Jokes

Discussion in 'Free Thoughts' started by BLASTOFF, Nov 21, 2001.

  1. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    A fellow goes up to an indian and askes how did he get such lovely names for his children, the indian says it was easy,this little girl was born near running water, so we called her running stream, the little boy was born on the run from a bear,so we called him running bear, the other little lad came up to his dad and pulled at him and the indian looked down at him and said shut up hole in the rubber.

    There was a chap working on the roads digging a hole,when he hurt his back,and the boss sent him home,when he got home his wife asked what was up,he told her he had hurt his back and would be off work for a month,she said that they needed the money and how would they manage, then she had a bright idea,she would dress up as him and take his place,so the next day she did,she got to work just before the rest of them,and had already started when the rest of the workers came,and this day they had a new lad working for them,so no one noticed and she worked on digging the hole,when all of a sudden her overalls split right the way around showing everything,well as they were climbing up the ladder out of the hole,the new guy looked up and saw everything,he jumped out of the hole and ran to the boss and asked for his cards,the boss aked why,the new guy said to the boss that he was not working the balls of him like he worked the balls of that poor fellow. MORE TO COME

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  2. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  3. Oxygen One Hissy Kitty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,478
    This is an old one, but it's my all-time favorite because it's largely true:

    What's the difference between a terrorist and a woman on PMS?




    You can negotiate with a terrorist.
     
  4. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  5. JesusSaves There is a God Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    62
    Oxygen

    I resent that

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  6. Guest Guest Advertisement



    to hide all adverts.
  7. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    More jokes

    There was an English man an Irish man and a Scots man all sentenced to death by firing squad, the English man was brought out first, stood against the wall and was asked if he had any last request, he shouted tornado the firing squad looked away and he escaped,so they brought out the Scots man, they stood him against the wall and asked him if he had any last request, he shouted earthquake, the firing squad looked away and he escaped, then they brought out the Irish man they stood him against the wall and asked him if he had any last request he shouted FIRE!

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  8. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
    Did anyone hear that Hillary Clinton was changing her name?

    She going to call herself Sharon Peters....
     
  9. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    Another joke

    A chap gets up in the morning ,his wife askes him what he wants to eat for breakfast,he says nothing just sex, he goes to work comes home at lunch his wife askes him again what he wants to eat,and he says nothimng just sex, he goes back to work,comes home at tea time his wife askes once again what he wants to eat,and again he says nothing just sex,he goes out to the pub comes home about eleven and finds his wife naked sliding up and down the stair rail,he askes her what she is doing,she tells him she is warming up his supper

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  10. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
    What word begins with F,
    has four letters,
    ends with K,
    and when you get tired you can use your fingers?






    fork
     
  11. Pollux V Ra Bless America Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    6,495
    shrike's baaaack

    heres one I heard:

    This guy hears a voice one day when he wakes up, it says: "Go to Vegas. Sell your house and your car and your land and go to Vegas."

    He's skeptical, but after awhile he gives in and goes.

    When he gets there, the voice says: "Go to King Tut's (or whatever)"

    When he gets there (with all his money) the voice says: "Go to the roulette table." So he goes.

    When he gets there the voice says: "Bet all of your money on red seventeen." So he does.

    The table spins and lands on black fifteen, and the voice says:

    Fuck
     
  12. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    dog joke

    Chap goes into a pub and sees a dog next to this other chap,he askes if his dog bites the chap said no,so the chap stroked the dog and it took a bite out of his hand,the chap jumped back and said to the other chap,i thought you said your dog does not bite,he answered it doesnt that is not my dog.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  13. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
    A guy goes into a bar, sees a lady by her self with a small dog. He sits next to her and offers to buy her a drink. After a while of talking, she notices he has his legs drawn up. She says. "Don't worry, the dog doesn't bite". He says, "It ain't biting I am worried about, he keeps trying to kick me".
     
  14. blonde_cupid Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    427
    Silly

    Why is 6 afraid of 7 ?
    .
    .
    .
    .
    .
    Because 7-8-9!
     
  15. Oxygen One Hissy Kitty Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    2,478
    These two guys are playing golf one fine day. They got to an area of the course where the nearby road was clearly visible. On the road a funeral procession was slowly rolling by. One fellow lined up his shot, took his swing, and as the ball sailed off into the distance he turned toward the funeral procession and took his golf hat off, placing it tenderly over his heart. His friend saw him and did the same. As the procession wended out of sight, the friend looked at the first guy and said "That was the most touching, beautiful thing I have seen in my life." "What was?" asked the first guy. "What you just did for that funeral," answered the friend. "Well," said the first guy. "It was the least I could do. She gave me the best years of her life."
     
  16. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    One more

    Did you here about the two gay cowboys? rode into town and shot up the sherrif.
     
  17. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
    Hear about the three blondes that walked into the building?

    You would have thought that one would have seen it....
     
  18. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
  19. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
  20. BLASTOFF Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    380
    another one

    What is the height of suspense? i'll tell you later!

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  21. rde Eukaryotic specimen Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    278
    Jesus and Moses are looking down on Earth and despairing of the evils of man, so they decide to make an appearance in the hope of setting humanity back on the right track. So they go to Israel, hire a boat and Moses rows out to the middle of the Dead Sea. Jesus gets his loudspeaker, and starts preaching to the passing boats.
    Unfortunately, no-one believes that he's the son of god. Eventually, Moses suggests that he does the walking on water trick, which is always good for impressing the natives.
    "Hear me!" says Jesus. "I shall walk upon the water towards the shore that you may know that I am the son of God!" The fishermen snigger, and wait expectantly.
    Jesus steps over the side, and sinks like a stone.
    To the guffaws of the fishermen, Moses pulls a spluttering messiah onto the boat.
    "Jesus, Jesus, what happened?"
    "No problem, Moses. I just forgot to plug my feet."
     
  22. wet1 Wanderer Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    8,616
    And another one...

    What is growing, but becomes smaller....??

    The answer follows...tomorrow.

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     
  23. JesusSaves There is a God Registered Senior Member

    Messages:
    62
    Banshee

    THE SuSPENSE IS KILLING Me!!! I can't wait untill tomarrow

    Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!

     

Share This Page