Oh my god, I'm so sorry to hear that. That's a very sad story. I don't like that man at all. I knew a boy who was raped by his dad. He was really messed up by it. Of course he would've been. Being raped...I can't even imagine how horrible that must be. I've been touched and so on wrongly, but RAPE and by the people your supposed to trust most. It's so wronge that he was using religion to justify what he's done. Like, okay I'm catholic, but I know some priest do that. It's messed up and they should be behind bars for doing that. You really should get back at him. Don't do anything that'll get you behind bars though.
Revenge doesn't usually make people healthier. It just sets a cycle in motion. Doing something mean or hurtful to someone, no matter how bad they are, will probably not make your life any better in the long run. You'll have to live with the memories and images of what you did forever. Your stepfather was probably abused himself. That's the routine theme in the history of abusers. In a sick, twisted way that's difficult to understand but is nonetheless very common, abused people too often take out their rage against someone they could not get back at by punishing other people. That said, you have one and only one thing to do that will get even with him and mark you as an absolutely great person: overcome this horrible handicap and break the cycle of abuse. Promise yourself that when you have children you will never lay a hand on them in anger or out of rage or depression or drunkenness or a misguided sense of discipline or anything. Not once, not ever. Not a spanking, not a slap. Be the most touch-feely, forgiving, caring mother south of Finland. Make every day of your child's life be a testament to the fact that your stepfather did not defeat you, did not break you, did not by his weakness and violence plant the seeds of vengeance and evil in you like someone did to him. A testament that you're stronger than him, that cockroaches like him don't get to have power over good people like you. If you've come to terms with this and are strong enough and have the time and other resources, you might consider becoming part of the community that cares for abuse victims. Staff a hot line, become a Big Sister, do tutoring, provide foster care, there are lots of ways. Maybe you'll want to work for a government agency that helps people in trouble. How's that for living an exemplary life to throw in the face of the old bastard? He hurts one, you save ten. Maybe you'll want to be one of the new generation of compassionate government employees who won't tell the next victim that she's just being vengeful. Bless you. I'm not religious but that won't stop me from blessing you. Good luck. Keep in touch.
Iam, just so you know, Fraggle Rocker is probably the most understnding user you will find on this forum, so you shouldnt bash him(her?)
I disagree on the grounds he/she was making excuses for abusers. This is way too important. These victims have hardly had a voice because of this. This is gravely too common and I will repeat it again and as many times as I have to. I will shout it from the mountaintop if I have to until this sick deception is uncovered and exposed for what it is!!There are evil people who know they are hurting you on purpose, they hide it, they are manipulative and it is not soley because they are in a moment of anger!! What I am saying is I am here as a witness today to tell the world the truth and I will not back down and I will not join the multitude of the ignorant, or uncaring while these people find new victims.
Actually, all fraggle said was, paraphrased "Since you've come to terms with it, let it go and dont repeat the cycle of abuse", thats not making excuses.
This is intentional evil. Even if you were abused, to take that out on innocent people is evil and is inexcusable. Abusers BELIEVE they are in the right to abuse not because they themselves were abused because they believe others should be abused but NOT THEM, this is the hidden blind spot deep within them not easily detected by others, because deep inside they believe they are better, more deserving etc on and on, just like their abuser. This is narcissism. That is the sickness. Nothing else. There are people who have gone through horrible abuse and they do not abuse. They may suffer but they don't go looking for ways to abuse others. Why? Because why should they? They were unjustly hurt, why would they do that to someone else? How can you believe you were taken advantage of and feel incensed and enraged and do the same to others. Again narcissism. The truth I'm trying to expose is even abusers get abused but they deal by abusing others, these people REFUSE ANY OTHER ALTERNATIVE because of their narcissism. If I'm an abuser and someone abused me? What do you think I would do? I would try to find a scapegoat, usually an innocent person because they are the easiest target. I'm sure not many people have realized this very simple aspect. Nonabusers who get abused do not react this way, they have justified anger and it is directed at the evil within the abuser, they end up developing more empathy, understanding and try to fight it and HELP. This is not anywhere in the abusers realm of operation. I need to add that abusers were going to abuse anyways whether they were abused or not simply based on their selfishness. They don't get what they want, they will abuse to get it. Morals and empathy are a nuisance, illusion and obstacle for them except for their own feelings. I had known someone like that. She was never abused, in fact she had a pretty good life. But her nature was so that what was yours was hers and what is hers was hers. If something caused pain to others she minimized it, yet if she was hurt no one else EXISTED. If she wanted something even if she knew it did not belong to her, that it was wrong, she would take it regardless but of course guard herself. If she could not get it she felt betrayed and abused and looked to hurt others. Mind you though, she had a double standard. Her rights and her boundaries should not be crossed and she expected fairness from others because she knew they were fair yet she did not do the same for them because she does not play by the same rules. ABUSERS DO NOT PLAY BY THE SAME RULES NOT BECAUSE THEY DON'T KNOW THEM, BECAUSE THEY DON'T WANT TO AND IF THEY CAN FIND AN EASY WAY OUT THEY WILL TAKE IT. This is just a very innocent example of an abuser, they are much worse than this. THEY DO NOT RESPECT ANYONE ELSE'S BOUNDARIES, ONY THEIR OWN. There is a fundamental difference between abusers and non abusers whether they were abused or not and I will not blur these two. That would be totally incorrect and a travesty. REAL LIFE QUOTE FROM AN ABUSER: "SIN IS FUN!" AS LONG AS ITS NOT AT HIS EXPENSE. HE ENJOYED HUMILIATING, DEGRADING, COMPROMISING, TWISTING. HE FELT POWERFUL LIKE GOD, SUBJUGATING THOSE AROUND HIM. THERE IS NO LEGITIMATE EXCUSE FOR SOMEONE LIKE THIS. BY THE WAY, MY STEPFATHER WAS NOT ABUSED. HE USED TO MAKE ME CLEAN THE HOUSE LIKE A SLAVE. HE WAS RAISED WITH A SILVER SPOON IN HIS MOUTH. WHEN I ASKED HIM WHY I HAD TO DO THAT, HE TOLD ME THAT HE HAD TO. THIS SEEMED STRANGE CONSIDERING I KNEW THE KIND OF FAMILY HE CAME FROM. I FINALLY GOT THE COURAGE TO ASK HIS MOTHER ABOUT THIS AND HER EYES GOT WIDE AND HAD AN EXPRESSION OF DISBELIEF. SHE SAID ALL HE EVER HAD TO DO WAS TO START THE BATH WATER SOMETIMES FOR HIS YOUNGER SISTER AND THAT HE WAS ALWAYS OUT AT THE GOLF COURSE. SHE EVEN LOOKED DISGUSTED AT SUCH A TWISTED LIE. THIS IS A SERIES OF MANY LIES. THIS IS A MAN WHOM AS A CHILD I HAD TO PICK UP HIS DIRTY UNDERWEAR OFF THE BATHROOM FLOOR AFTER HE SHOWERED BECAUSE HE WOULD DROP IT RIGHT THERE LIKE IT WAS SOMEONE ELSE'S RESPONSIBILITY NOT HIS. HE REFUSED TO HELP BUT HE WANTED TO SEE OTHERS BREAK A SWEAT. SO SCREW OFF YOU INSANE SOCIETY WHO BELIEVES THAT ALL ABUSERS HAVE BEEN ABUSED. THEIR SOUL IS ROTTEN BECAUSE THEY ARE TOO SPOILED!!! WAKE THE HEEELLLL UP!!!
iam, that's a horrible story. I hope your abusers get what is coming to them... a long time in the clink, where child molesters and abusers are given an oh so 'warm welcome' by the inmates.
