young children do not have the ability to reason like adults, and spanking is a method which will allow parents to control their children well enough to raise them. once a child gets to the age that non-violent punishments are effective, then spanking should only be used as an absolute last resort, as it is at this age that spanking a child will begin to have psychological impact. if we were to outlaw spanking then parents wolud be almost inable to control their children, as they would grow up without discipline. however if we do not monitor parents usage of this punishment, it gets to the point where parents become abusive and spank their children for the most frivelous things.
That's sad, Pollywog, I'm sorry to hear that. I believe spanking (and used sparingly) is about the only tool a parent has until the child reaches an age where he/she can be reasoned with. That certainly varies with the individual but generally by age 4 or 5 spanking should no longer be needed.
if your dad is still hitting you at 14, perhaps you should try hitting him back. he thinks he can do as he wishes to you because you are 'just a child', in his mind you are almost his property, and he can do as he wishes to you. you must show him that if he treats you like that, you will hit him back. sure, he may become extremely violent the first few times, but if you get a good few shots in there, soon he will realise that he cant just hit you for everything. plus if he dishes you out a good beating, that may prompt your teachers or school councellor to have a word with him and discuss aletrnative means of punishment. you could always skip straight to the second step actually, and tell your councellor what the situation is. they arent gonig to do something drastic like put you in a foster home as soon as you tell them, but it will certainly strat a psotive change.
I'm sorry to hear your dad hits you man, my dad has caused me some psychological problems - because although he smacked me but he never beat me - he was very critical of me and put me down a lot and caused me to subsequently suffer from a lot of "self-doubt". The combination of these led me to be quite scared of my father until the age of about 16. I was always on edge around him. I believe this caused me to be very timid as a child and extremely sensitive - and as a result I've never had a very close relationship with him. As a student of psychology I don't think your dad should be hitting you. In fact, its abusive and a form of assault - and unacceptable in this day and age. Some people may say its part of life and a necessary way of disciplining children - but at your age I think thats bullshit - especially if he won't even reason with you. EDIT: There is well documented evidence that children who are physically or verbally abused by extremely authoritarian parents are much more likely to suffer from emotional problems such as anxiety and depression. May I ask what he is doing? is it just smacking? whereabouts? does he punch? Does he leave bruises or marks? Would it be fair for him to hit a woman? Of course not, so its not fair for him to hit you. You are quite old enough to be reasoned with as you have demonstrated by writing this post. I think it would be better to try other ways of stopping your dad from hitting with you - than hitting him back. You obviously realise that this is unacceptable and inappropriate behaviour, so why copy him - or sink to that level? It would be a shame for you to model your own behaviour on his. I also think it would be a good idea to talk to the school counsellor about it, of course your school counsellor is obliged NOT to tell anyone else at your school (teachers or students) what you tell them, without your permission, so your conversations would be private. By that same token, if you want to have a private talk with me, your welcome to send me an email at huwybaby@hotmail.com.
The topic heading mentions "spanking", but in this post, you say "hitting". I think most people have differing interpretations of those two word, but generally, "hitting" is much, much different to "spanking". So which is it? The other thing that you've failed to mention is .......WHY is he "spanking/hitting" you? What did you do/what did he think you did? Most actions have some direct cause, what is it? Baron Max
this is not the kind of post to air your arguementative nature.my dad beat the crap out of me quite a few times because of "something i did" and i didnt learn until a couple of years ago that he had done the same to my mum and to a certain extent my brothers.no matter the frustration a parent feels they shouldnt take it out in the form of violence on people weaker than them.
Hmm, so you think "beating the crap" outta someone is the same as "spanking"? Golly, I consider myself sufficiently chastized1 Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! Baron Max
no i think they are different things and i think that the guy who's post you replied to wasnt talking about an open handed palm to the backside.and i think you know that.
The person I responded to was the very same person who posted the main topic ....with the word "spanking" prominently displayed for all to see and read. So...? Once again, there's a big, big difference between "hitting" and "spanking" ...we shouldn't even talk about "hitting" if the main topic is "spanking". Baron Max
ok.,i dont really pay attention to poster names.....and im tired....and...well ok i just didnt really read the thread properly.will wait for poster to clarify before i add more comments.
Although this is going off topic, "Frustration" can be caused by all number of things from debt, to just being overly paranoid. In most cases of such "Frustration" I believe that the parent has potentially suffered from a poor education or a disability like Dyslexia that makes it difficult for them to deal with stress. (This doesn't mean every Dyslexic is automatically a wife beater or the like) I had my own problems with my father, however I can see what they are pretty much down to now. Some of it was his own failings and some of it was mine. Admittedly he didn't listen when I was younger but I realise that was preportion to his "disability". However this really covers the early to mid teens, as aposed to the threads initial topic. I believe it's possible to bring up a child without any spanking, however it's really down to how the child is taught, when a child is left to play with other kids that aren't necessarily taught the same values this can cause them to do things they shouldn't do. (By nature humans are copycats, thats how we learnt to learn through mimickry.) This can be where the trouble lies since a good parent might find there child doing the same as a child with a bad parent just because they are friends. The only real way to deal with that is to attempt to tutor the other child to, of course that can cause problems with the other parents. Just remember a Positive reward can be as good if not better than a Negative punishment.
Believe it or not, i am with Baron Max on this one. There is a difference between spanking and hitting. I don't think spanking is inappropriate if it teaches a child discipline but if by spanking you meant hitting. I don't agree with hitting a child of any age for any reason.
I got spanked until I was...oh...9 or so. And it wasn't always just an open hand to the behind. Mom's favorite was the wooden spoon, but sometimes it was a rolled up newspaper or a belt. My parents tell me I was a "strong-willed child" and I couldn't be reasoned with. I remember I would get spanked for something valid, and then I'd cry about it (I was a bit dramatic) and they'd tell me they'd spank me again if I didn't stop crying. This would go on for awhile as you can imagine. I remember thinking "geeze, just stop hitting me and I'll stop crying!" I still kinda resent my parents- but I guess I turned out okay.
Ahh we all got a good beating with the belt or the slipper. It did me no harm, if anything it taught me not to do the same to my own children.
Spanking is now considered inhumane, unnecessary physical punishment, and is illegal in many states. Parents have been arrested and incarcerated for spanking their children. They say a dog has the intelligence of about a 3 or 4 year old. I have a beautiful, well-trained Norwegian Elkhound who is now going on 2. She learned everything very well through positive reinforcement and lots of praise: I've never slapped, hit, or even tapped her on the nose to teach who what she could and could not do.
