community service can be done etc. It's an uncomfortable 352 degrees fahrenheit and you're getting a little warm. You're all sweaty and you're thirsty too. You look over and you see me in a hawaiin shirt, baorder shorts, yellow sunglasses and...a table of "Spray-Fan Bottles" (item #123) and "Water Bottles" (item #321). Would you buy either item from me?

Water Bottle and Spray-Fan bottles pictured below

http://www.inheatscents.net/images/spraybottle.jpg
http://www.coloradorestorativejustic...r%20Bottle.jpg


Now, if I get enough Yes's i will put up a Pre-Order form, where you'll be able to places your orders here and then pick up your merchandise when you get to hell. If you know any people in hell please forward this too them. Thanks.

To the people currently residing on Earth: If you've already placed an order your merchandise will be ready for pick up at the customer service desk at the gates of hell. Please have your order number ready (at the bottom of your reciept).

To the people currently residing in Hell: Please allow 4-8 weeks for delivery and your merchandise will be delivered to the address you provided on the order form.

First 1000 to order get two free items.
Athiests and heathens get an "I was just kidding" T-shirt (one-size fits all)
Theists get an "I chose the wrong god" T-shirt (one-size fits all)

All order will come with a free copy of Nelly's hit single "It's Hot in Here" (CD or Cassette)

[spacemanspiff]

I'll take one of those "I was just kidding" tshirts in a medium.

[valentino]

Could I upgrade my plastic water bottle to a thermal one that will keep my drink colder longer? then I might consider

[Xelios]

Hmm, the water bottle could come in handy as I just recently purchased an:

http://vanallens.com/exchristian/water_wine.jpg

[spacemanspiff]

a water wine converter.

is that the same model Jesus used? Or did he do it freehand?

[Xelios]

Well, this uses the same patented process that Jesus used.

Anyway, in response to the first post, I'd like to post a quote Chris Pontius from Jackass made during his Satan vs. God skit:

"Fire doesn't burn if you're already dead!"

[Xev]

Nah. Do right by Satan, I'm sure I'll get a nice place in Hell. Besides, it's +6 degrees here in Michigan - Hell would be a nice change.

[Thor]

Hell sounds like a nice place. Gambling on Mondays, I don't know about Smoking Tuesdays tho, I think I'll have to get one of those fans for that day. How about Drug Wednesday, I'd need a cool t-shirt for that

But what scares the shit outta me is Gay Fridays!!

[Thor]

hey Man, Tuesdays are booked for smoking!!

I am so gonna gag on Tuesdays!!

[Neutrino_Albatross]

Dnot need it im going to heaven. I figure this because obviously god sends you to the place that you'd hate the most. And for me that means id be surrounded by christian fundies.

Do you sell flamethrowers by any chance?