Please take this question seriousely

Please take this question seriously

I am in desperate need of some help. I am having problems with my boyfriend because I don't feel like our sex life is healthy. We have been together for almost one year and we make love about 2 times a week if that. He thinks masterbating is healthy and does it about 2 or 3 times a week. I think it wrong because that is why we have each other. We have discussed many time previous that I am not happy the frequency of our love making and it shocks me to think that he is willing to end the relationship because he will continue pleasing himself. Please tell me....am I wrong???? Thanks

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like all guys if you come onto him he wont be able to resist

 

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but I do...... he says that he is not in the mood at night and at we work 7 to 5. lunch is to short and we have a 9 year old in the house which makes it hard in the evenings. We usually interact on the weekends but is so long not to during the week. Why can he make the effort to masterbate during the week but not make love?

 

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just send the kid to his friends house for the night, then he wont hav an excuse, then just keep going, once you have either his or your pants off he'll be in the mood allright

 

ok,ok,ok, so lets just say that we send the kid off we make love passionately all week long, all the time for here to now on, is it normal for a guy to still masterbate?

 

Haha, don't worry about it, guys masturbate, it just happens, it's what we do, there's really no prescribed cure for it. I assume he does this while you're not around? Otherwise it might be a good idea for both of you to start an exercise routine so that you'll have more energy and can actually bare to go through a full day of work and still get together in the evening.

Also, relationship advice threads don't really belong here in the EM&J board, not unless you want to specifically discuss the moral issues of masturbation.

 

maybe he is bored, try somemthing new like bondage or a 3some

 

Maybe he just likes to "get off" more than you want to. He doesn't want to make you do something more than you'd like so he regress to his old ways of self satisfaction. It isn't your fault nor his either, it is just something he likes to do. So just leave it alone and one day he will stop by himself.

 

Masturbation is easier to get off to without the hassle of "foreplay" for the woman, thats how most men perceive it

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IE: quick fix

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Masturbation is natural; men do it all the time even when we sleep. So I think that you should lay off and try to understand it from his perspective. Consider, wouldn’t you want him to Masturbate instead of having an affair? Boys will be boys.

 

Doctor Xavier says:


Sam, maybe if you look at life for every person as an auto erotic experience.
The fulfillment of our own self interests. like eating the food we want, having the sex we want, doing the sport we want etc etc.

Your boyfriends obviously found the convenience of masturbation a way of mitigating his sexual urges. In a way you should be glad that he is managing to control his libido and sexual tensions in a rather benign fashion. As some men are incapable of maintaining a relative normalness to their sexuality.

If I was you I would continue to discuss this with him. But accept that sexuality is not confined to just one woman or man and to allow a person to express him self freely can not be done by impinging on his right to free imagining or fantasy.

I get the impreesion that you are jealous that he may be fantasising about other women or situations...am I right?

He is probably feeling the pressure of your demands for fidelity of body and mind and as a reaction is excerting his will to be free of mind.

What he does with his body and his imagination are not subject to your control and if you think you can demand mental fidelity you will only alienate him.
For a man to maintain sexual interests his mind will always wander to other pastures and this is what allows him to be sexual. Models on TV, Glossy magazines, advertisments with pretty women, short skirts at the shopping mall etc etc ....If you are feeling jealous about these things he is feeling the pressure I can assure you.

And unless you are wanting to put him in a box or isolation ward and clip his mental wings he will always wander mentally.

There's an old saying:

"You can cage a free bird but you can not make it sing"

As soon as you clip his wings he will loose interest in you.

So Doc. Xaviers advice is ask yourself why you think his masturbation is a problem. Is it because you are jealous?

 

My thought too.

Sam, I suggest trying to make it easier for him to have sex with you. Make quickies okay during the week, say. Take showers together, sleep in the nude, watch porn together (if you can handle that), wear sexier clothing (like skirts) around the house and generally please him--you give him what wants so you can get what you want. The 9-year-old doesn’t have to know what goes on in your bedroom; that’s what locks are for. Check your weight--men are more visual; you won’t get as much nookie if you’ve put on significant weight or otherwise have let yourself go downhill since you’ve met. Also sex won’t happen as often if you’re having other relationship problems, so make fixing those part of the solution. Don’t ask him to masturbate less, don’t even talk about that directly. First address the issue indirectly as above and see what happens. If you’re lucky he’ll take a new interest in you that will take on a life of its own. A book I recommend is “Light His Fire.” There is also “Light Her Fire.”

 

Look masterbation is a perfectly normal part of the male (and female) sex drive. Biologically males need to be ready to propaghate anytime, as females have only small windows of time in which to reproduce. (like female dogs in heat, only twice a year or so).

I mean even if he doesn't do it consciously doesn't mean he can stop. Guys have wet dreams, guys wake up with woodies. It is a natural part of the sex drive to deal with it.

Also him masturbating is also a sign that he is a healthy male, on a biological level.

I suggest if it bothers you, ask him a) not to do it around you b) not to tell you about it o.o.

 

All guys masturbate. He will continue to do it. This is fact. Accept it.

If you want more sex, tell him. He will oblige. If he does not and will not, end the relationship.

 

Mod Hat - (?!)

Personally I agree with the earlier note that this is not an appropriate forum for relationship advice. To the other, though, two simple arguments:

• Sex and morality always have the potential to be either an interesting or important topic; don't disappoint me, people.
• I really wouldn't want to visit this on any other forum; I can just see the backlash if I dropped it in Human Science. And I don't feel like giving this over to Free Thoughts yet.

At any rate ... carry on, carry on.

 

I wonder if you'd take things as serious if say: he were bangin' the neighbors wife instead of you? I mean, would that be a little more normal for you? A little easier to understand - because society has deemed that to be sacrilege?

My advice: make up your own mind.

 

it's been said, but i'll repeat it: afaik, guys will always masterbate. i started when i was 12, and haven't stopped... ever. xept on camping trips/camp maybe.

if you think you don't turn him on enough (which is a possiblity), start exercising and eat healthy. An hour of good exercise every day does wonders to a woman's body.

on a peronal note again, i masterbate about up to 5 times a day (depends how busy of a day it is) and try to have sex with my girl at least every day (we've both been busy lately, so it's down to 4-5 times a week

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), one really shouldn't interfere with the other, they're just different things.

 

Sam, The thing that makes this appropriate for this ethics forum is that you have to realise one very important thing and that is you can not nor should you attempt to jail your boyfriend in a world that you think he should be in.

The approach that will bring the best results is to "cherish" his individuality and his right to excersise his mind and body as he sees fit.

If you can respect his right to his individuality then you have come a long way to a really happy relationship.

The choices he makes have to be his to make with out having to fight all the restrictions or influence that you are attempting to apply.

To allow him the freedom to be with you entirely "voluntarilly" is a step to a healthier relationship.

Ask yourself "Do I want the man I create?" or "Do I want the man he is?"

 

This is not true but it's a very difficult habit to stop.

The problem is that the relationship materially devoted. Sam wants boyfriend for sex, boyfriend wants material. You can't possibly win because you're not material. So I think your having conflicts with your values, wanting to be in a relationship where your cherished yet your not being. But know that this does not make your boyfriend absolutely wrong for you. He will have to overcome that's all, but I think he might be addicted to sex.