a religious one[about catholics] A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?" The man says, "Episcopalian." St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24. But be very quiet as you pass room 8." Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?" "Baptist." "Go to room 18. But be very quiet as you pass room 8." A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?" "Jewish." "Go to room 11. But be very quiet as you pass room 8." The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?" St. Peter tells him, "Well the Catholics are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here." found this one at http://www.paganlibrary.com/humor/index.php
How do you put a cow in the fridge? Open the door, put cow in the fridge, close the door... How do you put a horse in the fridge? Take out the cow, put the horse in and close the door.
This is a true story, sadly enough. The following is true. I heard it on the news and thought it was pretty funny. Drake's Equation is a formula worked out by the good people at SETI (Search for Extra-Terrestrial Intelligence), coincidentally enough by a man named Drake. The purpose of the formula is to determine the possibility of intelligent, civilized, and technologically developed life on other planets. Dr. Drake admits that he is using what we on this planet know about such things as life, intelligence, and civilization, and agrees that there are possible life forms that could exist completely outside of his equation, but he figured it was a good place to start. It goes like this: N=RfpNeflfifcL where: N=Number of potential extraterrestrial contactees R=Rate of systems being created fp=Frequency of planets within those systems Ne=Number of planets with liveable environments fl=Frequency of life on those planets fi=Frequency of intelligence in that life fc=Frequency of civilization in that intelligence L=Level of technology in that civilization. The Pioneer Space Probe passed by Earth during its cycle and the boys and girls at NASA fed Drake's Equation to Pioneer. The probe returned the data that Earth held no intelligent life. You may read into this what you will.
Re: This is a true story, sadly enough. You're half right; pioneer analysed the atmosphere and the planetary radiation, and came to the conclusion that there was no intelligent life. Nothing to do with drake's equation (which I've got on a web page if you want to play with it - http://robertelliott.org/science/drake ). Just so this isn't a total waste: a joke. A man died, and went to hell. He was greeted by the devil, who showed him around. Our friend was aghast; hell was a paradise. Beautiful beaches, hot sunshine, bikini-clad women and manly men abound. Then he noticed a volcano in the distance. Seeing as it was a nice day for a walk, he wandered over, and was appalled when he looked inside. There were millions of people, writhing in torment as the molten lava scalded them. "What's that?" he asked the devil. "Oh, that's for the catholics. They insisted.".
This guy goes to hell, and satan says to him there are three rooms. You gotta go into one of 'em and stay for all eternity. Satan opens the door to the first room and inside theres an imp and lots of people having strips of flesh torn off them. The guy shakes his head and satan opens he second door. Inside theres a load of people and a Djinn with a flame thrower showering them with fire. The guy shakes hi head and satan opens the third door. Inside theres a load of people up to their waists in shit, just standing there drinking tea with a demon in front of them. The guy says 'in here, in here', so satan shoves him in and closes the door.Everyone puts their cups down, as the demon says 'Right. Breaktime over. Back on your heads! ~~~~~~ A blode, a brunette and a red head are running from the police when they duck into a bar. Hearing the police following them, they run into the back room and each hides in an empty sack. The police come in and kick the first sack, containing the brunette, so she goes 'woof woof'. Thinking the sack contains a dog the police move to the second, containing the red head, and kick it. She goes 'Meow'. Thinking the sack contains only kittens, the police move to the third sack, containing the blonde. The startled offices kick the sack to hear 'potatoes'.
Two guys met in the middle of the desert. One was carrying a car door, the other an umbrella. The one with the car door said to the guy with the umbrella, "Why are you carrying that umbrella around, it isn't going to rain in the desert?" To which the guy with the umbrella replies, "Yeah”, but it keeps me out of the sun! By the way, why are you carrying around that car door, you don’t even have a car to go with it” The guy with the car door says, "yeah, well at least if I get too hot from the sun I can just roll down the window!"
it's me again Why do golfers wear two pair's of pants? just in case they get a hole in one.Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image!
A tourist in Vienna goes through a graveyard and all of a sudden he hears some music. No one is around, so he starts searching for the source. He finally locates the origin and finds it is coming from a grave with a headstone that reads: "Ludwig van Beethoven, 1770-1827." Then he realizes that the music is the Ninth Symphony, and it is being played backward! Puzzled, he leaves the graveyard and persuades a friend to return with him. By the time they arrive back at the grave, the music has changed. This time it is the Seventh Symphony, but like the previous piece, it is being played backward. Curious, the men agree to consult a music scholar. When they return with the expert, the Fifth Symphony is playing, again backward. The expert notices that the symphonies are being played in the reverse order in which they were composed, the 9th, then the 7th, then the 5th. By the next day the word has spread and a throng has gathered around the grave. They are all listening to the Second Symphony being played backward. Just then the graveyard's caretaker ambles up to the group. Someone in the group asks him if he has an explanation for the music. "Don't you get it?" the caretaker says incredulously. "He's decomposing."
A farmer wanted to sell his old tractor so he put this ad in the paper... For sale: one used tractor, has no seat and no steering wheel. Perfect for those who have their head up their ass and don't know which way to turn.
Wow!!! Many very good jokes!!! _________________________________________________ Relaxing..........................
HAAAAAAAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA, Did you make that from previous one?if yes,man that was Kool. hey WET1 , the decomposing one was pretty good... continue the submissions,they are indeed relaxing,its good that this thread was started... Please Register or Log in to view the hidden image! bye!
The class asignment in composition was to write about something unusual that happened during the past week. Little Irving got up to read his:"Papa fell in the well last week-" he began. "Good heavens", shrieked Mrs. Kroop, the teacher. "Is he alright now?" "He must be", said little Irving. "He stopped yelling for help yesterday."
An elderly man, 82, just returned from the doctors only to find he didn't have long to live. So he summoned the three most important people in his life to tell them of his fate: 1. His Doctor 2. His Priest 3. His Lawyer. He said, "Well, today I found out I don't have long to live. So, I have summoned you three here, because you are the most important people in my life, and I need to ask a favor. Today, I am going to give each of you an envelope with $50,000 dollars inside. When I die, I would ask that all three of you throw the money into my grave." After the man passed on, the three people happened to run into each other. The doctor said, "I have to admit I kept $10,000 dollars of his money. He owed me from lots of medical bills. But, I threw the other $40,000 in like he requested. "The Priest said, "I have to admit also, I kept $25,000 dollars for the church. It’s all going to a good cause. I did, however, throw the other $25,000 in the grave." Well the Lawyer just couldn't believe what he was hearing! "I am surprised at you two for taking advantage of him like that. I wrote a check for the full amount and threw it all in! ! !"
wet1 ... You don't want the S.P.S getting on your case, do you? Take care. (Society for the Protection of Sharks)
