alternative spanking methods.

We did call the police. What were we supposed to do while waiting for them to show up? Let him keep punching and biting. He had already taken out my knee. I couldn't stand there a let someone who was bigger than me just punch away to his heart's content. I had small injured children to deal with an ambulance to call for my bleeding co-worker and an unconscious 7 year old. Everyone was frightened and crying and screaming, it was terrible. So I'm sorry if I don't think spending 15 minutes in the closet with your hands tied until the police arrived is all that bad. When the police came, they untied him and he started attacking them so they threw him against the ground and handcuffed him.

You still haven't said what you would have done. Remember the child is bigger and stronger than you are and you aren't allowed to hit them. How do you prevent the child from beating you and everyone else in the room to a pulp? At the time keeping him away from everyone else seemed like the best option.

 

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I didn't say that I agree with the methods that were used, but in stressful situations a lot of people just don't know what to do. Plus, we weren't there. We don't know how exactly it came to that situation, etc.

Ten year olds are actually already pretty strong, and aren't easily held, especially if you yourself aren't physically strong enough. He threatened people with a baseball bat. He punched her, and bit her. Obviously the kid was raging like Hell. So her (i think it's a her?) first reaction was to get the kid away from the other kids and adults - lock into a room. And then after hearing that he was starting to destroy the closet, and just generally proceeding with his f*cked up behaviour, she was told to tie him up for his own security. Expecting from someone to hold a crazy 10 year old kid till the "authorities" come is a bit extreme.
She did what you said. She kept him away from the other kids by locking him away. She then tied him up to prevent him from harming himself. It was an extreme situation, the situation called for an extreme solution. A quick solution before any more people would get hurt. In such an extreme situation people don't have the time to think about the psychological damages this kid could suffer from if treated like this. Probably, the first thing people think about in such a situation is to get rid of the threat.

You know..it's NOT as simple as you're presenting it, one_raven. People don't experience such situations on a daily basis, and therefore an unprofessional reaction isn't uncommon.
Adults are also just humans, and they do make mistakes just like children do. The tendency of making even more mistakes iduring stressful situations is quite common, and I would suggest that this case was a very stressful one, and probably something that they've experienced for the first time. So, stop being so judgemental and threatening people with prison, and God knows what else. She had injured people to deal with as well. Do you understand that? Nobody had the time, nor force to hold a 10 year old, so the simplest solution was to tie him up, and put him into the closet.

 

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Well if you can hold someone who is 20lbs heavier than you, while they punch you in the gut and bite your arm after they whacked you in the chest, shoulder, and knee with a wooden baseball bat then you are mightier than I. I'm not a big strong man, like you. I'm petite how was I supposed to hold him. If another older kid hadn't been there it would have taken me forever to make all the phone calls, keep my co-worker awake, check on psycho kid every few minutes and comfort all of the little ones by myself.

But I could have taken the bat and then beat him with it or got into an actual fist fight, which would have been justified as self-defense. But I used an alternative method. Being locked in a closet for 15 minutes isn't child abuse.

 

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After the child had been restraned... what was the purpos of lockin him in the closet.???

 

He was in the closet first. Then he kept scratching the door and ramming his head against it, so I tied him to a shelf nailed to the wall. He some stuff around, but he quieted down after that. Well he wasn't quiet, but he stopped hitting things. The other kids were frightened of him, they didn't need the added trauma of looking at him glare at them from across the room. The closet was a perfect place to keep him. It's a nice storage closet, big roomy, and well lit.

 

If the closet was the bes way to keep the other kids from bein frightned... i thank it woud have been beter if an adult had stayd in the closet wit the child.!!!

 

Well we could have done that if he hadn't beaten everyone senseless. I was the only adult who could still move around. I checked on him every few minutes until the police arrived.

 

Excellent. We are moving along out of denial into acceptance. From the first link provided, and there are gobs more to be had. Well done, Psycho.

Top 10 Ways to Handle Discipline Dilemmas

1. Be firm and be kind.
A child is more likely to hear what you're saying if you use a neutral tone.

2. Pause.
There's nothing wrong with saying, "I'm too angry to deal with this now. We'll talk about it later."

3. Teach your kids.
Instead of punishing a child for misbehaving, think in terms of teaching him to behave. "I don't like it when you leave your skateboard in the front hall. Next time, please put it in the mudroom. How can I help you remember?"

4. Be positive.
Instead of saying, "How many times do I need to ask you to brush your teeth?" Say, "Go brush your teeth and let me know when you've finished so I can tuck you in."

5. Give explanations, not threats.
By giving your child a brief explanation of why she needs to do as she's told, you give her a reason to behave.

6. Refuse to get angry.
Instead of focusing on your child's misbehavior and working yourself into a lather, think of each conflict as an opportunity to guide and direct your child.

7. Give incentives.
Inspire your child to cooperate with phrases like, "It's time to go. Why don't you go down the slide one more time and then let's hustle. I want to get home in time to make cookies."

8. Be flexible.
If your little one asks, "Can I just finish watching this show before we go?" be reasonable. If you have the time to spare, make room for your child's requests. This is a great way for kids to learn about the art of negotiation.

9. Drop out of power struggles.
Nothing is as frustrating or less productive as having a showdown with your little one. Invite your child to cooperate by saying something like, "I've got a problem. I want you to wear a clean shirt and you insist on wearing the same old one every day. How can we solve this problem?" Your child is more likely to cooperate if he comes up with the solution.

10. Be smart.
Parents will often deal with problems in a set manner, even if their approach isn't helping. If what you're doing isn't working, find a more effective way to handle the problem. Tip: It's much easier to change your approach than it is to change your child. Ask yourself, "What can I do differently that will inspire a better reaction from my child?"

TIP: Remember these three important rules about punishment:

* Don't assign a punishment when you're angry
* Don't use punishment as revenge.
* A more severe punishment is not necessarily a better one


http://parenting.ivillage.com/tp/tpbehavior/0,,njb0-2,00.html

 

ok ppl...

this is not a thread about who is doing it the wrong way!
keep your judgments to yourself..

it is way to easy to point out what someone else is doing wrong..
AVOID THIS AT ALL COST!!!

it is harder to come up with pratical advice on handleing the situation differently..This is what the thread is about..

example..
my child threw a temper tantrem in the store i had no choice but to spank him..

(avoid telling him he was wrong to spank..instead share your advice as to what you would do)

I would stand him up and put him in the nearest corner untill he decides to behave..

(again if the advice given does not meet with your morality..dont tell them they are wrong..just post your solution..)

any good advice will fall on deaf ears if it is accompanied by a slam/insult or 'your wrong' statement...

this is a place for sharing parental advice and as such there are MANY different ways to accomplish the same task,it is not your job to express any moral superiority..your job is just to express some advice..if it is good advice it will be accepted, if it is not, it wont be..its not up to us to say 'my advice is the best', if it is it will be accepted..

and thank you Q for getting back to topic!

 

Sorry

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it makes them feel good to pat themselves on the back. of course they have NO experience with these matters either.

 

Huh?

 

i was agreeing with you. many of these people, if not all of them, were never those situations or are not considering the extremes.

 

Originally Posted by CutsieMarie89
Huh?

CutsieMarie didnt atempt to whip the boy... an i thank we all agree that was the rite thang to do.!!!

 

You're right. It something I learned my first year taking care of kids, textbooks live in ideal worlds where all situations are ideal and so are the children. You can squeeze some kids in there, but there are far too many you can't, so you still end up having to be creative. Punishments have to be tailor made. And they should be. It doesn't take a genius to know that all kids have different personalities and temperments.

 

I didnt know that... an i admit that i havent read ANY testbooks on raizin kids... but its a shame that textbooks dont cover out-of-control children.!!!

Concernin the kids at the day care center you work for... what type of temperment/personality do you'r bosses recomend employees shud lightly swat a child on the botton as a corrective punishment.???

 

We mainly ground from time with friends, phone, TV, video games, bike, computer, etc.

Our daughter is grounded more often than our son ever was. We never ground for longer than a week. If you get into trouble in school, I will take the day off and go to school with you. I will sit in the back of the classroom and read. I will then walk to your locker with you and embarrass you as I see fit. "oh, she's a pretty girl, why don't you ask her out?" "Oh, look at those handsome uniforms, why don't you try out for football" all in my loudest voice.

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My son has had that done to him once. He told my daughter of the horror, so far she has behaved in school.

My son used to get grounded from his video games. Started with taking the Game Boy, and moved on to grounding from consoles. We can take away hand-helds, but on the bigger ones, we just take the cords. If he throws a fit about 'I bought that system!" we tell him we pay for the electricity so he won't be using the power cords.

My son went through a lying spell and he lost his bedroom door every time. Considering he shares the upstairs with his little sister, who always has her friends over, it was hell for him.

We have assigned chores and up-for-grab chores. We pay for all of them. Some $3, some $5, some $15. We can always tell when our son is broke because the first day the up-for-grabs list is posted, he does as many of them as he can before his sister can. If the up-for grabs ones don't get done, they get assigned for free.

 

oh, and if my kid is sent to their room they are told how long they have to be there. If they yell or ask "is it over yet?" the time starts over. My kids learned to tell time at a young age. I once sent my daughter to her room for 15 minutes and remembered her about 2 hrs later. Thank goodness she had fallen asleep.

My kids have never misbehaved in a store. EVER. For one thing I've never taken them shopping at nap time. WTHell is wrong with people taking their toddlers shopping at nap time?
Also, as soon as we walk into the store, we hit the candy to get a roll of Necco wafers. They can hold it, but not open it. If they behave all through the store, they can open it after check out. If they see something else they wanted, they can trade the Necco wafers for it. My kids have traded the candy for strawberries, starfruit, or a bakery cookie before. I reward good behaviour. That's more important than punishing bad behaviour.

 

Ok, so fear based with humiliation. No different than spanking. Just trading physical harm with psychological harm.

Sure this works. I take away as well, that usually is all it takes, but there are times that it's not enough and it's always the kids choice.

This is good. Again, it's the kids choice to have a door or not.

I like this, however, what do you pay them $ 15 for. Seems high.

I do the same thing.

Yes, but your buying them off with candy.

I don't do that at all, I expect them to go into the store and not need to come out with something or get anything for going. I expect them to behave and that's it and they do. If they don't then it's a time out when they get home, and or taking something away.

Ultimately you need to have a boundary, a line in the sand that you draw and don't back off from. After that point you have to take a harsher measure to get the point across.

I think a spanking is far less damaging than the pyschological trauma caused by humiliating mind games especially when dealing with their peers. However, the approach has worked for you and it remains to be seen what kind of effect it will have on them later.